I Wear My Heart on My Sleeve.

If you already know me, you know that I am an emotional person. Just like everyone else, I feel sad, angry, happy, blah, etc. I however, maybe like some of you out there, let it rule me from time to time. I may be different from you, but since I can remember, this has shaped who I have become. I mean, in preschool I was voted most sympathetic. And, for me, my sympathy comes with a small price. If I've given you some sympathy, all I ask in return is that from time to time you let me be me around you. I won't apologize for being who I am, but if you don't like it, maybe you should reconsider the relationship we have. I would not ask you to stifle yourself and stop doing something that comes naturally to you, even if it rubbed me the wrong way. I would accept that it is just a part of your personality and leave it at that. I guess what I've learned is there are people who are in it with you 100% and others who are only maybe 75-90% and that's ok but don't make me feel less than.

Besides that, I like people who show their emotions, it lets me know that you are real and true. And it lets me know what things effect you in both positive and negative ways. Is that so wrong?

Coming Out of The Fog.

I'm feeling better today and that's surprising for a rainy Monday. Here is my short list of reasons to be happy today:
1. A tough client phoned me yesterday to say that the job we have been working on for about 2 months is done and he is approving the proofs to be printed!! (My lord, this is the one project that I just feel like I gave birth too, sans epidural.)
2. I applied to a part time teaching position at a local community college and I hope they call me, I would love the chance to see what it's like to teach college before I actually go out to get my Masters. Fingers and all bits (as Jenn would say) are crossed.
3. My birthday is Saturday!!
4. I updated my portfolio for the first time since March!!
5. We had to rearrange our kitchen due to some water/heat damage, not too bad, probably wouldn't even notice it if I didn't point it out to you, but I noticed it. I know you shouldn't typically be happy about home repairs, but I love a project and look at it as the how little can I spend on this kitchen challenge??

Explanations:
1. This client is a friend and while it's been stressful for both of us, he is happy, I am happy and he and his wife want to do dinner with Matt and I as a way of acknowledging that this project is finally finished. Amen.
2. Even though I only have my Bachelors degree, I am allowed to teach a college level course in graphic design because it is a technical skill. The position pays quite well, so it would really benefit us in more ways than one. Maybe it could even tie itself into completing task #5 (kitchen problem) too.
3. Don't you just love birthdays? Even though we most likely won't be able to do anything fancy, it's still my day.
4. I desperately needed to rejuvenate my portfolio lastnight for this morning just in case the people from the College I applied to even consider looking into giving me a shot. Wish me luck.
5. OK, who puts Pergo flooring in a place where both heat and water are a given??? Anyway, our thoughts are that while the rest of the house is hardwood anyway, the ugly Pergo like flooring looked stupid butted up against the other flooring. So, we think we're going to go with a black and white checkerboard pattern!! Yeah, great idea Matt! And, then we'll probably paint, not sure what colors yet and then maybe even make curtains and paint our kitchen table chairs, they so don't match now. We had to store our old larger table because we had to move the fridge into the area where our table is. I feel so ghetto now! Oh well, gotta do whatch gotta do.
Keep on keepin' on!

Past 10 Days In Review.

A. Stella is sick.

B. We're waiting for Cohen to get it.

C. Dealing with a difficult woman at the new job.

D. Cohen slept 8 hours straight one day last week.

E. GMAC is working with us at the moment to the tune of saving $400.

F. Scored a new client from Vegas.

G. Starting to say what I mean and sticking to it.

H. Tired of struggle.

I. Want what I deserve.

J. Proud of my portfolio.

K. Can't wait to show off my new business cards I designed. (*Later)

L. Hoping Matt finds an amazing job when he's done with school in May.

M. So happy to call Barack Obama my president!

N. Trying to get enough sleep these days.

O. Guess that's about it. 

Can I Use Your Toilet?

What a difference a week makes right? 

A new job that I love. GMAC has approved us for a partial loan modification, hopefully in the end, an entire modification. So far, $50 less per month. Funny how in these times negotiating your mortgage is like getting an interest rate lowered on a credit card. They lowered the rate by 2% on the one so far. 

There was promise for Matt with a job interview on the horizon, but he received an email from the employer asking when he could meet but was informed that it would only be part time. That's just crap. People are so afraid to hire someone full time, it's insane, how do companies think people can live on part time money? Then, Matt is supposed to call in for his unemployment on Wednesday's 

at 1pm, well he forgot. So he couldn't call until the next morning. I paid the insurance bill and of course, what happens, the unemployment check DOES NOT go in the bank this morning. So, we had to put a stop on the check. Then, my check doesn't go in the bank because I'm not "in the system" yet. WTF? Then, I get home from work and what should I find? Water filling up the street in front of 

my house. A WATER MAIN BREAK!!! And, now they have cut down our tree and still digging in the front yard and no one is allowed to poopie.

