A Great Weekend.

Well, things are turning around for me, and fast. Still not ready to share yet, but soon enough ya'll will hear about it non stop I'm sure. Thanks Tristan!:) First off, here is a 30 almost 31 weeks pic of me.

Can't tell till I line up the photos how much bigger I look but from how I'm feeling lately, it's definite that I am substantially bigger now. I'm not getting as much sleep as I'd like right now because of me and working and stuff, but to be honest, my back hurts more when I sleep than when I don't and it seems to take me forever to get to sleep now, which is a total change from before pregnancy. Also, we were dealing with the little Miss and her cold in which she basically kicked Matt out of our bed Friday night forcing him to sleep in her bed and she finally settled down around about 2-2:30am. So, life lately, not conducive to good sleeping habits and old habits die hard as well. 

Saturday was just a really good day in general, new things on the horizon, a visit to a neighborhood haunted house all decked out that Stella absolutely loved. She actually told me she would pick Halloween over Christmas, that's a pretty big deal. On top of all that, I got this WAY cool bag from Scrappin' and Stampin' that I'm gonna use as a baby bag. 

I only had to buy $20 worth of Little Yellow Bicycle products to get it for free and that wasn't difficult for me. I am psyched.

I'm also in process with a treat box I'm creating for Stella's Halloween party at school, then I'll be making purple and orange rice krispy treats that will go in the box.  Today Matt and Stella carved pumpkins, pictures to follow and I am doing something a little different to mine because honestly it's rotting we're pretty sure and we won't be carving into that bad boy. I still need to get pics of the few little layouts I did last weekend at my crop, so hopefully in the next couple days I'll be posting all about Halloween and what we've got going.

It's Time For Things To Change.

Had a rough day yesterday, between managing the everyday and trying to mix in a doctor appointment for me that took WAY longer than it needed to and trying to feel like I'm a good mother, I was pushed to my limit by the time Matt got home from school at 10pm. I unloaded to him and luckily for him, he just sat there, listened, and sympathized. YES, after all this time, he knows what I am looking for when I do that, not spending the whole time interrupting me offering "suggestions." I actually felt a little better after talking this time. However, I stayed up till 2am and felt sick to my stomach when I woke up at 8am. I really need to stop doing that, but I feel so much pressure to produce lately. The doctor told me that my issues with stress and anger are most likely the result of severe sleep deprivation, and I would have to tend to agree, but everything else as far as the new babe goes is perfection. Aside from new symptoms now of sciatic pain and what could be the start of vericose vains (OH YEAH!). This is my life. 

But, there is something new and potentially positive on the horizon, only time will tell, but I can't wait to get started, it could only make things a bit easier in the long run.

The Feeling of Unraveling.

This was not the best weekend for me. Rather than delve into all the dirty details, I'll just say that what I'm left with today is the feeling the my life and myself are slowly unraveling. It mostly involves my immediate family and really, life long underlying issues that I've had to deal with there. My assertion that someone I love may be dealing with possible mental illness and the lack of support by said person to someone who so desperately needs support from all of us. Since we were kids, my brothers and I have had a somewhat rocky relationship, but I always felt like we could be open with each other, get angry, but then get over it and move along. Not so apparently, at least for them. Matt always tells me that I am full of holes that allow people to reach in and poke at me, and that I force myself to deal with toxicity at all times because of that. I agree, I wear my heart on my sleeve, but it's ME, take it or leave it, I won't be changing any time soon. All I can do is choose where and when to express my opinions and protect myself.

While in preschool, I was voted most sympathetic, and that hasn't changed. I feel what others are feeling, I can fully engross myself in someone else's emotions and take on their burdens along with my own, especially with those in my immediate circle. And, believe you me, it IS exhausting, I was emotionally spent yesterday as I weeped with my mother over the issues at hand. And, when a brother arrived, I begged him not to get things going while I was there, it would have just sent me over the edge with nausea. He understands, he didn't want to involve anyone else but my mother and father, hopefully that went well. 

Oofff, I'm still trying to come down from this weekend. On the upside, I did get to scrapbook for almost 12 hours on Saturday at an event up the road from my house. I didn't get as much done as I would have hoped, but I work slowly, painstakingly to give birth to each and everything I create, so it's fine with me. Thanks ladies for a fun weekend.  When I have time, I will post pics of what I did accomplish.

I'm A Winner!!

But, you all knew that. JK. I commented on a blog called The Blah, Blah, Blahg. I just commented and told them my favorite color and voila, I am a winner. I don't know exactly what I've won, but I do know it's a Candace Ang original. Could be jewelry, other than that, I'm not sure exactly what she designs, as soon as I know, you will! You should check out he Blah Blah Blahg, she does giveaways all the time and I NEVER win things, but this time I was lucky. Wahoooo!!!

What's Wrong With Me!

