Creativity At My Pace

Moving Day.

2010-12-07T15:01:00.001-08:00

I've moved my blog!

It's all about design and crappy photography!

http://hellodesignerd.wordpress.com/

Feeling Negative.

2010-08-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

OK, today, not such a good day.
A very young girl that worked in the same building as I do here at the college was killed on Saturday night by a drunk driver. It's devastating to hear about this any time, but to know that person and have had conversations with this person is another thing all together.

Now, I have to figure out what job I'll have in the coming days once school starts back up and it's looking like I'll be staying at the college because my other job is completely clueless/careless as to what a service I single handedly provide to them and their 25 stores!

I do have good things to report from our summer and a new venture on the way as I turn 33 on the 22nd.
More updates later and hopefully some happiness to report as well.
<3

I'm A Little Heated At The Moment.

2010-06-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

This will be brief, but I had to get it out and vent a moment and I'd like some feedback from any of you PLEASE as to if I am out of line.

So, last week I designed a party invite for a friend of mines sons birthday and it was pretty time intensive, I'm thinking like 8-10 hours of work and I have done other work for this person in the past unpaid, but did receive a thank you gift. This time however she came over to the house to order them, went on about how money is tight and then sort of half offered me $20 for my time. I said no of course and she says, "are you sure?" I said "I'm sure."

I told Matt what happened and he said I should have taken it, but I understand money being tight so it was ok. Well, yesterday I found out that her husband just bought a new iPhone! Now, I LOVE this friend dearly, but when you compare our two lifestyles, they are drastically different and she knows it.

I am a little peeved about this, but will just be letting it go, I would never want her to know that it made me feel bad. So, am I wrong?

Going to my first "doctor" appointment tonight and I'm kind nervous and don't know where to start. This should prove interesting.

Something About The Acorn and The Tree??

2010-06-20T13:23:00.000-07:00

Had a good laugh on myself yesterday while shoe shopping with Stella, so much so that I had to call my mom while it was happening. In my earlier, less economically insufficient life I loved me some shoes and not expensive shoes, but shoes all the same. Maybe not quite at Stella's age, but not much older I would throw fits about getting what I wanted and quite often I would win, much to my mothers frustration. I can understand, it was much easier to just give in then to contend with me for more than ten rounds, I was R-E-L-E-N-T-L-E-S-S. So, while browsing in the shoe aisle she finally found a pair she had to have and the cost was only $12.99 and she had something like $60 of birthday money, so I said of course you can get them, until we arrived in the toy aisle. She saw the $45 Barbie laptop and the shoes, well let's just say, she couldn't ever remember wanting shoes in the first place. She paid with her money, proud to receive some change back and we were on our way, shoes long forgotten.

UNTIL this morning, after having been allowed to stay up WAY too late, we're talking midnight because we had a bonfire and other children were there, so how could we put her to bed. We know our children and some may think that putting her to bed early, 8-8:30 that we're mean, but we know that she is a major ass pain if we don't. Today, no different than times in the past she performed true to form, even negotiating a trip back to Kmart this time with dad, only to discover that we were NOT going to get her the shoes and what she could afford with her remaining $5-6 dollars was not what she wanted. Which I think is great, she didn't give in to the impulse of just getting "something" to fill that void and I'm proud of her for that.

After coming home she was informed that due to whining and such, she needed to relax in her room with a movie which didn't last long and now after many tear-filled shenanigans has ended up grounded and mad and able to get to the heart of my insecurities all in one foul swoop.

She's an amazing kid, but alas she is still a girl and prone to emotionality. I remember it well so I try to remain calm, Matt on the other hand can't wrap his brain around it, especially on less than 4 hours of sleep. So, my gift to him this Father's Day, a 2 hour nap followed by a delicious dinner and finally a child going to bed at 6 and one who is already in her room because she's grounded. Sounds pleasant to me.

Have a great Father's Day today, no matter how it plays out for you! :)

What if Life Were Really Like One of Those Pick Your Own Path Books?

2010-06-13T08:18:00.000-07:00

I'm all about the idea that your life has already been mapped out for you, and you just have to enjoy the ride, but do you think that the "universe" gives you clues along the way? I like to think that your "clues" are really those tiny bursts of happiness that occur when you know that what you're doing in that instant is exactly what you're supposed to be doing. I've been having those lately, when I create my invitations for my company Sully & Marge or anything associated with that. It's what I want for my life! What is giving you those little moments of excitement these days, I'd love to know?

I have reached a decision though, I've decided to see a psychiatrist. I've always been an emotional gal, but in the last few months, it seems to be getting in the way of the everyday. Well, at least probably 4-5 days out of the week anyway. I know where it all stems from, stress over Matt wanting a better job, not having enough money to survive much beyond paying the bills, getting our mortgage modified yet again and a little more personal stuff that I won't into here (a girls gotta have her secrets). It's all adding up and making for some pretty rough days, and the only thing that seems to get me through are the kids love and my escape in being a designer.

I'm so thankful I found my vocation, because if I had to add that in with the other stresses, I don't know where I'd be emotionally, probably in a padded room somewhere I suppose. I knew over ten years ago who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do, yet I'm not exactly where I'd hoped I'd be. I do know that I have the rest of my life to get there, so I am somewhat hopeful.

We had a party for Stella's birthday yesterday, she'd turned 6 on the 9th. We'd planned to only have immediate family, but it ended up being slightly more. One small family in particular ended making for a very interesting evening. Let's just say, without knowing what each other was thinking, after everyone had left, I walked onto the porch where Matt was smoking and both of us without missing a beat, made a reference to Cousin Eddie from the National Lampoon movies. Matt said he'd "never felt more like Clark Griswold in his life" and I said "doesn't he remind you of that guy from those National Lampoon movies?" I could go into detail, but I am unsure of who reads this blog, so I will say nothing more. And, if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then watching only one of these movies I've referenced will give you all the info you need, but "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" is probably the best example I can think of.

Aside from all that, Stella is growing up way too fast in my opinion. She wanted among other items, open toed high heeled shoes. I said "no way" but in the end, I found some sandals meeting all those requirements in her size. And, to her credit, she walks very well in them. lol We also gave her a Justin Bieber CD, and yes, she has the "Feve for the Bieb!" We also bought the new Alice in Wonderland for her, love that movie. Well, that's the catch up for now. Later.

I've Found a Hutch of Grey Hare.

2010-05-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

Well, not exactly I suppose. I was in the powder room the other day attempting to do something with my hair because I'm debating/deciding whether or not to let my hair grow long. Yes, yes, how do you prevent your hair from growing, har har har, but you know what I mean. Since the day after I got married, I've pretty much had hair no longer then my chin with a brief time where I let it grow past my shoulders. I'm trying, it will be difficult. So, while trying to figure out a way to deal with my bangs for the day, I uncovered the most seemingly mysterious, yet dreadfully distressing thing...a patch of grey hair. :(I know, everyone ages, it cannot be escaped, but somehow I thought maybe I would be forgotten about. Who was I kidding, my gorgeous grandmother went completely white by something like 30, by far it could be worse. Although, it was the most beautiful showing of age I've ever seen. I miss her.

I've been sort of sad about it for the last 2 days until someone said, but that's what I'm here for, my friends who's going to cosmetology school. Aha! She's right, if I don't like it, there are things I can do about it, although they may not be the choice of just anyone. I'm a graphic designer, I LOVE color, and it is acceptable in my industry to us to be "eccentric." So, below are a couple photos of what I am planning to do as far as color. Eff You grey hair, I'm comin' for ya!

Yup, I'm going wild. I've always wanted to be a rich, warm brunette although I have extremely thin hair, which I hate, but I make the best of it. I will also be adding a nice shade of purple to the underneath portion and possibly a little something up top and front. I know it's not for everyone, but I like to try new things. I showed Stella and she thought I was crazy and said that she would be embrrassed. Oh well, she's got quite a few years of that ahead. Ha ha ha!

How Could This Happen?

2010-05-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

This truly is the strangest thing that has ever happened in my life. That's how I'll start. I've been so busy with school, worrying about losing our house yet again that I didn't bother to stop and question anything else that was going on, albeit strange. It started right before Easter when my Las Vegas "client" was "missing." His assistant called me frantic saying she could not get a hold of him and that he would call her 10 times a day but now, nothing. We spoke quite a bit in the next day or so and then about 3 days after Easter she calls me again saying he's been in an accident in California and that he was found unconscious, but that the details are not totally understood, but that he is in a hospital in California. We are all sort of shaken, we were a "family" and we were worried about him. I trugged forward with my school work, regular job, etc not overly concerned about what was going on, but in my head sort of planning for the announcement that he'd passed away. Would his funeral be in Vegas or Indiana where he'd said he was from?

Maybe 2 weeks later I get another call from Brittany saying that he's still unconscious but that the tests are coming back positive and that the plan is to move forward with business. OK? So, I just say well, give me a couple days notice for anything you need and I'll be fine. I should back up a little and state that right before tax time, Rob called me to tell me that he might have to send me a 1099 for all the work I'd done for him and he asked if that would be ok. I said something to the effect of "do you have to?" And, he said, "well, I'll just tell my accountant something, don't worry about it."

So, somewhere around the beginning to middle of this week Brittany calls me again saying that now she can't get a hold of anyone and she thinks something is up. I do to. I mean, he's in some hospital, we are a "family" and yet no hospital name is given, no room number to send flowers to, no phone number to send well wishes, strange!?!? The very next day, Brittany gets a phone call from the Arizona State Campus government saying that she is their point of contact and that they wanted to know what Rob was going to do about the affidavit that he had against him. This was enough to send Brittany into a frenzy of searches and investigation, she is awesome. We email each other back and forth and then I hit the hay for the night. The next morning I check my email and right after I'd gone to bed, Brittany had hit the mother load. The email simply had a link and a message that read "girl, you gotta see this and you gotta call me!" I get to work, check the email, click the link and here is what she sent me: http://www.in.gov/apps/indcorrection/ofs/ofs?lname=peacher&fname=&search1.x=0&search1.y=0

I could not believe what I was seeing, a laundry list of crimes stemming all the way back from 1990! This man I had been working for for over a year had been in prison since 1998, I was working with and for a criminal. Everything I thought had been wrong, I had been duped. I thought, this is insane, I'm dreaming, this is a nightmare, this can't be true. I called Brittany and she had called the jail and by God, this was the same man, and he's been doing this for a long time!!!!!!!!!!

How the hell does something like this happen? In the words of my friend Richard, "you can't write this shit!" I agree, I could never have imagined in a million years that I would be a victim of something like this. Brittany called a bit later and told me that she'd gotten to positively identify him by hearing a recording of his voice that the jail had and she simply stated, "it's him, no guilt here." I got it, we weren't wrong, something was up, but who is involved, who is a victim like we are and why were we paid and who's money were we paid with?

I'm upset, worried about my identity being stolen, all those crazy emotions. I feel like I've been violated and it doesn't help knowing that his greatest crime was attempted rape at knife point. Now I'm just trying to figure out what my next move is, maybe a Chris Hansen episode of Dateline?

I'll keep you posted...

I'm A Jerk!

2010-04-11T10:00:00.001-07:00

I've come to the conclusion that while I may be a seasoned designer, I do NOT take criticism well. I think it goes hand in hand with my pet peeve for being made to feel stupid which stems from dealing with my brother who was the typical middle child, me being the older sister had issues all my own. It's not like I feel like I'm better than everyone else, it's just that I think sometimes people don't know what they're talking about. :) In feeling this way, I often have a tendency to burn my bridges and get mad initially and then relent. Case in point, the site redesign for the CAID found in this post. I had to send the comp to them to get their opinion about it and I was so confident that they'd like it, I didn't give myself any room for real changes and when I get their email back, I was dumbfounded. Plus, the use of the word "circus" in reference to some of the items, I took offense to. So stupid. I need to realize that it's THEIR site, it may be my baby while I'm creating it, but I can't read minds and nothing is ever going to be perfect. My email response to them was a bit on the snarky side and their response was that of surprise for my reaction to their requested changes. Mind you, they are getting this site for the cost of FREE, and some of their requests were a bit excessive so in some case I was right to be frustrated. We've since ironed things out, so it's good and I was given some good advice about thick skin and all.

However, lastnight I was designing my Sully & Marge logo and was at the point where I didn't love it, but I'd guessed it would do. A friend made some suggestions and the outcome was awesome, I am so happy with the results. I really can't wait to get going on this venture, it feels like a really good fit.

There Is A Plague on My House.

2010-04-06T19:37:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago the stomach flu swept through here and hit all four of us in the matter of about 5 days. It sucked but I did lose like 7-8 pounds so there was a high point. So, we had Easter after that and then Monday I was going to devote my time to creating my final comp for my website redesign. That DIDN'T happen! Stella developed a fever and Cohen refused to go to bed, threw up and his door knob broke but he was finally sacked out at 10:30. Now, that may not seem "late" to some of you out there, but this is the kid who usually can't stay up past 7pm and he's been known on more than one occasion to go to bed by 5:30.

Anywho, I didn't get much time today either to devote to it. Matt took the kids to the doctor and Stella has STREP. YIKES! I really hope I don't get this one, BUT, it could mean a few more pounds lost. lol I headed into class a couple hours early to finish mocking it up. While I was there, I found out that one of my clients, more of a friend really was in a very serious accident and he was finally found, but was unconscious, but they aren't sure how long he's been unconscious because they don't know when the accident occurred. So scary. I really hope he pulls through, he's a really amazing person. I'm praying for you Rob. :(

Here is what I have for the comp, I still have a lot of work to do, but my instructor did say my design was "Awesome!"

Sully & Marge?