 Thank God Stella is spending the night at grandma and grandpa's. But, I'm still feeling positive. Things are looking up and I can see that, plus, with this little face smiling at me when I least expect it, I can't help but be comforted, right?

I've Started My Etsy Shop!

In my small attempt to make extra cashola I have started an Etsy shop here. I am starting out with Etsy banners so far, but hope to drum up business creating logos and avatars. Hell, I'll do anything you need and it won't break your bank. Please check me out and if anyone needs something digital, please don't hesitate to ask me.

Thanks to everyone who has been silently supporting me. All your words of encouragement mean so much. :)

We Have Movement.

*Ah, may have been more of a bowel movement because something smells a lot like bull@&%t!

Don't know how monumental this is, but GMAC is working with us. We'll see. Matt said they told him that this month they decided that they won't wait until your behind to help you out. GREAT!!!! We always miss the boat on things. But, they want a list of all our monies that go out. It's funny, we were calculating everything and our list comes to 16 items that we spend money on including car payments, insurance, energy costs, phone, tv, internet, 3 credit cards all told just over $1000, groceries, gas, baby needs, 2 very small loans and the IRS. When we were first married we would have had to add to that at least 10 more credit cards. So sad we were. We've cleaned up our act, we've cut spending on all things, heck we didn't even formally shop for groceries as a way to cut costs this week. We aren't bad people, we just made a bad decision and now we are trying to get help. Is that so wrong? Now at least I have an ounce of hope, Matt however only has half an ounce. :)

First Time In 4 Years.

I have been taunted the last day or two by my Yahoo "In Box." How is this possible you say?? Last night and this morning I received not one but 2 emails encouraging me "not to miss out" on seeing my very favorite musician in the entire universe perform live in Ann Arbor. I first discovered Ben Folds about 15 years ago I think just matter-of-factly listening to the radio with my friend. I instantly loved his style, mediocre voice and what he had to say. It spoke to me at a time when I felt no one knew who I was. It felt good to be able to align myself with someone, something tha I understood, even if only in small part. So, I even married someone miraculously whom resembled this person at least to me, not on purpose, but by sheer chance and fate. Funny how that works out. 

Anyway, we've both been to his shows I think 3 years in a row or so, I even won tickets one year, while working at my bosses house sitting on the commode, "can't believe I just typed that." But, I thought it was the coolest thing. He puts on an amazing show and if you are the least bit interested in his music, you should attend at least one show, it won't be your last. Sadly this year, I cannot justify the cost of the ticket, even though it is only $30.50 per ticket, a very small price to pay for such entertainment. And, really, I can't unload my children on my parents with Cohen only being not quite 7 weeks at that point. Even a doting grandparent would probably say "NO" to that request.

I guess what I'm saying is that this year there will at least be 2 extra seats left available to 2 lucky newbies to discover the true joy of Ben Folds experience. Have a great time, I'll be dieing of jealousy.

Just A Funny.

Matt sent this picture to me, just made us laugh. Reminds us of Stella.

Become A Dirt Ass, Get Rewarded For It!!!

*Alright, I am desperate. I know there are experts out there among you. Where can I go that I won't lose my house just to get my children seen or at the very least where can I take my newborn to get all the shots and checkups he needs? I am in a panic. We DO NOT qualify for any type of state funding, I make TOO MUCH money, however, at the moment, I can barely afford all my regular bills. Depending on when Cohen comes out, I will only have a day or so to get him to the doctor that I love, but will not be able to afford once I do not have insurance as a wellness visit would cost me $147 and a sick visit would cost me $87. What is wrong with this world where you are continually rewarded for leaching off the government. It's like if you are in the middle you are just f&%$ed! 

