Can I Use Your Toilet?

What a difference a week makes right? 

A new job that I love. GMAC has approved us for a partial loan modification, hopefully in the end, an entire modification. So far, $50 less per month. Funny how in these times negotiating your mortgage is like getting an interest rate lowered on a credit card. They lowered the rate by 2% on the one so far. 

There was promise for Matt with a job interview on the horizon, but he received an email from the employer asking when he could meet but was informed that it would only be part time. That's just crap. People are so afraid to hire someone full time, it's insane, how do companies think people can live on part time money? Then, Matt is supposed to call in for his unemployment on Wednesday's 

at 1pm, well he forgot. So he couldn't call until the next morning. I paid the insurance bill and of course, what happens, the unemployment check DOES NOT go in the bank this morning. So, we had to put a stop on the check. Then, my check doesn't go in the bank because I'm not "in the system" yet. WTF? Then, I get home from work and what should I find? Water filling up the street in front of 

my house. A WATER MAIN BREAK!!! And, now they have cut down our tree and still digging in the front yard and no one is allowed to poopie.

 Thank God Stella is spending the night at grandma and grandpa's. But, I'm still feeling positive. Things are looking up and I can see that, plus, with this little face smiling at me when I least expect it, I can't help but be comforted, right?

We Have Movement.

*Ah, may have been more of a bowel movement because something smells a lot like bull@&%t!

Don't know how monumental this is, but GMAC is working with us. We'll see. Matt said they told him that this month they decided that they won't wait until your behind to help you out. GREAT!!!! We always miss the boat on things. But, they want a list of all our monies that go out. It's funny, we were calculating everything and our list comes to 16 items that we spend money on including car payments, insurance, energy costs, phone, tv, internet, 3 credit cards all told just over $1000, groceries, gas, baby needs, 2 very small loans and the IRS. When we were first married we would have had to add to that at least 10 more credit cards. So sad we were. We've cleaned up our act, we've cut spending on all things, heck we didn't even formally shop for groceries as a way to cut costs this week. We aren't bad people, we just made a bad decision and now we are trying to get help. Is that so wrong? Now at least I have an ounce of hope, Matt however only has half an ounce. :)

This Little Light of Mine.

I'm trying to let it shine. 

Things are not good at the moment.

I don't know how to go about recharging my battery or if I would be able to run better on some other form of energy. It doesn't seem to matter what I do in all aspects of life, it is never the right thing and it doesn't work the way I hope it will. I had hoped by this point in my life I'd be where I wanted to be, the way it is now is not how I imagined it. This sucks. 

A Conversation We Had This Morning.

Stella: "Mom, do you know that Patrick likes to say Fish Paste?"

Me: "Oh really, yeah, I guess I can remember hearing him say that."

Stella: "Yeah, and I think Sponge Bob likes to say Jesus Christ."

Me: "STELLA, don't say that again and by the way, I think it's Momma who likes to say that, but that's a big people word, you're not allowed to say it."

Stella: "OK momma."

Rough Day Today.

*UPDATE: Mission accomplished, not a repulsive mess any longer and still not as cleavagy as Pink. :)

Today started out good, but quite quickly regressed. Someone who shall remain nameless came over today to "cut" and I use that term loosely my hair. Needless to say, once this person left I began to try my attempt at fixing it. Matt suggested not fussing too much with it so that I didn't push it beyond being repairable. So needless to say, this is what I feel like I look like. Yes, not exactly like this, a little longer, but that's how it makes me feel. Then we decided to bring the babies dresser into the house from the garage only to realize that it was a complete and total piece of junk. A neighbor down the street gave it to us and acted like it was this great piece of "old" furniture but it ended up mostly being made of literally cardboard and particle board. It just brought me to tears in the end. With having to deal with Matt being laid off for all of December, the prospect of my hours dwindling greatly lately and losing our health insurance by January 1st, this day just sent me over the edge. I just want to scream AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

But, first thing tomorrow morning I plan on getting a cut that fixes the hackcut I received today. Stupid me for not looking deeper into the background of said person and trying to get something for nothing. Lesson learned. Here's what I'm going to hopefully get tomorrow. 

Wish me luck!

I Am Heartbroken.

Today I heard something that made me so sad and it even made me cry. We picked Stella up from school this afternoon as we always do and she was telling us about her day. She cut out a stop sign and an arrow for her Stop, Drop and Roll mobil, apparently learning about fire saftey. Then she proceeds to tell us that at snack time a little boy sitting next to her told her she was fat. Her response was that of utter surprise and she stated, "I'm Not Fat!"

Inside I crumpled like a brittle leaf. All my worst fears leapt to the front of my brain and my throat clenched. My little baby may be slightly fluffy, but she certainly is not FAT!!! Damnit! These are my issues, not hers, why does she have to have those words uttered to her? She is beautiful and in my opinion, the cutest girl in her class, this little boy must obviously come from a family where it is acceptable to criticize even the youngest of people for various things. 

Matt's response to her was to tell the little boy, "well, at least my parents are literate, and married!" I half laughed, but inside I was hurt beyond recognition. As I got out the car after the 45 second car ride, I could hold back the tears no longer, even as I type this, I still have tears in my eyes. I called my mom, a teacher at the same school and she advised me to write a letter and that is what I intended to do anyway.

You see, in my preschool class, I was voted most sympathetic, and this is something that has stuck with me ever since, almost like a handicap, so far, Stella doesn't have this gene. God, I am so hurt by that, but luckily, she's a smart little girl, and not yet nearly as sensitive as I am or was. I love her so much.

Starting Over Is Never Easy.

Sadly, In so many words, I screwed up my blog and because I'm not technically minded, I DON'T know how to fix it. You know how in the movie Zoolander Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson get into disguises to get files out of a computer, but all they end up doing is beating on the computer because they think the files are located literally "inside" the computer. Matt laughs at me all the time about that because he says that when I have a problem with my computer, that's how I act. Nice. So, here's to another, better blog. Really, I think it suits me more, it was hard not to complain, even just a little bit sometimes. But, in this one, I'm going to put my best foot forward and try to showcase some of my own creativity, not always just somebody elses. I will however, showcase things of others that TRULY inspire me every day. So, here's to no more dumb ass maneuvers on my part with this blog and here's to a new life on the internet.