2010-04-04T07:13:00.001-07:00

Hello all my Easter Peeps! Dontcha love how I threw that out there? I'm not the biggest fans of that Easter confection, but I thought it fit the mood of the day. After the success of my baseball inspired boy baby shower invitation (found here), I talked with a friend at school and she has agree to help me try to launch an invitation design business. Obviously most of the beginning biz will come from word of mouth, but hopefully it will take off quickly. I really love doing invites and think it could be a fun and profitable venture. What do you think of the name Sully & Marge for it? I got the name from my children's middle names. Sully is short for Sullivan, Cohen's middle name and my MIL's maiden name and Marge is short for Marjorie, my beloved grandmothers name. So, no, it's not the monster from Monsters Inc. or the mom from the Simpson's.

In the mean time, I am thoroughly engrossed in my Dreamweaver final project, a website redesign and to see the monstrosity that I am undertaking, whew, you have no idea the task I've taken on, neither did I. Here it is. It really is a mess, but the people I'm doing it for, they are really nice art people, so it helps. At least they aren't bankers or real estate agents. I've dealt with those kind of folks before and OMG, they are the worst. No offense to any of you out there that are any of those things, sorry.

In addition to all this, I somehow managed to create a flyer for a new found friend. If your on Twitter or happen to be in one of the places hosting this event for the Kentucky Derby, do check here for further information. Thanks for the opportunity Chef, it was a fun little item to create. Until later all, have a very pleasant and enjoyable Easter!

Such A Good Night!!!

2010-03-30T18:45:00.000-07:00

I hope you noticed that this posts title required not 1 but 3 exclamation points! I had my portfolio review at school tonight. I wasn't expecting much and had a few teachers in mind who I was less than thrilled to have in the case they would be the ones doing the review. However, when I got there, I was so excited to discover that I had my web design teacher, a woman Matt said was a great reviewer and another teacher I'd never met. I was nervous though, and my friend Nicole said, "it's because you care." She was right, aside from my immediate family, doing this work is the only thing I truly care about, it gives me purpose. I had their rapt attention the entire time, WITH mouths agape, literally, the teacher I didn't know sat there with his mouth open. :)

It couldn't have gone any better, they complimented my use of color, typography, structure, etc, it felt SO good. The teacher I really wanted feedback from told me I had the best student portfolio he'd seen in years. I was bouncing off the walls on the inside of my body. In his notes to me he said, "your skills dictate that you should be employed." Couldn't have said it better myself! When I left, the woman told me that it had been a pleasure to review my portfolio.

AMEN!

I had coffee with my friend and we talked for a couple hours about design about family, felt good to talk to someone new. She's young, doesn't have a family yet, but she is good listener and good for conversation. Awesome night!

Me, Cameron Crowe and Marvin Gaye?

2010-03-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

Got some interesting and exciting news today. Don't even really know if I'm allowed to share it, but he won't find out, but let's try to keep it hush hush for now. A friend of mine is a painter, his name is Tony Roko. He is a self taught painter who currently works for Ford Automotive and for a long time he worked on the line, but now he's been asked to return to his duty of mural painting for them. However, this is not what I'm about to tell you. Tony was commissioned to created a work for Marvin Gaye as they were celebrating Marvin at the Motown Museum this year. Tony painted it and got some rave reviews about it. Now, writer and director Cameron Crowe, who's going to be doing a biopic on Marvin Gaye potentially wants Tony's painting in the movie! The cool part for moi is that I created postcards of Tony's work for his press kit and now some of my work is being emailed directly to Cameron Frickin' Crowe! My first and probably only ever brush with fame. I'm quite tickled.

Where My Heads At

2010-03-29T09:03:00.001-07:00

Since I've begun this cleansing ritual, I've realized that I'm also cutting off things I didn't mean to. Such as potential clients via some friends, friends who's emails I must obtain and those people who never did anything to me, but who will get swept under the rug because I have no way to contact them unless I break this vow of digital celibacy. Hmmm, what to do, a problem for another time I suppose. But, it has really put into perspective what I need to focus on. Not in any particular order other than brain dumping order: my health, my daughters health, my job search, my portfolio, my ability to learn and retain, the list could go on and on, but these you see are the highlights.

Was busy a couple weeks ago doing an invitation for my cousin's baby shower and I had to have them printed and buy envelopes for them. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how they turned out and it's for a boy so I wanted different envelopes and to match the theme, I purchased an earth friendly version. Love anything printed onto or just made from the same material as paper grocery bags and wouldn't ya know it, the envelopes were called "grocery bag" envelopes. I even found a cheap source that ships for free in the US! Yeah for my cheap ass and my unwillingness to pay too much. Plus, why should envelopes cost $8 and ship for $15? I mean, hello, I don't even think they weigh a pound and your charging me almost double the cost of the damn items themselves?

Something of note that's come out from all of this is I feel like I'm already having more meaningful conversations via email. Strange how a lack of lol's, emoticons and ......'s can change how you feel about the language.

I'll be pretty heads down the next few days getting my portfolio ready for a instructor review at school tomorrow night, working on a website redesign for my final project, creating a hat logo/flyer for a Kentucky Derby event and I'm sure more that Im forgetting at the moment. But, because I've missed you so much, I'll be back soon.

A Cleanse of Sorts.

2010-03-28T09:18:00.001-07:00

I did it, and hopefully for good. I really started hating Facebook and to be honest, we had a rather abusive relationship. I would get angry, I would say things I meant and then take them back. Then I just wouldn't say anything for a while. Then of course the nasty messages were sent and posts deleted and the damage had been done. I'm hoping that this is a forever severed relationship, but if not, when I do decide to come back, it will be to a foreshortened list of friends and family who seem to get me. I never mean negativity or unkindness to anyone, but damn some folks just seem to ask for it don't they?

I think too that this will be better for my home and work life. I get so easily distracted by the games, message board etc that I often just sit and surf and come back to it in the hopes that something new and different has been posted, but really is it ever that ground-breaking or interesting? NO! Just like me, it is a lot of crap that you must filter through to get to the real meaningful stuff, but I figure if I'm off Facebook that means I can blog more often and get more done and spend more quality time with the people that surround.

OK, now back to life.

So Much Up In The Air.

2010-03-09T11:44:00.000-08:00

As is everyone in life, all things in mine are up in the air. I am trying to surround myself with positive people, positive ideas, progress and such. I've attained potential new clients, thrust myself back into the life of digital scrapbook design and am trying my hardest currently to embrace my necessary schooling that will push me along the way. I don't know if any of you remember or even know that a long time ago I was a part of this great little group at KJOI Studios? I had to step away for a while because of work commitments and other things that ended up actually sidelining my life rather than helping it when I could have been make stuff and having a blast doing it all along. DOH! Well, I took that step and asked the lovely Kara if she'd have me back and she welcomed me with open arms. Thanks Kara, I'm thinking to you that in the future I will owe you my sanity because you may have just given me the place to call my own and hone my skills. I am really excited.

On another note, I met up with an old friend, who was actually a boss of mine in a former life while I worked at the Gap as a young 20-something and I am designing a business card for her and she has a few ideas up her sleeve as well for more and more clients. Oh how I love new clients, it's what keeps me alive. She also sells Aloette cosmetics. Any of you who know me, probably know that I am a no frills, low maintenance kinda gal, but I am 32 now and soon enough my skin won't be gettin' any more elasticy and so Jo turned me on to their line for us ladies who are veering on upward towards the middle part of our lives so that we may maintain our luxurious young elasticity and youthful glow and looking damn pretty to boot.

SO, I said well sign me up after a nice facial and moisture rich rebuff. I feel better, my skin looks better even after only one application too. You need these products, they are a must. Visit her website to order products from her, you won't be sorry.

What A Life!

2010-01-25T19:03:00.000-08:00

Not really, just bidness as usual. Yesterday was my "day" to sleep in, that's how my hubs and I work it at home so that the same person isn't waking up at some god awful hour with the kids. Although it always seems that he is the one to have to get up when the kids decide, "ya know, I think 6am is a perfectly acceptable time to wake up on a Sunday morning!" Muwahhhhahahaha I say as I roll back over and stay in bed till 10. Mind you, the kids got up at 8:30 on my watch and I managed to bathe the baby then put him down for a nap, do the dishes and clean the house, all before hubs woke up. Not too shabby. But, poor Matt had a banner day yesterday. He was basically up by 5:30, officially with both kids at 7am. In that time, Cohen threw up twice, had a bath a short name and was generally boogery and crabby. Stella was demanding as usual and my restful sleep to be was constantly interrupted by bellows from below. When Matt doesn't get enough sleep, WATCH OUT! Then I got up, showered and was ready for the day, he was off to take his mother to Canada to buy her some things. As soon as he got back he was going to do laundry only to realize that my using the disposal after I hit the grocery store with both kids in tow then came home and cleaned out the fridge, put baby down for a nap, started our dinner of corned beef and cabbage and finally ate my lunch at 3pm, that my running the disposal had backed up in the wash tub in the basement. In a word, he was disgusted. Seething underneath, but swearing to me it was not my fault, YEAH RIGHT! After a few hours of trying to bail out and plunge, he went back to his moms to get her drain snake. It didn't work. Luckily he has a friend who is a plumber, but as you can see he is a man and refuses to admit defeat and waited until 8pm to call him. Needless to say, his friend was over tonight for a couple hours and cleaned out the drain like a champ, he is my new hero and the poor guy wouldn't take a dime from us.

Phew. I'm tired just from typing it and I was the one who lived it.

Today was spent trying to figure out ways to make extra buckage, not doing so well yet, but I'll keep trying. I'm so over with this struggling thing, but then I remind myself that I'm only 32 and my time is coming. Right?

I Have Been Published

2010-01-12T20:58:00.000-08:00

The other day as I was going through my usual job search process I take nearly every single day, I stumbled upon something of interest. A job posting looking for designers with a lot of experience to write articles for a design website. I said "what the hell you can simultaneously conquer your fear of writing and make a few extra dollars in the process." I emailed the company and within less than 8 hours got the opportunity to try out. So, I searched the recesses of my tired mind and thought about what has been at the forefront of my brain these days and landed upon my idea. I would write an article about my struggles and successes with freelance work and the process as I see it. I sent the article off last night and didn't hear anything and after a long day with the kids, starting a new class tonight and coming home to more frustration with a client, I checked the website for the company whom I wrote the article for and tada!, here it is. I was even given credit for the article when I was told originally that I would start as a ghost writer. I'm so excited, I've never been published, and this is a dream come true. Thanks GrindSmart!

Like I said, I started my class tonight, Dreamweaver and I can't wait to get started. I have been designing for over ten years now and I am dying to break my way into web design. I feel like I am very skilled in print and design, and this lack of full web design knowledge is really cramping my style. So, here I am busting down these walls for myself and it feels pretty damn good when I look back and see how tough and what a struggle this last year has been. I've come a long way baby and it feels really damn good!

I Wear My Heart on My Sleeve.

2010-01-02T07:44:00.000-08:00

If you already know me, you know that I am an emotional person. Just like everyone else, I feel sad, angry, happy, blah, etc. I however, maybe like some of you out there, let it rule me from time to time. I may be different from you, but since I can remember, this has shaped who I have become. I mean, in preschool I was voted most sympathetic. And, for me, my sympathy comes with a small price. If I've given you some sympathy, all I ask in return is that from time to time you let me be me around you. I won't apologize for being who I am, but if you don't like it, maybe you should reconsider the relationship we have. I would not ask you to stifle yourself and stop doing something that comes naturally to you, even if it rubbed me the wrong way. I would accept that it is just a part of your personality and leave it at that. I guess what I've learned is there are people who are in it with you 100% and others who are only maybe 75-90% and that's ok but don't make me feel less than.

Besides that, I like people who show their emotions, it lets me know that you are real and true. And it lets me know what things effect you in both positive and negative ways. Is that so wrong?

A Fun Project.

2009-12-16T19:10:00.000-08:00

Thought it might be fun to create a project as a gift for Stella's teacher. Fun because Stella and I could do this together. Some background on me. I am a perfectionist, if it's to be done right, it's to be done by me and me alone, period! Obviously once Stella got old enough, that mentality had to go out the window, but my attitude did not. I can remember putting a project together with her when she was about 3 for Halloween and finally she looks at me with her little face and says, "I know momma, you do it yourself." What a horrible mother I was. I've gotten a little better since then, at least now I let her do more and then I try to "fix" it when she is in bed, then she is none the wiser.

I was cruising around in bloggy land and stumbled upon this little gem. It is only the coolest site I've seen in some time and was the source of this amazing and oh so simple project that we created TOGETHER for her teacher. I also went to Starbucks and purchased some cinnamon something almonds and a special gift card for the girl who is giving Stella some extra help in class. Tomorrow is the big party and this is the big gift. Have a great night!

Changes Are Coming.

2009-12-15T19:10:00.000-08:00

With the new year only about 2 weeks away, I thought I'd start to make small changes beforehand and get a jump on all that new year, new your mumbo jumbo. One of them is with this blog. I've toyed with letting it go altogether, but realize that there are often times that I need this blog, so on it will continue. However, it's focus is going to shift a bit, but only a bit. I've decided to try to really focus on more creative pursuits and maybe a little less bitching, but we'll see about that. I've been dealing with difficulties with Stella both with her attitude and her learning curve at school, so I need to find strength to overcome my frustrations with her and hopefully this can be a place I'll seek solace, confidence and friends who've been through it before. So, I look to you bloggy and real friends for your support and advice.

I will be taking this Thursday morning off work to attend Stella's kindergarten Christmas party. I'll be spending the entire time with approximately 24 five year olds, yes I am crazy! A friends mother suggested that, for reasons of bonding, I take Stella to the Bulk Food store and buy some candy and treat bags so she could make a few gifts. I thought it was a great idea and, why not just do it for the party. She had a good time buying the candy and then packing each of the bags. I pretty much let her do it all, which is a big BIG step for this neurotic momma.