So, as you know, Matt was laid off the day before Thanksgiving and we'll be losing our health insurance as of January 1st. I was told by many people that my children at least would qualify for MI Child and potentially WIC. Well, I have absolutely no interest in applying for WIC, not a road I'd be willing to go down. But, for as far as health insurance goes, that is a necessary evil. Today I thought to myself, "gosh, I should really get that moving before Stella gets sick again and Cohen comes." So, I applied online. Well, guess what. We don't qualify because I make too much money. Gee Whiz, I knew that we were ROLLIN' IN THE DOUGH, but I didn't think that was any indication of whether or not my children would or would not qualify for the god given right to be raised healthfully? This is total BS if you ask me, and you should because I indeed have an opinion on the subject as you may have guessed by my post title. You see, in the eyes of the great state of Michigan, if you make anything above about $10/hour, you DO NOT qualify for a state funded program. Basically, we are being penalized for being 1. Educated, 2. Having Above Poverty Level Pay, 3. and basically Not Being Dirt Asses who always strive to be better, more productive citizens. Well, I for one am looking to purchase 4 tickets on the next train the hell out of this country and into Canada, maybe even France. Michigan and it's rediculous policies can kiss my you know what!!!!!

Do You Put Yourself Out There Too Much?

I do! How do you stop that behavior? At the moment, it can't be helped, but do you do it at the expense of your family and loved ones? I do! It's a pattern of mine that I'd like to end today! Why you may ask? Because it never seems to be reciprocated and it only seems to hurt the ones I love. Sorry, I'm just feeling low at the moment, I'll get over it.

One Last Picture.

Feeling really good today, and hoping sort of that it doesn't mean this is the calm before the storm. Or, maybe I do, I don't know. I decided I should probably take one last photo of the big ole belly before I give birth. We took Stella to see the lights at Hines Drive and needless to say, I was not impressed this year. Maybe it's the economy or maybe companies are bahumbugging it this year, but there wasn't nearly as much set up this year as the last. Hmmmm, not sure why it should cost $5 either. Oh well, not trying to be cheap, but if things aren't as good as last year, shouldn't the cost go down maybe? Well, feeling the pressure to remove old photos from Stella's scrapbooks as they are already falling apart and I'm going all digital. I can't help it, it kills me to see those stupid books already falling apart. I'm going with www.blurb.com for a large hard cover bound book. The cost isn't that bad when you consider what you'd spend on all the scrapbook paper products. You should check them out, they are so worth a looksee. Until next time.

My Zazzle Shop Items.

Just wanted to show you the items I have in my shop. I am sort of excited about them and who knows, maybe we can make a buck or two. Thanks for looking and remember, here is my shop.

This Is Not Meant To Offend

I don't think that this should offend anyone, but the only reason it's going here on my blog is because I want to protect my intellectual property rights and I've been advised that publishing it to the internet is as good as it gets. You all know that Matt was laid off the day before Thanksgiving right? Well and that because of all this bullshit, we are losing our insurance January 1st right? Forcing us to have Cohen early in order to avoid a rather large bill from Botsford General right? So, the other day at my OB appointment, I was chatting with Matt while half naked waiting for the doctor to come in and "survey the area." Well, we were talking about out of work auto workers and it dawned on me. I could change the UAW - United Auto Workers logo to the UOW United Outta Workers. And, I only felt justified in doing this because I had been personally affected by it. So, case closed for me, but I still hope not to have offended anyone. 

However, if you know of anyone that might be interested in a t-shirt with said logo on it, please visit my Zazzle shop here to purchase something. It could only add to our dwindling income.

Too Too Busy.

It's been a whirlwind since well, the day before Thanksgiving. Yeah, Matt is out of work, but thankfully with all the OT he had put in through the last year or so, his unemployment is about $10 more per week than an average dues removed payweek. Yippee! Sadly though, it won't last forever. At least we weren't used to him making amazing money and it's not an adjustment, until it runs out of course. But, he'll be done with school in another semester or so and we have our fingers crossed.

Well, I am out of PC world and loving every minute of it. My brand new laptop arrived vis FedEx the Monday after Thanksgiving and here she is. 

I am indeed in love! I was even able to work at Panera this very afternoon after dropping Stella off at school. True bliss I say. We also got jolly the Saturday after Thanksgiving and Stella and I decorated our beloved pink tinsel tree. Matt pretty much hates it and says he needs to hand over a man card for every years it exists, but I enjoy it, it's something I've always wanted and finally, when we bought our house 2 years ago, I went ahead and just bought one on Ebay. Love it.

And, subsequently after Thanksgiving Stella was sick and not just a little, try double ear infections. And, on top of that, after getting her a free antibiotic from Meijer, we found out through some not so lovely hives that she is in fact allergic to anything with cillin in it so we went from free to a $40 antibiotic. YEAH! What next? No, I probably shouldn't ask that huh?

I have a question of all ya'll who may read or lurk on my little boring blog, can a pregnant woman tell if her baby is breech by how the baby moves and feels from the outside of the belly? I have a strange feeling and inclination that he is either diagonal or facing the wrong direction or something. There is an obvious side that he moves on and one side of my stomach sticks out further than the other and on occasion one side is downright more uncomfortable than the other. Am I just being weird? Please advise.