So, here they are in all their glory, 29 beautifully stuffed treat bags! She will have so much fun Thursday and all with her loving mommy.

Yeah For Winners!

2009-11-03T15:04:00.000-08:00

I've been absent but ever busy. School and my schedule is kickin' my butt. Alas I will persevere. On to the winner of the 250 business cards, sorry Richard, but Mary is the winner as Stella liked her usage of the word "fabulous," she loves the big words. Mary, you will get 250 of the best quality, fastest delivered and in general best customer serviced business card via Uprinting! I only use them now, as I had a bad experience with a competitor and when I realized I would not be receiving my order in time for my event, promptly cancelled that order and reordered them from Uprinting and received said item today just in time for my event tomorrow evening. Let me know if you need help with your cards, I'm glad to be here for you! I'm hoping to giveaway something amazing next, be on the lookout for the next one.

Halloween was cold but fun. We had our friends the Guthrie's over and my parents. Stella was a cute little bee and she even wore a cute black and yellow tutu which I made with my own little hands. Mr. Cohen was a pirate for all of maybe 10 minutes, but cute nonetheless.

As for school, I honestly don't know if I'd be making it through without the help of my amazing hubby, he knows his stuff and I can't wait until next semester is over and he finds a job he truly loves with web design. Strange, but every now and then I have this glimmer that we'll start a business for ourselves, who knows but I'm open to the possibilities. Aren't we all?

You Could Win 250 Business Cards Totally Free!!

2009-10-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

Finally back and offering some freebies. If you don't know about Uprinting yet, you'd better get on board. I can't sing their praises enough! They are the only place I go to print my clients business cards and I have yet to have a dissatisfied customer. This particular freebie is from Uprinting and you can get 250 business cards absolutely free including free shipping. Now, who can beat that? And, you're not limited to standard sizes. They also have 2"x3", 2"x2" the square card and my new personal favorite, the 1.5"x3.5" all the cool kids are doing it skinny card. And, you also have a choice between glossy, matte and uncoated. And, even better, full color on both sides. That's crazy you say, NOPE, this is how Uprinting rolls.

In order to enter and win, tell me how you'd use 250 FREE business cards and I'll let Stella pick the winner according to what she thinks is the best idea. :) My contest ends this Friday at midnight, good luck everyone.

A Blog is A Blog of Course, of Course...

2009-09-30T06:26:00.000-07:00

And no one is talking to my blog it seems. That's why I haven't been posting. Although I am guilty of the same behavior, so slap my hand. Things are still busy around here and while I'd like to think I'm getting used to the schedule, I think I still have a while before I learn to wake up early like a grown up should. I struggle with it because I stay up way too late and then find it hard to get up when I need to. Stella isn't late, but I on the other hand always am. You wouldn't know that I was raised by a man that thinks you are late to work if you only show up 5 minutes early. :)

Creatively, things are flowing like never before. It's amazing to me how a few years of bad jobs can really throw off your game, and while working where I do is NOT ideal, it does free me up to take on other ventures. My Vegas client even said that by the second or third quarter of next year, he's hoping to offer me a full time job working remotely to Vegas from Michigan. Again, not my ideal job, but it would definitely make life around here a bit easier to stomach. I also have a new company I am working with and things are going well there too. I do have one client that it won't surprise me if he lets me go, but if I'm to be honest, it wouldn't hurt my feelings. I may be able to create something from nothing, but I'm no psychic. I can't hear what you don't say and I don't read minds. He is the nicest man, but asks me to do things like I know what he's asking for. For example, what if someone came to you and said we want to do a Coke ad??????? OK? What do you want it to say? What is the important info? Do you have text? So incredibly frustrating. :( And then, he'll criticize (nicely) what the outcome is, my fragile ego can't take that sometimes. I'm sensitive.

Halloween is starting to creep it's way into our home and we've even started buying items to make costumes. Stella wants to be a bumble bee and Cohen will be an ice cream "Cohen," french vanilla of course. I have a few projects in mind for the holiday so if I get to them, I'll take some pics. Enjoy your day, I know I will because I'm working from home today!! Yeah for little white lies. ;)

Busy Busy Days

2009-09-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

Been a busy girl adapting to my new schedule. Stella started kindergarten on Friday and Matt was called back to work for the day after Labor Day. Getting him back in the mind set was no picnic I will tell you, but I am thankful at least for the moment that he is back. It means more money and health insurance for all of us. I will tell you, getting him back there created quite the fight between us, but that is for another day. :)

But, since Matt is no longer home, I am the one who does everything during the day. Let me just tell you my schedule is hellacious. I spend about 4 hours a day in the car three days a week and I only drive to Livonia for work. I am taking 2 classes, on Monday and Tuesday mornings. Luckily my friend Kelly is willing and able to pick Stella up from school at 11:34am on those days as I am still in school at that time. I don't know how you ladies do it. The whole working and taking kids to and from or even simply just the to and from. She doesn't even have any extracirriculars and I'm already done. Off to do more work, later.

Coming Out of The Fog.

2009-08-17T06:08:00.001-07:00

I'm feeling better today and that's surprising for a rainy Monday. Here is my short list of reasons to be happy today:
1. A tough client phoned me yesterday to say that the job we have been working on for about 2 months is done and he is approving the proofs to be printed!! (My lord, this is the one project that I just feel like I gave birth too, sans epidural.)
2. I applied to a part time teaching position at a local community college and I hope they call me, I would love the chance to see what it's like to teach college before I actually go out to get my Masters. Fingers and all bits (as Jenn would say) are crossed.
3. My birthday is Saturday!!
4. I updated my portfolio for the first time since March!!
5. We had to rearrange our kitchen due to some water/heat damage, not too bad, probably wouldn't even notice it if I didn't point it out to you, but I noticed it. I know you shouldn't typically be happy about home repairs, but I love a project and look at it as the how little can I spend on this kitchen challenge??

Explanations:
1. This client is a friend and while it's been stressful for both of us, he is happy, I am happy and he and his wife want to do dinner with Matt and I as a way of acknowledging that this project is finally finished. Amen.
2. Even though I only have my Bachelors degree, I am allowed to teach a college level course in graphic design because it is a technical skill. The position pays quite well, so it would really benefit us in more ways than one. Maybe it could even tie itself into completing task #5 (kitchen problem) too.
3. Don't you just love birthdays? Even though we most likely won't be able to do anything fancy, it's still my day.
4. I desperately needed to rejuvenate my portfolio lastnight for this morning just in case the people from the College I applied to even consider looking into giving me a shot. Wish me luck.
5. OK, who puts Pergo flooring in a place where both heat and water are a given??? Anyway, our thoughts are that while the rest of the house is hardwood anyway, the ugly Pergo like flooring looked stupid butted up against the other flooring. So, we think we're going to go with a black and white checkerboard pattern!! Yeah, great idea Matt! And, then we'll probably paint, not sure what colors yet and then maybe even make curtains and paint our kitchen table chairs, they so don't match now. We had to store our old larger table because we had to move the fridge into the area where our table is. I feel so ghetto now! Oh well, gotta do whatch gotta do.
Keep on keepin' on!

On The Road Again.

2009-08-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

Been neglectful of the old blog here, but I've been super busy yet again. Trying to get a job printed right for a client who can be a tad bit picky. It will get done, maybe not exactly to their specifications, but it will still look great. One more day of stuff that I've obligated myself to do and we're off on a short vacation. Garden City is having it's first annual Downtown Days celebration and I am a part of that. I created a logo for them, Matt completed the design of a new website for them just in time and we even volunteered at the kickoff event. Tomorrow from 4-8pm I will be helping to head up a kids craft tent behind Albert's On The Alley. Should be fun, but when I get home I have to bake cookies, bake brownies and pack my stuff and the kids stuff.

Saturday morning about 7am, we're heading off to Chicago for a family reunion. No, we're all from Michigan, but my aunt and uncle live there and thought it was a good excuse for everyone to travel. Thankfully for me I had work come in and pay at the right time and here we are preparing to head off. It should be a nice time for all of us and I've promised Stella, absolutely NO COMPUTER for me and she is thrilled. I borrowed a friends portable DVD player and bought the Coraline DVD, we should be good to go.

It's 1am, I have a long day ahead of me, good night all.

Oh yes and to those of you on Facebook who wondered why I defriended my SIL, this is why. Matt and I work very hard to do what little we can do with our kids at the moment, but yes we owe his mom and my mom a small some of money. The other day Matt let his mom know we were going this weekend and she tried to make him feel guilty by saying "well we never went anywhere, why should you!!" I have not gone anywhere fun since February 2003 before I got pregnant with Stella and damnit, we NEED a vacation and I'll be damned, it's a family reunion. So on Facebook the other day, I vented and said that just once I'd like to be able to do something without the least bit of guilt. VOILA, that's all it took, my SIL basically tattled on me, telling her mom and leaving me no choice but to defriend. I felt invaded and stabbed in the back. She doesn't work, sleeps all day and basically has nothing to do all day but worry about what other people are saying, I'M DONE feeling guilty and if she wants to have an honest and frank discussion about our situation, she's invited over to discuss, but I can't live like this anymore. I am tired of being judged for what I think, what I say and what I do. I like to say what's on my mind, I'm often mildly inappropriate and don't take too well to criticism. There, I said it, I AM HUMAN and damnit, don't treat me like a piece of shit. Does that tell you anything?

A Slight Depression.

2009-07-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

I go through these wonderful periods of time where I just feel so low that it's really hard to be happy about anything at all. Although it is my mood, I always seem to persevere and move forward and I think that's how I work through it. I hope that I'm coming out of it now, fingers crossed. There is one thing to know about me, I like to keep busy. Keeping busy is usually my way of trying to stay positive. I just got over a HUGE patch of time where I was extremely busy and didn't have a lot of freelance work to do and think that's what propelled me into that stupid place. ANYWAY, enough of that.

After a bit of runaround from Schoolcraft, I have decided not to go there to get my web design certificate. I've opted instead to take on an additional part time job at Scrapbook Mania and to try to find things to busy myself. I did stumble upon a call for designers for Crane & co. stationary, maybe you've heard of it. I'm hoping to submit something truly inspired and amazing that they just can't pass up. I only have until August 1st, so that's good because now I have a deadline.

Tomorrow starts the Under the Trees art festival in Garden City. Matt will be having a "booth" with his stencil art, so wish him luck. Also, pray that the rain is minimal if no existent. Oh, it's located in Garden City park at the intersection of Cherry Hill and Merriman, come on down! Gotta go now, I have stationary to design.

I'm Not Gone.

2009-07-07T16:18:00.000-07:00

Just in case you were wondering, not abandoning this blog for the new blog, just adding a new one. I wanted a place to track my progression because I think it's going to be a worthwhile journey to document. Things have been pretty normal on the home front with a BBQ with my in-laws on the 4th. They came over, weird as they are, I know they mean well. Matt's sister just doesn't really understand that I think she stresses Stella out. It's like when they are over here, Stella is supposed to stop being 5 years old and wanting to play with her friends and only hang out with family. She just got to the point on the 4th where she ran in the house crying and I had to follow her in and let her know that we are the bosses around here, not Aunt Sarah. Sarah even got all riled up when I invited my friend Julie, who's on bed rest and having her baby on July 21st, and her husband over to watch our fireworks. And, she got bent out of shaped when the little kids in the neighborhood came over with there chairs to hang out too. Eventually she loosened up and went with the flow, but every time they come over we have to start over. It's stressful for me too. Oh well, it's my cross to bare. Cohen is rolling over all the time now and stands pretty well when you hold him up. It's only a matter of time before he's crawling and pulling himself up.

Lately I've really been itching to scrapbook. So, I ordered some prints from as many places as I could find that offered a bunch of free and cheap prices. I have so far ordered from 4 different places for a total of about 500 pictures and only spent $45. I sorted through all my patterned papers to find ones to give Julie and then I'm going to pick up a boy album for her. Since she's on bed rest she's been wanting to get ready to scrapbook the photos of her baby to be. We talked lastnight and I offered to get her an album and the next thing I know they're offering us a television. After Cohen was born our hand me down tv died and all we had was a small 12" one. Well, this is beyond generous at 27" and instead of being a standard screen, it's flat. We have been blessed in so many small ways this year, maybe instead of lamenting the bad things, I need to stitch together all the wonderful little things.

Follow Me.

2009-07-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

If you are interested at all in all the ins and outs and steps and such for me on my journey to receiving my MFA, I have started a new blog. It can be found at Destination: MFA and will also contain all things that inspire me along the way. Thanks for all your reading. It doesn't look pretty yet, but it will.

Brooke

MFA Bound.

2009-07-03T06:01:00.000-07:00

I'm actually doing it. I met with the graduate adviser at Eastern Michigan University and I will be making my submission in early February of 2010. So, what happens now? Work, and lot's of it, all while in conjunction with the endless trail of what I already do everyday and quite possibly taking 3 classes at Schoolcraft College to get some web design skills. Stupid? Smart? Tired.

I have plans to meet with an old professor to discuss my current work, where in I know he will challenge not only me but my work. Good! I am looking forward to it. A wise woman once told me that without frustration you would not overcome anything. Bring on the frustration.

I know this sounds weird or pretentious, but my goal is to teach, but also to mold people who are interested in design. I know that I spend entirely too much time in front of my computer and it is my challenge to tear myself away from it from time to time, but that is the part of me that knows I want to/can teach! Also, if I could throw in to the mix getting published, writing a book and holding gallery show, bring it on!

I will keep you posted and may even possibly have an additional blog showcasing my journey to my MFA. Thanks to everyone who reads this crap, I read your words and stay inspired. Thanks for all the support. :)

Signs of My Time

2009-06-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

Stella's party was a success! In spite of colder temps, overcast skies and a few obnoxious neighborhood girls, she had a wonderful birthday party. The present du jour this year was the Hannah Montana Barbie doll she received from her Aunt Yaya and Uncle Paul, her excitement over this doll was all over her face. The next day however, we paid dearly for allowing her to stay up past her bed time, and for the intake of sugar and "treats" as well. Bed time is not just a number in our house, it is a lifestyle. We all do what works for each of us and we know that if Stella is not sleeping by 9pm, the next day she is a wreck, crying at the least little thing and unable to focus the entire day. Cohen however is verging on not being able to stay up past about 6:30, he's my little party animal.

This week has been very introspective for me. Remember back a post or two when I talked about wanting to teach? Well, I've been gearing myself up to go back to school at Schoolcraft for web design with the idea in mind that I simply wanted a better job, that paid well and maybe offered some decent benefits. I never thought it would be a problem "getting in" to Schoolcraft though, I never bargained for that. Turns out, if you already have an associates from that school in the same program, you'll be hard pressed to get any aid at all (I can't get FAFSA money as I already have my undergraduate degrees) from the school. So, our work around is me achieving my Web Specialist Certificate instead. I had to write a little letter to the Financial aid department explaining my situation and now it will take them 2 weeks to make a decision. Fingers are crossed.

While contemplating this new "situation" I realized that in order to achieve my real dream, I would need much more than improved skills in web design, I NEEDED my MFA. So, I'm starting on this journey. I've looked into a few, but Eastern looks the best suited for my needs. Close to home (sort of), I don't have to be a full time student, they take more than 10 students per year and compared to Cranbrook and U of M it's less costly. One bright spot is that because of our current financial situations, it should make applying for financial aid next year be to my benefit, hopefully I'll get grants.

I just know this is something I MUST do, since losing my job after Cohen was born, I can see how my work has improved in leaps and bounds. I'm not bragging by any means, it's just that working for someone where all you could do was emulate there style for three years, left no room for creativity and not time or desire to do anything for myself either. And then before that, I worked for a marketing company and I didn't have the drive to do anything outside of work to further myself. I was young and thought, "I have my career now, there's no need to do any extra." Boy was I wrong, I might be a lot further along if I never had that attitude.

So, lot's to think about here, but I know some day I want to teach and I guess be able to say that I have my MFA, I guess it's the equivalent of a doctorate. I'm happy right now. :)

Big Bash Tomorrow!

2009-06-12T19:01:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Stella 5th birthday party. She officially turned 5 on the 9th, but since she was in preschool this year, figured it might be fun to invite her little friends from school to swim and have a little cake. Speaking of swimming, what's with this weather? Is the May or June? I have no idea if it will even be warm enough to swim tomorrow, bummer. And, geez, what's with people not RSVPing? So far I've had one no and 2 yes. Hmmmm, what to think about the other 13 children that were invited, SCARY! We also have friends and family coming, so all is not lost. Stella won't care as long as someone comes. :)

Took her to the doctor today and she is just big, in all manners of speaking. The doctor says her weight is ok, and that as long as she stays the same by next year she'll fall right in line with her height. She is 95th percentile for her height and the doc said the size of a 6 or 7 year old, this I figured. And so, people will expect more of her based on how she looks or think she is not very smart. And, she may need glasses, poor kid. :( Apparently Matt got glasses in kindergarten and I think both of my brothers did as well.

It was funny tonight we went to Plato's Place for dinner and the waitress suddenly said, "oh my god, he looks just like that baby from The Incredibles," pointing at Cohen. This made me laugh out loud as I have said this to Matt and Stella on more than one occasion.

OMG, I fed, or rather, tried to feed him peaches tonight and he would have none of it. I was telling the doctor about his #2 issues and she suggested starting peaches, even before veggies. In a word, HATE, and that isn't too strong a word either. Even 15 seconds after having tasted, his little body would shiver in disgust. I tried mixing it with cereal too and UCK, hell no. He even refused the bottle, choosing instead to get to bed. Such a sweetie!

Well, I should get to chilling out as all the housework is done, food buying is complete aside from Cake and ice. I need my rest, because if it rains, I need not be stressed if I am tons of people in my itty bitty house.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Another Winner & More!

2009-06-05T20:55:00.000-07:00

My lovely cousin Lorrie won my last giveaway since none of ya'll even bothered to enter. She will receive a beautiful poster print made from her choice of photo. Check them out, they also doing some amazing things with canvas prints! Lorrie wasn't just the only entrant, she also made a very compelling argument and in my heart would have won no matter what. So Lorrie, I truly hope Esteban enjoys his Father's Day gift. In Kroger news, I found out last Monday that I was a "potential top ten winner" and I will find out for sure if and what I've won by about this Wednesday, can't be sure absolutely though. I am very excited as over 37000 folks entered the contest. But, let's face it, most of the designs sucked!!! LOL If indeed I do win the top prize, you are all invited to a BBQ once I receive the gift card. Hell, I have a 1 in 10 chance of taking the top prize, why not me?

Matt and I are currently dabbling with Vinyl and a vinyl cutting machine. I am going to be adding to my Etsy shop or potentially opening a new shop, not sure how that will work. But I am going to focus for the moment on laptop decals. Here is one I

just made and LOVE.

Let me know if you know anyone who would dig something like that and of course, beside E.T. I will be putting together some other lovelies and are more pretty and abstract too. I want a real variety that appeals to many people. Maybe I'll post again tomorrow.

Switching Gears!

2009-05-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

Been feeling lost lately, hence, no time for blogging, well, aside from the last 2 giveaways. Aren't they fun? I've been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to come to some positive conclusions and I think I'm slowly stumbling towards clarity. I work for a local community college and on an almost daily basis am referred to as "the helper.?" I'm 31 years old and have 10 years of graphic design experience so feel that I am well beyond the condescending title. With that title, for all intents and purposes, I could be an elf working for Santa. Anyhow, I've decided quite recently that in order to improve our life, I too must go back to college. Nowadays it's not enough to have an Associates and a Bachelors degree, you need to continue to educate. I'll be taking web design classes and I think that within two semesters I could most likely get a much better job. However, it occurred to me today that I think I would like to, in time, position myself to be a full time professor at this college. Honestly, it surprised even myself. Those of you who don't know me don't know that my mother is a teacher and for me, it was the LAST vocation I ever thought of pursuing because I saw how hard it was for her in the beginning. But, she was teaching junior high, much more difficult than college students. So, that's where my mind has been. It didn't help today that I saw 2 folks I went to high school with working at the college also and just based on appearance alone, I felt reduced to that 9th grade inferior feeling fat girl who knew someday she would succeed. Welp, here she is still, proud of her accomplishments, but knowing deep down that she is not done yet. I have this drive inside of me that is unrelenting and unforgiving, maybe I need to loosen up huh?

Ah, my beans...

Cohen is growing so fast. He's been moody lately, maybe he's getting a tooth. Stella's been quite introspective and questioning things in

a way that I can appreciate. I love my kids. They are good in heart. Stella is very kind and would NEVER hurt anyone. Cohen is sweet and always smiling. God I love life right now.

ANOTHER GIVEAWAY! Just in time for Father's Day.

2009-05-29T19:03:00.000-07:00

We all love our hubbies and fathers, and wouldn't you like to surprise him with a gift that will make his heart melt? How about an 18 x24 Print of yourself, your child, a special place you know he'll just love, ANYTHING! Here is the company that's offering this amazing deal and once again it's absolutely FREE. They do amazing work with poster prints and you will be so pleased to have won such a prize. Get this, they even offer canvas prints. I think some time soon, I've got to try that, I've got an amazing photo I'd love to see on canvas.

Ok, so how do you win? Tell me about the photo or image you'd love to have blown up to 18 x 24 and I will let Stella decide who's got the best and most amazing idea. I will announce my winner next Friday evening, June 5th. Also, if you want a second chance to win and you have a blog, please post about this giveaway and link back to www.digitalroom.com and you will have double the chances of winning. Alright, NOW enter.

Here's The Haps.

2009-05-20T17:57:00.001-07:00

Ok, I have been bad about posting, BUT with good reason and I'll tell you why.
But first, I must announce the winner of the free business cards. Miss Sue!! Sorry, Jenn, but I figured since I've done business card printing for you already, and Sue has a sweet Etsy shop and well I've never had the chance to do a card for an Etsy shop owner. So, I'm sure you understand Jenn. Of course though, I thank the both of you for being the sole entrants of my contest. :P to everyone else who chose not to enter. I have been crazy busy. Here's a list.
1. Participating in contests here.

2. Busily making 15 flip flop invitations which I will take a picture of when all is said and done to show. I will be making 10 more, but 15 had to go to school tomorrow for last day of preschool.

3. Making 2 apple chipboard books for Stella's teachers, SO CUTE. I will also shoot a photo of these when I'm done.

4. We bought a pool for Stella (*for me really). Filling it up as I type.

5. Getting prepared to do a lot of work for my Vegas client.

So, not a whole lot of time to be here.

But, for #1 on the list, the latest contest I lost. I was designing the look of a Twitter page, shown temporarily here to reflect what I created. Although I lost the contest whose prize was $300, I did however gain them as a client and they want me to work with them on their marketing campaign. I CANNOT wait. Obviously a much bigger prize was had by this loser. That's all for now, I am still to be finished with items #2 and #3 on my list up there.

Later ya'll.

*GIVEAWAY ALERT!! FREEBIE including free shipping!!

2009-05-13T11:25:00.000-07:00

*Update*

For anyone interested, I can design your cards if you like, FREE of charge in the spirit of my giveaway. Good luck everyone!

Do you need business cards? How about 500 of them, and they're all FREE, including free shipping? Well, tell me why you NEED free business cards and I will pick a winner next Wednesday at noon! Anyone may enter, however, if you live outside of the US or Canada, you must pay shipping. This giveaway is being sponsored by

and if you are ever in need of business card printing, they are the guys to use. I personally have used them for mine and I can't say enough good things about them. OK, so there are 2 ways that you can win this prize. One, simply enter a comment on my blog, telling me just how creatively you would use this prize. And 2, write a post of your own about my contest in which you must link back to my blog and link to www.uprinting.com. Do one, do both, do nothing, but won't you be sad if you don't win because you didn't try?

Nothing else could be simpler! Now, get to it.

I Won, I Won!

2009-04-25T06:43:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it, and it came at just the right time, but I won my very first design contest and got $200 to boot. Here it is, check it out. I'm so happy! Can't you see me smiling? Cheer everyone, have a great weekend, we are tremendously busy! Wedding today and kids birthday party at Chuck E Cheese tomorrow, oh great fun.

Not Ignoring...Swearsies!

2009-04-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

Been keepin' busy trying to make extra money. I was offered a position for our downtown development authority but decided that I wasn't quite ready to sell my soul just yet for nothin'. I have been here a lot in the last week. They have these really cool design contests and while I haven't won anything yet, I have come very close. :) Not to mention I feel like I'm really amping up my portfolio and getting some really good feedback. Stella and Cohen are growing like weeds. Stella will be 5 June 9th and Cohen will be 4 months on Sunday. OMG, it feels like just yesterday that I pushed that kid out at the speed of light! But, I just got the bug to have another, someone please take my temperature, I must have a fever causing delusions. Matt is about to enter finals week, yeah. But, he won't be officially done until next semester, a couple more classes he wants to take, but he'll be looking for a job shortly I'll have you know. GMAC modified our mortgage, it's pretty good too, my only complaint is that it is still an adjustable rate, but it won't adjust until 2014! That's it for now, I will be back, never fear, you know I love you.

Snow Day, Snow Emergency.

2009-04-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

Rough day for me, probably because it was a Monday and it frickin' snowed, but we won't go there. Haven't posted in a while because I've been feeling lost. I'm not sure how it is for other professions, but I imagine everyday work issues are not quite the same as in graphic design. I'm not saying that other professions don't have it more or less difficult, but what I am saying is that sometimes it sucks to be a graphic designer. I am always selling myself to someone and I'm having to keep up on everything that is current and trendy, which I'm horribly bad at lately, and I'm always having to improve myself and appear hip and with it. Anyone that knows me knows that I am neither hip nor with it, BUT, I do know what I like. I am not lamenting who or what I am and I am so grateful to be a mother of 2 very healthy kids, but I am so damn tired of the devoutly cool! Come on! Sleeping till noon, dinners out every night, staying up til 3am because you were "inspired." Please, real life and real hard work comes in between working your job and your child's nap or in the morning before your daughter wakes up with her list of demands or at the end of the night once she's gone to bed for the eighth time and it's 10pm and now you're forced to work until 1am because now you must get that job done. Never you mind what you had hoped to do for yourself today. Tell me, what makes a designer? Time? Coolness? Cigarette smoking? Obnoxious pontification about frivolous topics of conversation? Or, is it simply doing what you love because it's the only thing you think about other than the everyday aspects of your life? Something inside me knows the truth is what I hope for, maybe someday I will be confident in that. :)

Oh My Aching Back.

2009-03-22T19:54:00.000-07:00

Put my back out on Saturday and I'm still dealing with the pain. I can sit and sleep, I just can't walk for very long standing up straight. I hate going to thechiropractor, I think it's creepy, but in this case, I know that I must. My chiropractor while very kind, makes me feel sort of uncomfortable, he's almost flirty if that makes sense. The bad part, he's a real throw back to the 80's, I'm talking he's got butt hair and molester glasses. Basically I've got a pinched nerve in my spine and it's been a year since it's acted up, and so it goes. I have however spent the better part of yesterday and today sitting in front of my laptop creating a poster for Garden City's first ever Art Festival (fingers crossed it actually materializes) and I've been busy. With the back pain I can't even pick up Cohen, so sure it will send my back into convulsions, so I sit and I'll feed, but someone has to transport the little man for me. Anyway, here is the poster, I'm proud of it. It's always fun to create something for a cause you can get behind. I take any and all chances I can to be creative lately. Even Saturday as we sat with the tax preparer, I offered to create some new business cards. She took me up on it and I'll be dropping off my business card to them some time this week. I'm trying.