Secret Lair.

OK, so I'm coming to you from a remote location and have to be sure to dress warmly and type quickly. Actually, I'm located for the moment in our basement on Matt's PC. You see, for the past week or so, my computer has been acting strangely, just shutting off suddenly all on its own. We thought that maybe because of its proximety to our heating vent that it was in fact overheating, but since we moved it accross the room, it seemed to stop doing that. UNTIL, the other day. It must have shut itself off about 5-6 times before I finally realized, WOW, we really need to do something about this. I begrudgingly called my mother to see if she couldn't help us out and thankfully, since she's the best mom in the world an my rock, she obliged. I ordered a brand spankin' new macbook pro on Wednesday night. Thank god I did, as after that, it progressivley got worse and worse until finally I'd saved and transferred all that I could and the poor guy just conked right out. He'll be missed. He was my trusty steed for almost 3 years and because he was a refurb, who knows how long the previous owner had him. But, now with new baby quickly on the way, this little baby will make my life that much more portable and easier. Hopefully though, he will arrive much sooner than Cohen, I don't know how long I can last in PC world.
:P

A Shocking Response.

Had another baby doc appointment and all is well. Baby Cohen is measuring 33 weeks already. Last time he was only measuring 29 weeks. Growing fast. I asked Stella tonight if she had any concerns about the baby coming and suddenly things got dark. She looks at me like she going to cry and says "I'm worried that Cohen will be dead in your tummy." All I could do was say "Oh baby, NO, he's fine, he's moving all the time, don't even worry about that." I thought she would say something more along the lines of "I'm afraid you won't love me as much as the baby" etc. 

Then she told Matt and it made him upset a little, apparently something he NEVER wants to hear again. Wow! Sometimes I am so shocked by what comes out of her little brain.

New Pregnancy Symptom!

OK, aside from eating anything and everything I see these days, I've developed yet another pregnancy symptom that I didn't have with Miss Stella. I started getting achy pain that felt like I had a bruise forming on my right wrist. Upon looking up this symptom in relation to pregnancy, I discovered that I more than likely have pregnancy related carpal tunnel. OMG! I cannot handle one more new thing to pop up. Oh, well, being that I am nearly 33 weeks, it could just be about a month from now that little Cohen arrives. Oh god, I'm scaring myself now.

PS: I should be receiving my prize from Candace Ang and I am breathless with anticipation.

It's Time For Things To Change.

Had a rough day yesterday, between managing the everyday and trying to mix in a doctor appointment for me that took WAY longer than it needed to and trying to feel like I'm a good mother, I was pushed to my limit by the time Matt got home from school at 10pm. I unloaded to him and luckily for him, he just sat there, listened, and sympathized. YES, after all this time, he knows what I am looking for when I do that, not spending the whole time interrupting me offering "suggestions." I actually felt a little better after talking this time. However, I stayed up till 2am and felt sick to my stomach when I woke up at 8am. I really need to stop doing that, but I feel so much pressure to produce lately. The doctor told me that my issues with stress and anger are most likely the result of severe sleep deprivation, and I would have to tend to agree, but everything else as far as the new babe goes is perfection. Aside from new symptoms now of sciatic pain and what could be the start of vericose vains (OH YEAH!). This is my life. 

But, there is something new and potentially positive on the horizon, only time will tell, but I can't wait to get started, it could only make things a bit easier in the long run.

I'm A Winner!!

But, you all knew that. JK. I commented on a blog called The Blah, Blah, Blahg. I just commented and told them my favorite color and voila, I am a winner. I don't know exactly what I've won, but I do know it's a Candace Ang original. Could be jewelry, other than that, I'm not sure exactly what she designs, as soon as I know, you will! You should check out he Blah Blah Blahg, she does giveaways all the time and I NEVER win things, but this time I was lucky. Wahoooo!!!

I Already Embarass Her.

Sitting at the kitchen table as it pours rain, discussing going to school tomorrow. You know, feeling out the situation trying to headoff a morning of weepiness. She says to me "why do you have to stay with me at school mom?" I said, "well, tomorrow I don't. I'll be dropping you off at your room, giving you a kiss goodbye and then picking you up when school is over." She says then, "mom, can we kiss outside? I don't want the big kids seeing me kiss my Mommy!" I was stunned, and said "ok then can we at least do our secret handshake?" To this she agreed. Kids....