Keeping Your Head Above Water.

2009-03-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

I'm trying not to get bogged down in the everyday. It's hard though right when you watch the news and you hear them say how bad things are. "Alright, we get it already, times are tough," except for probably the folks who are actually reporting the news. Ironic huh? Maybe if the news reporters started only reporting on positive news stories and then only running a ticker at the bottom of the television to post the bad junk, then maybe people's vision of the world would improve. Maybe? Optimistic? I'm tryin'.

Friday we have our final home visit from Stella's preschool teacher. I know everyone grows up, but I'll really be sad when Mrs. Dunwell is not her teacher anymore. I too know that she will have other amazing teachers, but Stella has grown up so much in the last 8 months or so and I credit some of that to her saintly teacher. So, she will sit with us for 20 minutes or so and tell us how she has progressed according to her records. What that won't tell me, I can see with my own eyes, my baby has grown. Looking at her class picture that arrived about 5 weeks ago, I saw the face of a baby. Rounded and scared, school was very new to her. Now, probably a few inches taller and a longer leaner face, she is growing into a beautiful young lady, I am lucky.

In my vein to be more creative again, I would like to make her teachers day planners. Using of course my stash of scrapbooking supplies. Since I am moving to digital scrapbooking (more on that later) I don't need as much "stuff." As I design, I will show pictures. I think I'm going to created the actual day planner info digitally and then print on blank paper. We'll see.

Work is good. It's a typical office, you have the worrier, the bitch, the nice guy boss, and various other characters. I believe that I am currently the "alli." My direct superior is almost continually complaining about her equal and referring to her as either foul or as an expletive that I will leave out here but it starts with an "a" and ends with a "hole." It doesn't make for a hostile environment, but it does feel like it's own little powder keg and you never know who has the match. What I'm frustrated with is the fact that I make a subpar wage at a College where they educate folks to get jobs just like the one I have. You'd think at least that they would consult the professors about what is an appropriate wage to pay a person of my expertise and vast experience. But, really the blame is all on me, I'm the poor shlub who had to take the job right? Today though, maybe the tides will turn. I have applied to a company that I am more than qualified to fill their position and it requires Department of Defense clearance. x) Kinda cool. I'm wondering if it would help me if I were to get an interview to inform them that my cousin was just appointed as a secret service agent. Hmmm....something to mull over I'd think.

Wish me luck to get an interview.

Past 10 Days In Review.

2009-03-10T20:34:00.000-07:00

A. Stella is sick.

B. We're waiting for Cohen to get it.

C. Dealing with a difficult woman at the new job.

D. Cohen slept 8 hours straight one day last week.

E. GMAC is working with us at the moment to the tune of saving $400.

F. Scored a new client from Vegas.

G. Starting to say what I mean and sticking to it.

H. Tired of struggle.

I. Want what I deserve.

J. Proud of my portfolio.

K. Can't wait to show off my new business cards I designed. (*Later)

L. Hoping Matt finds an amazing job when he's done with school in May.

M. So happy to call Barack Obama my president!

N. Trying to get enough sleep these days.

O. Guess that's about it.

Can I Use Your Toilet?

2009-02-20T19:01:00.000-08:00

What a difference a week makes right?

A new job that I love. GMAC has approved us for a partial loan modification, hopefully in the end, an entire modification. So far, $50 less per month. Funny how in these times negotiating your mortgage is like getting an interest rate lowered on a credit card. They lowered the rate by 2% on the one so far.

There was promise for Matt with a job interview on the horizon, but he received an email from the employer asking when he could meet but was informed that it would only be part time. That's just crap. People are so afraid to hire someone full time, it's insane, how do companies think people can live on part time money? Then, Matt is supposed to call in for his unemployment on Wednesday's

at 1pm, well he forgot. So he couldn't call until the next morning. I paid the insurance bill and of course, what happens, the unemployment check DOES NOT go in the bank this morning. So, we had to put a stop on the check. Then, my check doesn't go in the bank because I'm not "in the system" yet. WTF? Then, I get home from work and what should I find? Water filling up the street in front of

my house. A WATER MAIN BREAK!!! And, now they have cut down our tree and still digging in the front yard and no one is allowed to poopie.

Thank God Stella is spending the night at grandma and grandpa's. But, I'm still feeling positive. Things are looking up and I can see that, plus, with this little face smiling at me when I least expect it, I can't help but be comforted, right?

Happy Valentines Day!

2009-02-14T06:06:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone has a romantic day! <3

I've Started My Etsy Shop!

2009-02-12T15:28:00.001-08:00

In my small attempt to make extra cashola I have started an Etsy shop here. I am starting out with Etsy banners so far, but hope to drum up business creating logos and avatars. Hell, I'll do anything you need and it won't break your bank. Please check me out and if anyone needs something digital, please don't hesitate to ask me.

Thanks to everyone who has been silently supporting me. All your words of encouragement mean so much. :)

Something Good in All the Bad.

2009-02-11T06:31:00.000-08:00

So, I've been trying to help us keep afloat on just whatever freelance work I can muster up, along with whatever hours are tossed my way (ahem: meager). Well, Matt goes to school 3 nights a week and on Thursdays he just adores his teacher. He learns a lot and she's just really a very nice person. On Sunday night, Matt gets an email from this teacher and says for me to forward my resume to her. I do and by Monday morning she asks me if I would like to come in to Schoolcraft with my portfolio so that she can talk to me about a part time job with the colleges marketing department. I was thrilled! While the money isn't going to save our house, it will however save my sanity and what's more important in the grand scheme of things right? I go in and good lord I just thought I totally flopped and she probably thinks I'm a wet blanket, untalented hack. I told Matt that if I did get the job, it would only because she likes him. That night I took the kids to Target to do our typical baby food and bunch of crap I don't need shopping trip and to my surprise when we got home and I checked my email, I got the "You're Hired" email. I was completely stunned, but so thrilled. It will only be part time, 8:30-12:30 Monday through Friday, but it will allow me to do my other job as well as work flows in, so all is not lost. Some how, some day we will own a home again, but at least until then, we won't be homeless. Fingers crossed anyway. :)

We Have Movement.

2009-02-05T10:51:00.000-08:00

*Ah, may have been more of a bowel movement because something smells a lot like bull@&%t!

Don't know how monumental this is, but GMAC is working with us. We'll see. Matt said they told him that this month they decided that they won't wait until your behind to help you out. GREAT!!!! We always miss the boat on things. But, they want a list of all our monies that go out. It's funny, we were calculating everything and our list comes to 16 items that we spend money on including car payments, insurance, energy costs, phone, tv, internet, 3 credit cards all told just over $1000, groceries, gas, baby needs, 2 very small loans and the IRS. When we were first married we would have had to add to that at least 10 more credit cards. So sad we were. We've cleaned up our act, we've cut spending on all things, heck we didn't even formally shop for groceries as a way to cut costs this week. We aren't bad people, we just made a bad decision and now we are trying to get help. Is that so wrong? Now at least I have an ounce of hope, Matt however only has half an ounce. :)

He Smiled. It's All I Need Right Now.

2009-02-04T13:00:00.001-08:00

I'm Sorry, I Was On A Hiatus.

2009-01-28T17:28:00.000-08:00

I haven't abandoned everyone, just had some real issues that had to be dealt with. The long and the short of it? Welp, Matt and I and Stella and Cohen will be losing our house this year. :( It is devastating and sucks and nothing I ever imagined I would go through, but considering the circumstances, it is what it is. I won't be going into any details, but leaving it in the most legal way possible is the best choice for us, because our situation here is NOT improving with Matt still laid off, my hours greatly cut and both of us actively looking for work. We are as Matt says "now a statistic."

One of the hardest parts of all of this for me is that like everyone, I strove to do better than my parents did. Both Matt and I have our bachelors degrees check 1 on my list, we own/owned our home check 2, we have two beautiful children check 3, but sadly and thankfully this is something my parents never had to go through. I. Have. Failed. :(

The bright spot? We have amazing friends, and you all know who you are. One set of these amazing people has offered up a home to rent to own for us, and mind you a fully updated home that was the childhood home of a very good friend. Sadly her father died and then her grandfather and so now her mother is moving from that home she shared with her now deceased husband and into the home of her now deceased father. Scott and Julie have agreed that they will rent this home to us for as long as it takes for us to own it. :) We had no idea what we would do before this option was presented to us, mostly just the greater hope of new and better employment. The home that we will call ours possibly as early as June will cost us a whopping $600 less per month, hallelujah! Taking so much strain off of our already delicate income.

I cannot express to them enough how grateful we are about this and will probably annoy them so much with the amount of times I say thank you for saving my family and helping us stay together. You don't want to know what I thought our other options could be.

As I know things I will post them here, mostly for myself for "memories" in the future of tough times, but also to show you why I was unable to keep up with my new download for everyday. I simply don't care anymore and now have bigger fish to fry.

It's A Hard Knock Life.

2009-01-24T12:32:00.001-08:00

Matt and I currently have a VERY large decision to make. Either way we go, it's not a good or easy choice, but it is in fact a choice we HAVE to make. If anyone knows a lawyer that either doesn't charge much or would do a free consultation regarding real estate, I would be greatly indebted to you and would find some way to return the favor. Thanks everyone, just prey for us that things will turn out the way they are supposed to.

This Little Light of Mine.

2009-01-21T17:34:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to let it shine.

Things are not good at the moment.

I don't know how to go about recharging my battery or if I would be able to run better on some other form of energy. It doesn't seem to matter what I do in all aspects of life, it is never the right thing and it doesn't work the way I hope it will. I had hoped by this point in my life I'd be where I wanted to be, the way it is now is not how I imagined it. This sucks.

It's An Obama Nation!

2009-01-20T10:58:00.000-08:00

I will refrain from pontificating about what this day means as we are already aware of the magnitude and gravity of todays events. I will just say that I am a sensitive person and last week I even cried during an animated Disney movie, "Meet the Robinson's." In my defense it's about a little boy who is an orphan and when given the chance to go back in time to meet the mother who gave him up, instead chooses not to because his mother was really the woman who ran the orphanage. Come on your heartless if that is not touching and it made me think of Cohen, how people can give up their little babies I'll never understand. Anyway, while listening to the radio this morning they were talking about Martin Luther King Jr. and as the woman got choked up, so did I so I had to change the radio station. Then, as I was feeding little Coey, I caught Obama's actual speech and that got me quite a bit teary, I had to leave the room. It's not that I didn't want to cry so to speak, it's just that I feel silly. Am I weird as a white woman to feel positive emotions about such an impactful day? Would someone think it was not right for me to get these feelings because how could I truly understand what today means? I'm not sure, but what I do know is that for now I feel safe, at ease and happy. Something I have not felt, well, almost never about my country.

And, for your viewing pleasure, Cohen in his new hat. And, anyone that knows Matt and his infamous hat, will truly appreciate this one.

First Time In 4 Years.

2009-01-15T07:02:00.000-08:00

I have been taunted the last day or two by my Yahoo "In Box." How is this possible you say?? Last night and this morning I received not one but 2 emails encouraging me "not to miss out" on seeing my very favorite musician in the entire universe perform live in Ann Arbor. I first discovered Ben Folds about 15 years ago I think just matter-of-factly listening to the radio with my friend. I instantly loved his style, mediocre voice and what he had to say. It spoke to me at a time when I felt no one knew who I was. It felt good to be able to align myself with someone, something tha I understood, even if only in small part. So, I even married someone miraculously whom resembled this person at least to me, not on purpose, but by sheer chance and fate. Funny how that works out.

Anyway, we've both been to his shows I think 3 years in a row or so, I even won tickets one year, while working at my bosses house sitting on the commode, "can't believe I just typed that." But, I thought it was the coolest thing. He puts on an amazing show and if you are the least bit interested in his music, you should attend at least one show, it won't be your last. Sadly this year, I cannot justify the cost of the ticket, even though it is only $30.50 per ticket, a very small price to pay for such entertainment. And, really, I can't unload my children on my parents with Cohen only being not quite 7 weeks at that point. Even a doting grandparent would probably say "NO" to that request.

I guess what I'm saying is that this year there will at least be 2 extra seats left available to 2 lucky newbies to discover the true joy of Ben Folds experience. Have a great time, I'll be dieing of jealousy.

Revising Plans

2009-01-13T17:21:00.000-08:00

Call me what you will, slacker, lier, fibber. I am all those things. I have been caught up in the stresses of life right now, some scary realities and yes, some lack of determination. All this along with my baby love at my side or on my hip, both proverbially and actually. He is pretty much an appendage from about 9am until 9pm or so. As much as I strive to put him down, he strives to rest his head on my heart and who am I to complain.

So, my plans have had to suffer a bit and I am being forced to revise my plans on creatng a new download every day. So, for the moment I am planning on doing one per week. For now though I leave you with yet another childhood photo of me, my grandma and a couple of old, old, OLD friends from elementary school.

What's funny about this picture aside from our wardrobes and hairstyles, I actually almost got into my first and only physical fight with another girl over this very dress that I am wearing. You see, this is a photo taken at my 6th grade graduation. A couple weeks before this I went to a friends house and she showed me the dress she was going to wear to our graduation. When I went shopping with my mom at the ever fashionable JCPenney, I spotted the very dress she bought and also purchased it and wore it the same day. She freaked out. And after that summer upon entering Junior High and the ever horrible 7th grade, through other people, she declared that she wished to fight me over this. I was mystified, never had this happened to me before or since, but somehow I got out of it, probably with the help from friends, but I've never forgotten about it and will probably pass along the advice to Stella in the future. Funny.

A Glimpse Into My Past.

2009-01-10T19:35:00.000-08:00

Over the last week or so I have been color correcting some of my moms old photos of my brothers and myself when I stumbled upon this little gem.

Me in my circa 1977 stroller complete with all the dangerous crap manufacturers compiled into one contraption. Note first the metal bar within close proximity to my itty bitty mouth fully capable of bashing the teeth out of my head. Not to mention all the fun little pinch points for little fingers to fit in between. In addition, this thing looks like it could topple forward if I were to lean too far over. Great job moms of the seventies, how did we survive with these dangerous "baby items" and sleeping on our stomachs?

Curious Cohen, The Curious Little Monkey...

2009-01-09T12:07:00.001-08:00

Matt was holding Cohen last night feeding him and when I saw how he looked, I did not hesitate and took his picture.

Doesn't he look just like one of those baby monkeys?

I'm #3!

2009-01-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

Alright, here's the moment I'VE been waiting for for the last week or so. I've never been so excited to be slated as #3. Yeah Brooke, I feel like I'm finally on the map. Thanks Erin, you rock the mic!! :)

Check me out!

#6 Download - Tiny Notes, Big Love

2009-01-08T20:03:00.000-08:00

Today I will be featured on Design For Mankind and so I wanted to create a new download. I decided to create little Valentines cards that can be downloaded. Since Stella is in preschool, the subject of Valentines has already come up. These are tiny at a folded size of 1.75" x 2.75" I thought they might be nice little notes to place in your hubbies lunch bag in the morning for an afternoon pick me up, maybe slide in that crushes desk at work or just something "small" to mail to a loved one. I love tiny things that are cute, like my little Cohen. Pint sized treasures. Please enjoy!

Get them right here!

I Been Slackin'!

2009-01-08T08:15:00.001-08:00

But, who could blame me when you have this face to stare at each and every moment. I've also gotten a little work thrown my way, and I can use anything at all at the moment. Be sure to check in tomorrow. I am hoping to have a cool download because I will be featured on Design for Mankind as part of a Friday Round Up. Not sure exactly what will be said, but I'm hoping it creates a little traffic to my blog and maybe some interest in my work as an illustrator. So, I'm hoping to be a busy little beaver, as long as the little guy participates.

#5 More Paper

2009-01-05T21:25:00.000-08:00

These are some papers I did like a year ago, but rediscovered tonight. I had done them for submission to a company but didn't love them and never did submit them. They are simple, but they appeal to me. Maybe they will to you as well. This will have to do for today. Have some little lovelies I need to work on for a project with my Los Angeles contact (yes, I am that cool!) Then hopefully tomorrow it will be new business. Chow.

Oh Yeah, here's the link!

The Fourth Times An Alphabet

2009-01-04T22:08:00.000-08:00

I decided to go with an alphabet because I personally like alphabets and secondly, it was pretty easy to get done in the time I was alloted. I used Century Gothic and a set of spray paint grunge brushes from Deviant Art. Not completely original, but it is what it is. Sort of ran out of steam today. I do hope though that you'll enjoy.

Get it here.

Stella said something funny the other day. We were in the car just making conversation and I asked her if she was going to go to college. She said "No, I'm gonna be a mermaid!" So, today were talking about going to France and seeing artists and I mentioned to her that she could go to college and make art all the time and paint. She got a very excited look on her face and said, "I change my mind, I want to be an artist, not a mermaid!"

Number Three: Late, But As Promised.

2009-01-04T06:57:00.000-08:00

Here is another paper. I know, sort of a cop out, but I've been really tired, what with a newborn and a 4.5 year old to take care of. Is anyone enjoying any of this. Please, let me know if you've done anything with this beyond downloading it. I would love to know.

I call this one, "The Forest For The Trees" and, grab it here, as for the brushes used, I cannot take the credit and have misplaced the peoples names, but I found them here at Deviant Art, it's a great website for all things creative, check it out. Of course, if I ever do turn around and sell it, I cannot include those brushes and will indeed have to come up with my very own grunge brushes. I can do that, I've just been lazy.

Well, I hope you like it.

Just A Funny.

2009-01-03T18:53:00.000-08:00

Matt sent this picture to me, just made us laugh. Reminds us of Stella.

Whoop Dee Doo, Here's Number 2!

2009-01-02T22:11:00.001-08:00

As promised, here is the next download. So far, so good. It's a 12x12 digital scrapbooking paper in which I expanded upon the previous wood grain bird theme. Please enjoy. Now, you can strictly use this digitally or if you have a large format printer, this should print out quite nicely there too. Of course, your paper won't include pictures of me! You can find the download here.

In baby land, we are doing fine. He's still sleeping most of the time, so I'm able to go about most of my daily business. He does occasionally freak me out with strange noises he makes and he even made sounds like he was laughing today, twice. Now, I know that newborns don't laugh, but it did seem to sound that way. Welp, I'm tired it's 1am and my shift is over, I took the first shift and Matt is taking the second. Ahhh, here's to sleeping in a little tomorrow.

First Creative Pursuit of The Year.

2009-01-01T21:02:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to start rebuilding my portfolio, well, because I'm bored with myself and need the creative stimulation. So, for my first of hopefully many future *FREE* downloads, here is a set of bird and wood grain inspired address labels.I made these using an Avery label template available here. Nope, not trying to help Avery make more money, just trying to see if anyone would actually use these and trying to make it easy for you, but I assume that these would fit on any standard 10 up 2x4 address labels.

My little birdie address labels are available here for a limited time download. I will be sure to give a warning before I take them down.

Thanks for looking and I do hope you try it out. If so, please give me some feedback to let me know how they turn out.

To 2009!

2008-12-31T21:34:00.001-08:00

To smaller boobs and a brighter future.

Resolute or Indecisive?

2008-12-31T19:45:00.000-08:00

This year I do believe is the year that I make no promises. All those seem to do for me is allow me to let myself down. Instead I resolve to see the "sunny side." For example, it's not that we are using the cheapest baby formula, rather it is the most cost effective baby formula. You see how I did that? It's easy, now you try it. You want another one? How about instead of me just being too cheap and lazy to put gas in my car and drive somewhere, I resolve to lessen my carbon footprint. I know I'm being silly about this, but really, I think it will help me to do this. I am way too negative most of the time and hopefully this will make me a more positive person on a daily basis.

In other news, Cohen is just a great little guy. He and Stella are bonding nicely and she really seems to enjoy being the big sister. My mother has always told me that one is easy and that two is more than twice as hard. I didn't know exactly what she meant, but I did know that those words really worried me. What could she mean, more than twice as hard? Where was she going with this, and why couldn't she expand on that statement? NOW I GET IT! It's not that having a new little baby in the house is hard, it's dealing with that other little one that's been there in the first position for this long now feels like they are playing second fiddle. AHA!

Her personality has gone through such changes lately that I was concerned that she might have a mental illness. Going from so sweetly holding baby bro to making snotty comments at the least little thing. I spend most of my day feeling like I'm constantly trying to reassure her in not so subtle ways that she is still much loved all the while needing to scold some of the not so lovely behavior issues that have come up. Strangest part is, I don't feel old enough to have any depth of knowledge on this subject but at 31 with two children, I guess it is what it is. Matt and I can't help but notice all the personality differences between the two in relation to newborn behaviors. Cohen is SOOOOOO much more layed back than Stella ever was even just down to when he wakes up in the middle of the night. She would immediately wake up with this shrill cry that said "feed me know or pay later." All he does is sort of sqawk a bit and makes little noises to alert you that "hey, I'm here and when you get a minute could you feed me?" I think we could be feeling this way simply because we've done this before and we know what we're up

against and anything less traumatic than what we've already experienced we chalk up to good luck.

He's precious and she's preciously precocious.

This photo was taken just about 24 hours after giving birth to Cohen so excuse my strange look, but in this photo I really see how and why people say Stella is my Mini Me, weird how you don't always notice those things.

I am happy to say that since having Cohen I have lost about 22 of the 30 pounds I gained during pregnancy and I'm guessing that the gigantic boobs I've been forced to carry around the last three days may just account for a couple more pounds, so I'm nearly back to my starting point and I would like to lose another 25 to get where I really want to be, hmmm, maybe I snuck in one shiny little New Years resolution. :)

But, since I am not quite there I've had to wear some of the early maternity pants because my regular jeans don't fit yet and today, the little miss asked me why my butt is getting bigger. Wow! Someone hasn't learned to be delicate about such subjects. Matt though did reassure me that it was just the pants that looked bigger on my butt, not the other way around.

Welcome: Cohen Sullivan

2008-12-27T17:24:00.000-08:00

Yes, that is him and his prison number. I thought it was funny that when they discharged us, it was not by his name, but his number D5697. Hence the old time style prison photo and number. Let's see, I went in the day after Christmas at 8am. Instead of inducing me, they said I was already in active labor and so they weren't going ahead with the petocin. I was already at 4cm and progressing nicely. After a couple hours, they gave me a shot of Nubane to deal with the contractions and I was doing fine. That wore off and the contractions sort of stopped. They gave me a whiff of Petocin and the races were off. By noon, I was having heavy duty contractions with about 30 seconds in between them. I said I wanted the epidural. The guy came in all tattooed and buff acting bragging about how good he was at administering said epidural and began the process. The contractions were getting worse and worse and by now I was crying. After probably about 15 attempts, he was going to get someone to help him, something about the pockets between my vertibrae being small. Anyway, the nurse asked me if I didn't want Demerol instead and I said YES, don't let him get somebody else. He came in and looked all apologetic and let down and I was in so much pain I just said, "don't worry about it, I don't care." At that point I went from 8cm to 10cm in probably under a minute and KNEW that I was about to push. They came in and after I think 4 pushes, hard ones, he was out, by 2:33pm. He weighed 7lbs 11oz and was 20.25 inches. A wonderful little boy and we are so thrilled he's ours.

Here's a funny story though, on Christmas night Stella was spending the night at grandma's so that we could just go easily to the hospital the next day. I said, "what time to you want me to call you tomorrow?" She said, "2 o'clock, no 2:30." Wow is all I can say, I think she is slightly intuitive.

Any way, I am tired, sitting here typing as Cohen is laying in his bassinet. And I'm thinking about heading to bed. Thanks for reading.

Visions of Sugar Plums Dance in My Head.

2008-12-23T10:42:00.001-08:00

Well, I kind of owe someone an apology, not exactly sure who yet, but someone is probably due. Matt and I begrudgingly headed to the Health Department this morning and we were not prepared for what happened. I was already upset before we entered the building and basically told Matt, that he had to speak as I was already in tears. In my defense, I am 9 months pregnant and prone to emotional outbursts. So, this very nice girl tells us that she will squeeze us in on her break and we'll see if we can't get something. I'll spare all the boring details, but this amazing young girl whose only title was "Typist" is certainly much more deserving of a more inspiring title, maybe that of Goddess Representative on High, yeah, that's better. Whatever she did got not only Stella approved for MI Child - the very low monthly payment of $10/month with medical and dental which will allow her to continue going to the doctor in Plymouth that I absolutely love, but it also approved me for medicaid to fill in the blanks after I have Cohen and need all that follow up care, PLUS, she was able to qualify Cohen for the Healthy Kids program which is absolutely free!!!!! And, we were able to go back to Blue Cross Blue Shield, our beloved PPO. You do not know what it's like to go from having a PPO all your life to suddenly being thrust into the world of an HMO. I hated it and feel like I'm going home again. Before we left, both Matt and I hugged her and I told her that she had restored my faith in other people and I think I even called her honey, not like me, but I was again very emotional. So, needless to say, I finally feel like I am allowed to enjoy both this Christmas and the last few days we have as a family of three. Thank you again to our angel Nicole, you will never TRULY know what you've done for me and how I now trust other people with the things that are most important in my life. My hope is that someday I can do the same for someone else.

Merry Christmas!

Become A Dirt Ass, Get Rewarded For It!!!

2008-12-22T13:44:00.000-08:00

*Alright, I am desperate. I know there are experts out there among you. Where can I go that I won't lose my house just to get my children seen or at the very least where can I take my newborn to get all the shots and checkups he needs? I am in a panic. We DO NOT qualify for any type of state funding, I make TOO MUCH money, however, at the moment, I can barely afford all my regular bills. Depending on when Cohen comes out, I will only have a day or so to get him to the doctor that I love, but will not be able to afford once I do not have insurance as a wellness visit would cost me $147 and a sick visit would cost me $87. What is wrong with this world where you are continually rewarded for leaching off the government. It's like if you are in the middle you are just f&%$ed!

So, as you know, Matt was laid off the day before Thanksgiving and we'll be losing our health insurance as of January 1st. I was told by many people that my children at least would qualify for MI Child and potentially WIC. Well, I have absolutely no interest in applying for WIC, not a road I'd be willing to go down. But, for as far as health insurance goes, that is a necessary evil. Today I thought to myself, "gosh, I should really get that moving before Stella gets sick again and Cohen comes." So, I applied online. Well, guess what. We don't qualify because I make too much money. Gee Whiz, I knew that we were ROLLIN' IN THE DOUGH, but I didn't think that was any indication of whether or not my children would or would not qualify for the god given right to be raised healthfully? This is total BS if you ask me, and you should because I indeed have an opinion on the subject as you may have guessed by my post title. You see, in the eyes of the great state of Michigan, if you make anything above about $10/hour, you DO NOT qualify for a state funded program. Basically, we are being penalized for being 1. Educated, 2. Having Above Poverty Level Pay, 3. and basically Not Being Dirt Asses who always strive to be better, more productive citizens. Well, I for one am looking to purchase 4 tickets on the next train the hell out of this country and into Canada, maybe even France. Michigan and it's rediculous policies can kiss my you know what!!!!!

Do You Put Yourself Out There Too Much?

2008-12-20T20:14:00.001-08:00

I do! How do you stop that behavior? At the moment, it can't be helped, but do you do it at the expense of your family and loved ones? I do! It's a pattern of mine that I'd like to end today! Why you may ask? Because it never seems to be reciprocated and it only seems to hurt the ones I love. Sorry, I'm just feeling low at the moment, I'll get over it.

It's A Marshmallow World In The Winter.

2008-12-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

Well, the snow DID cover the ground, but most of our days go on as usual. All those lucky kiddies who don't have school today will be driving their parents nuts one day earlier than they would have. Took a couple photos of the yard and played with the color a bit, applied a Lomo Photo effect and then found a set of Vintage Photo Frame Brushes here to add a nice effect that so reminds me of the overexposed pictures my grandmother had in her collection of photographs that I was in love with. Feeling sort of blue today, but I always do when I miss my grandma. :( It's been 12.5 years, but she's never far from my thoughts, so this post is for your Margie!

An Amazing Gift.

2008-12-18T13:45:00.000-08:00

Today when I opened my door to get the mail, there was a fluffy package there in that I was not expecting. But, I saw the name and knowing how talented this person is, I got so excited, I barely made time to put my other junk mail down. I ran to get something to open the package and what should be in there, but the most lovely little item I've ever seen, and it was all for me, well for Cohen anyway.It is the most absolutely loveliest little cozy sweater you ever did see. He is going to look so cute is this sweet little sweater.

Sue, you are so talented and just once I want to hear you brag about how good you are at knitting and how you NEED to open a shop and how much people would just die to get ahold of the things you create. Please visit Sue's blog and encourage her to open some kind of shop where she can share all the beauty with others.

Sue, you are absolutely the best!

One Last Picture.

2008-12-16T17:29:00.000-08:00

Feeling really good today, and hoping sort of that it doesn't mean this is the calm before the storm. Or, maybe I do, I don't know. I decided I should probably take one last photo of the big ole belly before I give birth. We took Stella to see the lights at Hines Drive and needless to say, I was not impressed this year. Maybe it's the economy or maybe companies are bahumbugging it this year, but there wasn't nearly as much set up this year as the last. Hmmmm, not sure why it should cost $5 either. Oh well, not trying to be cheap, but if things aren't as good as last year, shouldn't the cost go down maybe? Well, feeling the pressure to remove old photos from Stella's scrapbooks as they are already falling apart and I'm going all digital. I can't help it, it kills me to see those stupid books already falling apart. I'm going with www.blurb.com for a large hard cover bound book. The cost isn't that bad when you consider what you'd spend on all the scrapbook paper products. You should check them out, they are so worth a looksee. Until next time.

My Zazzle Shop Items.

2008-12-14T07:48:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to show you the items I have in my shop. I am sort of excited about them and who knows, maybe we can make a buck or two. Thanks for looking and remember, here is my shop.

This Is Not Meant To Offend

2008-12-13T23:05:00.000-08:00

I don't think that this should offend anyone, but the only reason it's going here on my blog is because I want to protect my intellectual property rights and I've been advised that publishing it to the internet is as good as it gets. You all know that Matt was laid off the day before Thanksgiving right? Well and that because of all this bullshit, we are losing our insurance January 1st right? Forcing us to have Cohen early in order to avoid a rather large bill from Botsford General right? So, the other day at my OB appointment, I was chatting with Matt while half naked waiting for the doctor to come in and "survey the area." Well, we were talking about out of work auto workers and it dawned on me. I could change the UAW - United Auto Workers logo to the UOW United Outta Workers. And, I only felt justified in doing this because I had been personally affected by it. So, case closed for me, but I still hope not to have offended anyone.

However, if you know of anyone that might be interested in a t-shirt with said logo on it, please visit my Zazzle shop here to purchase something. It could only add to our dwindling income.

We Have A Date.

2008-12-12T08:27:00.000-08:00

An induction date that is. I am officially scheduled for December 26th at 8am to birth my little guy. Unless of course he has his own plans and well, let's be honest he is a man and they ALWAYS have their own agenda.

Poor Jilted Stella.

2008-12-10T20:55:00.000-08:00

The other day Stella informed me that she and Jimmy were and I quote "In Love." I laughed, but she insisted her and her little schoolmate who is quite the cutey were in fact in love. I asked her is she was going to marry him and her answer was "I'm not going to marry a little kid." I assume she was implying that they were just very close friends.

This evening after school, I saw Jimmy and his grandma walking past our house with a little girl. I said "hey Stella, Jimmy just went by our house." She bolts to the window only to see this little girl and she screams "that's Faith!" And let me just tell you, she sounded very mad that her little Jimmy was with another girl. I said, "well, are you sure that it's Faith?" And she said, "YES! yes it was." She proceeded to step out onto the porch and yelled "Hi Jimmy" but got no response. She sat out there for a minute, I can only guess debating whether or not to run down the sidewalk and say hello. Instead she sulked for a minute and told me that I needed to make her feel better. I felt for her, really, but mostly it just cracked me up.

We are surely in for it aren't we.

Too Too Busy.

2008-12-09T19:32:00.000-08:00

It's been a whirlwind since well, the day before Thanksgiving. Yeah, Matt is out of work, but thankfully with all the OT he had put in through the last year or so, his unemployment is about $10 more per week than an average dues removed payweek. Yippee! Sadly though, it won't last forever. At least we weren't used to him making amazing money and it's not an adjustment, until it runs out of course. But, he'll be done with school in another semester or so and we have our fingers crossed.

Well, I am out of PC world and loving every minute of it. My brand new laptop arrived vis FedEx the Monday after Thanksgiving and here she is.

I am indeed in love! I was even able to work at Panera this very afternoon after dropping Stella off at school. True bliss I say. We also got jolly the Saturday after Thanksgiving and Stella and I decorated our beloved pink tinsel tree. Matt pretty much hates it and says he needs to hand over a man card for every years it exists, but I enjoy it, it's something I've always wanted and finally, when we bought our house 2 years ago, I went ahead and just bought one on Ebay. Love it.

And, subsequently after Thanksgiving Stella was sick and not just a little, try double ear infections. And, on top of that, after getting her a free antibiotic from Meijer, we found out through some not so lovely hives that she is in fact allergic to anything with cillin in it so we went from free to a $40 antibiotic. YEAH! What next? No, I probably shouldn't ask that huh?

I have a question of all ya'll who may read or lurk on my little boring blog, can a pregnant woman tell if her baby is breech by how the baby moves and feels from the outside of the belly? I have a strange feeling and inclination that he is either diagonal or facing the wrong direction or something. There is an obvious side that he moves on and one side of my stomach sticks out further than the other and on occasion one side is downright more uncomfortable than the other. Am I just being weird? Please advise.

Secret Lair.

2008-11-28T07:27:00.000-08:00

OK, so I'm coming to you from a remote location and have to be sure to dress warmly and type quickly. Actually, I'm located for the moment in our basement on Matt's PC. You see, for the past week or so, my computer has been acting strangely, just shutting off suddenly all on its own. We thought that maybe because of its proximety to our heating vent that it was in fact overheating, but since we moved it accross the room, it seemed to stop doing that. UNTIL, the other day. It must have shut itself off about 5-6 times before I finally realized, WOW, we really need to do something about this. I begrudgingly called my mother to see if she couldn't help us out and thankfully, since she's the best mom in the world an my rock, she obliged. I ordered a brand spankin' new macbook pro on Wednesday night. Thank god I did, as after that, it progressivley got worse and worse until finally I'd saved and transferred all that I could and the poor guy just conked right out. He'll be missed. He was my trusty steed for almost 3 years and because he was a refurb, who knows how long the previous owner had him. But, now with new baby quickly on the way, this little baby will make my life that much more portable and easier. Hopefully though, he will arrive much sooner than Cohen, I don't know how long I can last in PC world.
:P

And I Was In Such A Good Mood...

2008-11-24T09:44:00.000-08:00

Some times I just love a good gloomy overcast day, so much more appealing when you have lots of indoor work to do. So, after dropping the little miss off at school I decided to head to Panera for a nice hazelnut coffee with a scotsch of nutmeg and a Cinnamon Crunch bagel. When, on the drive home what should happen but a nice fat rock hits my windshield and puts a nice little spider web crack in it. I figure it was only a matter of time before my cheer demeanor was forcibly changed and yet only still a matter of time before that small spider web turns into a giant spider mansion.

UGH!

A Conversation We Had This Morning.

2008-11-18T18:20:00.002-08:00

Stella: "Mom, do you know that Patrick likes to say Fish Paste?"

Me: "Oh really, yeah, I guess I can remember hearing him say that."

Stella: "Yeah, and I think Sponge Bob likes to say Jesus Christ."

Me: "STELLA, don't say that again and by the way, I think it's Momma who likes to say that, but that's a big people word, you're not allowed to say it."

Stella: "OK momma."

Rough Day Today.

2008-11-16T15:49:00.000-08:00

*UPDATE: Mission accomplished, not a repulsive mess any longer and still not as cleavagy as Pink. :)

Today started out good, but quite quickly regressed. Someone who shall remain nameless came over today to "cut" and I use that term loosely my hair. Needless to say, once this person left I began to try my attempt at fixing it. Matt suggested not fussing too much with it so that I didn't push it beyond being repairable. So needless to say, this is what I feel like I look like. Yes, not exactly like this, a little longer, but that's how it makes me feel. Then we decided to bring the babies dresser into the house from the garage only to realize that it was a complete and total piece of junk. A neighbor down the street gave it to us and acted like it was this great piece of "old" furniture but it ended up mostly being made of literally cardboard and particle board. It just brought me to tears in the end. With having to deal with Matt being laid off for all of December, the prospect of my hours dwindling greatly lately and losing our health insurance by January 1st, this day just sent me over the edge. I just want to scream AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

But, first thing tomorrow morning I plan on getting a cut that fixes the hackcut I received today. Stupid me for not looking deeper into the background of said person and trying to get something for nothing. Lesson learned. Here's what I'm going to hopefully get tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

A Shocking Response.

2008-11-11T20:06:00.000-08:00

Had another baby doc appointment and all is well. Baby Cohen is measuring 33 weeks already. Last time he was only measuring 29 weeks. Growing fast. I asked Stella tonight if she had any concerns about the baby coming and suddenly things got dark. She looks at me like she going to cry and says "I'm worried that Cohen will be dead in your tummy." All I could do was say "Oh baby, NO, he's fine, he's moving all the time, don't even worry about that." I thought she would say something more along the lines of "I'm afraid you won't love me as much as the baby" etc.

Then she told Matt and it made him upset a little, apparently something he NEVER wants to hear again. Wow! Sometimes I am so shocked by what comes out of her little brain.

New Pregnancy Symptom!

2008-11-10T11:28:00.000-08:00

OK, aside from eating anything and everything I see these days, I've developed yet another pregnancy symptom that I didn't have with Miss Stella. I started getting achy pain that felt like I had a bruise forming on my right wrist. Upon looking up this symptom in relation to pregnancy, I discovered that I more than likely have pregnancy related carpal tunnel. OMG! I cannot handle one more new thing to pop up. Oh, well, being that I am nearly 33 weeks, it could just be about a month from now that little Cohen arrives. Oh god, I'm scaring myself now.

PS: I should be receiving my prize from Candace Ang and I am breathless with anticipation.

The History of Halloween aka My Favorite Moments.

2008-11-06T21:54:00.000-08:00

A recap of Halloween's past and present. Here is the little goobie as a goldfish for her second Halloween ever. Yup, I made the costume all with my own little hands. Felt was my medium for a few years.

Here is the Halloween for our first year in our new home. Actually we hadn't lived there for even a whole week by Halloween this year. Here she is Tinker Bell, well my felt covered version anyway. And of course an obligatory shot of her at the Pumpkin Patch with daddy.

This year right before Halloween, she fell off the porch and scraped her arm from wrist to elbow on a brick paver. "Ow!" It looks worse than it actually was because we only had really small band aids. I dubbed her Frankenstella for the next few days.

Daddy took her on a "Photo shoot" for a website he is creating. She is supposed to be the female, much younger, Woody Guthrie.

Yes, that is her guitar and yes those are Sponge Bob vinyl cling stickers on it.

Ah, the thankless job of a pumpkin carver. I was "busy" and didn't have to carve or get all gooey, that was her job.

Here are the treat boxes I created for her first class party. They are supposed to look like little monster with orange and green rice krispy treats on the inside. They came out pretty nice.

Here she is getting into costume for school.

And, here she is on her costume parade around some of the hallways.

I'm Not Wrong, I'm Just Not Wrong!

2008-11-06T17:21:00.000-08:00

I know this may easily offend, so steer clear if you even think you won't like it. Today apparently I offended someone and their political views. I do apologize to this person, but I have to say I don't think I'm wrong.

How can people say, because a certain person was NOT elected, that they feel scared, numb, frightened, etc??? What that implies to me is that they are ignorant and well, I just won't say anymore. This unelected person decided it was better to back out of Michigan only a few weeks before our historical and amazing vote the other night. Now, to me, that is not a good example to set as a would-be leader. It's cowardice and a sign of a quitter. Hmmmmmmm........not exactly what I expect out of my future leader. I have never aligned myself with any particular party. Although I was raised in a democratic household and married into a republican one. I have voted for both sides. This time around I sided with a winner! And, not to mention the "Change We Need!" I am proud to call Mr. Obama my president now and till the end of his term in office and I will pray for his safety every day for protection from the racist and bigoted.

This was personal for me mostly I think because where we live is doing so poorly, but strong people will always survive regardless of your situation. You must Improvise, Adapt to Overcome! This is the motto in our home these days thanks to a former ex marine boss of my husbands. Matt works in the auto industry and our life has been a constant struggle ever since. We at least had enough foresight for him to go back to school, as he already has an Associates and a Bachelors degree that didn't get him where he needed to be, he will be receiving his 3rd degree just to be able to make it in this struggling economy. Being on the line as it were, his job will soon go to the lowest bidder as will all men and women in his position! It is just the reality of our times and area of the country.

People, what I'm saying is EMBRACE CHANGE! Damn! I get so frustrated hearing racist jokes about Obama and bullshit about being disappointed. Get on the bus and fast track it to the 21 Century, life is too short to spend your life afraid to change.

WOW!

2008-11-04T20:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm not very deep, but all I can say is that this is the first election where I feel like my voice was finally heard. Today, I am proud to be an American.

A Great Weekend.

2008-10-26T15:13:00.000-07:00

Well, things are turning around for me, and fast. Still not ready to share yet, but soon enough ya'll will hear about it non stop I'm sure. Thanks Tristan!:) First off, here is a 30 almost 31 weeks pic of me.

Can't tell till I line up the photos how much bigger I look but from how I'm feeling lately, it's definite that I am substantially bigger now. I'm not getting as much sleep as I'd like right now because of me and working and stuff, but to be honest, my back hurts more when I sleep than when I don't and it seems to take me forever to get to sleep now, which is a total change from before pregnancy. Also, we were dealing with the little Miss and her cold in which she basically kicked Matt out of our bed Friday night forcing him to sleep in her bed and she finally settled down around about 2-2:30am. So, life lately, not conducive to good sleeping habits and old habits die hard as well.

Saturday was just a really good day in general, new things on the horizon, a visit to a neighborhood haunted house all decked out that Stella absolutely loved. She actually told me she would pick Halloween over Christmas, that's a pretty big deal. On top of all that, I got this WAY cool bag from Scrappin' and Stampin' that I'm gonna use as a baby bag.

I only had to buy $20 worth of Little Yellow Bicycle products to get it for free and that wasn't difficult for me. I am psyched.

I'm also in process with a treat box I'm creating for Stella's Halloween party at school, then I'll be making purple and orange rice krispy treats that will go in the box. Today Matt and Stella carved pumpkins, pictures to follow and I am doing something a little different to mine because honestly it's rotting we're pretty sure and we won't be carving into that bad boy. I still need to get pics of the few little layouts I did last weekend at my crop, so hopefully in the next couple days I'll be posting all about Halloween and what we've got going.

It's Time For Things To Change.

2008-10-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

Had a rough day yesterday, between managing the everyday and trying to mix in a doctor appointment for me that took WAY longer than it needed to and trying to feel like I'm a good mother, I was pushed to my limit by the time Matt got home from school at 10pm. I unloaded to him and luckily for him, he just sat there, listened, and sympathized. YES, after all this time, he knows what I am looking for when I do that, not spending the whole time interrupting me offering "suggestions." I actually felt a little better after talking this time. However, I stayed up till 2am and felt sick to my stomach when I woke up at 8am. I really need to stop doing that, but I feel so much pressure to produce lately. The doctor told me that my issues with stress and anger are most likely the result of severe sleep deprivation, and I would have to tend to agree, but everything else as far as the new babe goes is perfection. Aside from new symptoms now of sciatic pain and what could be the start of vericose vains (OH YEAH!). This is my life.

But, there is something new and potentially positive on the horizon, only time will tell, but I can't wait to get started, it could only make things a bit easier in the long run.

The Feeling of Unraveling.

2008-10-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

This was not the best weekend for me. Rather than delve into all the dirty details, I'll just say that what I'm left with today is the feeling the my life and myself are slowly unraveling. It mostly involves my immediate family and really, life long underlying issues that I've had to deal with there. My assertion that someone I love may be dealing with possible mental illness and the lack of support by said person to someone who so desperately needs support from all of us. Since we were kids, my brothers and I have had a somewhat rocky relationship, but I always felt like we could be open with each other, get angry, but then get over it and move along. Not so apparently, at least for them. Matt always tells me that I am full of holes that allow people to reach in and poke at me, and that I force myself to deal with toxicity at all times because of that. I agree, I wear my heart on my sleeve, but it's ME, take it or leave it, I won't be changing any time soon. All I can do is choose where and when to express my opinions and protect myself.

While in preschool, I was voted most sympathetic, and that hasn't changed. I feel what others are feeling, I can fully engross myself in someone else's emotions and take on their burdens along with my own, especially with those in my immediate circle. And, believe you me, it IS exhausting, I was emotionally spent yesterday as I weeped with my mother over the issues at hand. And, when a brother arrived, I begged him not to get things going while I was there, it would have just sent me over the edge with nausea. He understands, he didn't want to involve anyone else but my mother and father, hopefully that went well.

Oofff, I'm still trying to come down from this weekend. On the upside, I did get to scrapbook for almost 12 hours on Saturday at an event up the road from my house. I didn't get as much done as I would have hoped, but I work slowly, painstakingly to give birth to each and everything I create, so it's fine with me. Thanks ladies for a fun weekend. When I have time, I will post pics of what I did accomplish.

I'm A Winner!!

2008-10-15T16:33:00.000-07:00

But, you all knew that. JK. I commented on a blog called The Blah, Blah, Blahg. I just commented and told them my favorite color and voila, I am a winner. I don't know exactly what I've won, but I do know it's a Candace Ang original. Could be jewelry, other than that, I'm not sure exactly what she designs, as soon as I know, you will! You should check out he Blah Blah Blahg, she does giveaways all the time and I NEVER win things, but this time I was lucky. Wahoooo!!!

What's Wrong With Me!

2008-10-10T10:13:00.000-07:00

Am I having a hormone surge that I'm not fully aware of? Am I just a stick in the mud? I am just feeling down the last couple of days. Not like depressed, but just not yeah happy like I think I should be. I mean, I could use for the heavens to raineth money down upon us, but we're ok. I think it's because I keep waiting for this stupid reimbursement check to come in and every day it doesn't, I get irritated. But, it's not all about money. Things have just felt sort of rutty lately. Went to the doctor today and knew I probably gained some weight because I'd been eating like a little pregnant piggy and to my shock, I gained over 7 pounds. Wow! For me, that feels like a lot in 2 weeks. Maybe I should try NOT eating 6 meals a day.

In other news, we watched Oprah the other day and have decided to unplug all pluggable items when they are not in use so as to lower of some times excessive energy bill. The last one was for $160 or so, we're going to try to see how low we can go with unplugging as much as we can handle, you know tv, lamps, alarm clocks, radios, stove, furnace/air (just turned off) and turning off lights until we need them. It should be interesting if I can just get Stella to turn her bedroom light off when she leaves her room. So far, so good. I'll let you know what the verdict is.

I Am Heartbroken.

2008-10-06T13:06:00.000-07:00

Today I heard something that made me so sad and it even made me cry. We picked Stella up from school this afternoon as we always do and she was telling us about her day. She cut out a stop sign and an arrow for her Stop, Drop and Roll mobil, apparently learning about fire saftey. Then she proceeds to tell us that at snack time a little boy sitting next to her told her she was fat. Her response was that of utter surprise and she stated, "I'm Not Fat!"

Inside I crumpled like a brittle leaf. All my worst fears leapt to the front of my brain and my throat clenched. My little baby may be slightly fluffy, but she certainly is not FAT!!! Damnit! These are my issues, not hers, why does she have to have those words uttered to her? She is beautiful and in my opinion, the cutest girl in her class, this little boy must obviously come from a family where it is acceptable to criticize even the youngest of people for various things.

Matt's response to her was to tell the little boy, "well, at least my parents are literate, and married!" I half laughed, but inside I was hurt beyond recognition. As I got out the car after the 45 second car ride, I could hold back the tears no longer, even as I type this, I still have tears in my eyes. I called my mom, a teacher at the same school and she advised me to write a letter and that is what I intended to do anyway.

You see, in my preschool class, I was voted most sympathetic, and this is something that has stuck with me ever since, almost like a handicap, so far, Stella doesn't have this gene. God, I am so hurt by that, but luckily, she's a smart little girl, and not yet nearly as sensitive as I am or was. I love her so much.

A Bragging Rights Post.

2008-10-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

Today is all about bragging. Well, not boastful bragging, oh well, maybe just a little. First, here is my latest belly shot, 27 weeks today. Wow, I wasn't freaked out until yesterday when I received in the mail a nice little pamphlet titled "New Beginnings Maternity Center at Botsford Hospital" which contains pages upon pages of info dedicated to my delivery day. Yes, it is inevitable, but up until now, I was under the impression that I wasn't afraid of labor this time around. Ha! Suppose I even fooled myself. Alas, here is my latest photo. Oh yeah, here comes the bragging part. Last week at the doctors office, I had to ask them how much weight I've gained, because I honestly hadn't been keeping track. And, guess what, I've only gained 3.25 pounds. Now, it's not as good as when I had Stella, where I only gained 2.5 pounds up until the weekend before I actually gave birth to her, the weekend I put on 12 pounds of water weight and delivered her 5 days later. But, I wasn't sure how my body would behave this time around, I WAS SCARED! There is just something about my body's chemistry while I'm pregnant, however, when not pregnant, it's a toss up. While it may not be appearing on the scale, I indeed am feeling blimpalicious, and this picture proves it.

Today we had a visit from Stella's teacher, part of this preschool programs requirements, a home visit once in the beginning of the year and once at the end. I was a little nervous, as I know that we all know our own children's short comings, but it's still hard to hear them out loud, not discussed in hushed voices with your spouse while said child is in an adjacent room. But, luckily she is doing just fine. She's not ready for the talented and gifted program, but I have learned that I have a very sweet and very tolerant little girl on my hands. Yesterday she came home telling us about a little girl that kept following her around telling her that she wanted to be her friend. Stella told us though in no uncertain terms that she DID NOT want to be this girls friend, but she played with her anyway. I told her that she didn't have to be best friends with everyone, but that she DID however need to be nice and she assured us that she would be. I do know that child she is talking about and I am guilty of harboring the same feelings about her becoming friends with this little girl, but my feelings com from a more shallow and even a little bit of a concerned place. You see, this little girl cries every day before going home because she does not want to go home, and that makes me wonder just what the heck is going on at home. I will never let Stella set foot in that little girls home, I wouldn't want her to be subjected to anything that may or may not be going on there. But, that may be fodder for stories for another day.

Finally, I decided just what I wanted to do with that wine bottle that I had holding my fake dozen black roses. I decided at about 10pm last night that I didn't want fake black roses just sitting in a wine bottle in my house when Stella's teacher came by to visit so here is what I did with it.

In the close up view I tried to show where I used white ribbon to create a mummy like feeling to wrap the portion of the bottle that was difficult to wrap with paper, I think that I was successful. At least it was creative and as usual, I accomplished it at my pace.

New Addition To My Blog: Favorite Moments

2008-09-24T14:16:00.000-07:00

Taking a cue from Jules over at Pancakes & French Fries, I am going to start posting hopefully as often as they occur or at least once a week, my favorite moments of the day/week. So far I have a "Favorite Moments" from the weekend and the beginning of the week.
First and foremost, we got a new couch! YEAH! It's about time. Ikea had a 3 day sale going on and we picked up this spiffy little brown leather couch for $300. We definitely could have put that money to what some would term "better use" but honestly if you could see our old couch, you'd realize why we wanted and needed a new one. Not to mention, with new baby coming, our old couch was not too comfortable nor suitable for feeding and sitting with said baby, so there. Next, Stella is loving school, but told us lastnight that a boy in her class kissed her while they were in line going into gym class. I was quite surprised, and thought it was sort of cute. Apparently he kissed her on the arm, but you could tell she was embarassed. Lastnight she also made an attempt to ride a 2 wheel bike. Matt took the training wheels off quite a while ago, but she just decided to get brave in the last couple of days. Go Stella! And, finally, in the mail we got a little letter from Matt's school stating that because he was almost done with his degree, that he should meet with a counselor to do his senior audit. YEAH! Thank the lord. Once he's done, hopefully he'll find an amazing job and really take over most of the monetary responsibilities. I mean, I'm all for women's lib, but after over 3 years of working quite literally every day all hours of the day, I'm looking forward to a break in the next year or so. I love you Matt, you're my hero!:)

Slightly Bigger Belly.

2008-09-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

Since I'm just over 24 weeks, I thought I should post a belly picture. It's funny how much bigger you think you are than when you actually see a picture. I feel like a house, while now I don't see that.

I Already Embarass Her.

2008-09-14T13:40:00.001-07:00

Sitting at the kitchen table as it pours rain, discussing going to school tomorrow. You know, feeling out the situation trying to headoff a morning of weepiness. She says to me "why do you have to stay with me at school mom?" I said, "well, tomorrow I don't. I'll be dropping you off at your room, giving you a kiss goodbye and then picking you up when school is over." She says then, "mom, can we kiss outside? I don't want the big kids seeing me kiss my Mommy!" I was stunned, and said "ok then can we at least do our secret handshake?" To this she agreed. Kids....

Is It Halloween Already?

2008-09-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

Well, if you've hit ANY store in the last week, yes, yes it is Halloween. Last night we hit Walmart and I discovered the coolest thing. I know they've probably been around every Halloween for the last millenia, but I've NEVER bought them myself. Here they are, 1 dozen black long stem faux roses. I want to have them sitting in this wine bottle, but I want to decorate the bottle for Halloween with some very cool Halloween papers I've got. Other than just doing decoupage, anyone have any suggestions as to what would look cool? Ribbons, whatever? I'm sort of at a creative loss. Thanks for all input.