Am I having a hormone surge that I'm not fully aware of? Am I just a stick in the mud? I am just feeling down the last couple of days. Not like depressed, but just not yeah happy like I think I should be. I mean, I could use for the heavens to raineth money down upon us, but we're ok. I think it's because I keep waiting for this stupid reimbursement check to come in and every day it doesn't, I get irritated. But, it's not all about money. Things have just felt sort of rutty lately. Went to the doctor today and knew I probably gained some weight because I'd been eating like a little pregnant piggy and to my shock, I gained over 7 pounds. Wow! For me, that feels like a lot in 2 weeks. Maybe I should try NOT eating 6 meals a day.

In other news, we watched Oprah the other day and have decided to unplug all pluggable items when they are not in use so as to lower of some times excessive energy bill. The last one was for $160 or so, we're going to try to see how low we can go with unplugging as much as we can handle, you know tv, lamps, alarm clocks, radios, stove, furnace/air (just turned off) and turning off lights until we need them. It should be interesting if I can just get Stella to turn her bedroom light off when she leaves her room. So far, so good. I'll let you know what the verdict is.

I Am Heartbroken.

Today I heard something that made me so sad and it even made me cry. We picked Stella up from school this afternoon as we always do and she was telling us about her day. She cut out a stop sign and an arrow for her Stop, Drop and Roll mobil, apparently learning about fire saftey. Then she proceeds to tell us that at snack time a little boy sitting next to her told her she was fat. Her response was that of utter surprise and she stated, "I'm Not Fat!"

Inside I crumpled like a brittle leaf. All my worst fears leapt to the front of my brain and my throat clenched. My little baby may be slightly fluffy, but she certainly is not FAT!!! Damnit! These are my issues, not hers, why does she have to have those words uttered to her? She is beautiful and in my opinion, the cutest girl in her class, this little boy must obviously come from a family where it is acceptable to criticize even the youngest of people for various things. 

Matt's response to her was to tell the little boy, "well, at least my parents are literate, and married!" I half laughed, but inside I was hurt beyond recognition. As I got out the car after the 45 second car ride, I could hold back the tears no longer, even as I type this, I still have tears in my eyes. I called my mom, a teacher at the same school and she advised me to write a letter and that is what I intended to do anyway.

You see, in my preschool class, I was voted most sympathetic, and this is something that has stuck with me ever since, almost like a handicap, so far, Stella doesn't have this gene. God, I am so hurt by that, but luckily, she's a smart little girl, and not yet nearly as sensitive as I am or was. I love her so much.

A Bragging Rights Post.

Today is all about bragging. Well, not boastful bragging, oh well, maybe just a little. First, here is my latest belly shot, 27 weeks today. Wow, I wasn't freaked out until yesterday when I received in the mail a nice little pamphlet titled "New Beginnings Maternity Center at Botsford Hospital" which contains pages upon pages of info dedicated to my delivery day. Yes, it is inevitable, but up until now, I was under the impression that I wasn't afraid of labor this time around. Ha! Suppose I even fooled myself. Alas, here is my latest photo. Oh yeah, here comes the bragging part. Last week at the doctors office, I had to ask them how much weight I've gained, because I honestly hadn't been keeping track. And, guess what, I've only gained 3.25 pounds. Now, it's not as good as when I had Stella, where I only gained 2.5 pounds up until the weekend before I actually gave birth to her, the weekend I put on 12 pounds of water weight and delivered her 5 days later. But, I wasn't sure how my body would behave this time around, I WAS SCARED! There is just something about my body's chemistry while I'm pregnant, however, when not pregnant, it's a toss up. While it may not be appearing on the scale, I indeed am feeling blimpalicious, and this picture proves it.

Today we had a visit from Stella's teacher, part of this preschool programs requirements, a home visit once in the beginning of the year and once at the end. I was a little nervous, as I know that we all know our own children's short comings, but it's still hard to hear them out loud, not discussed in hushed voices with your spouse while said child is in an adjacent room. But, luckily she is doing just fine. She's not ready for the talented and gifted program, but I have learned that I have a very sweet and very tolerant little girl on my hands. Yesterday she came home telling us about a little girl that kept following her around telling her that she wanted to be her friend. Stella told us though in no uncertain terms that she DID NOT want to be this girls friend, but she played with her anyway. I told her that she didn't have to be best friends with everyone, but that she DID however need to be nice and she assured us that she would be. I do know that child she is talking about and I am guilty of harboring the same feelings about her becoming friends with this little girl, but my feelings com from a more shallow and even a little bit of a concerned place. You see, this little girl cries every day before going home because she does not want to go home, and that makes me wonder just what the heck is going on at home. I will never let Stella set foot in that little girls home, I wouldn't want her to be subjected to anything that may or may not be going on there. But, that may be fodder for stories for another day. 

Finally, I decided just what I wanted to do with that wine bottle that I had holding my fake dozen black roses. I decided at about 10pm last night that I didn't want fake black roses just sitting in a wine bottle in my house when Stella's teacher came by to visit so here is what I did with it.

In the close up view I tried to show where I used white ribbon to create a mummy like feeling to wrap the portion of the bottle that was difficult to wrap with paper, I think that I was successful. At least it was creative and as usual, I accomplished it at my pace.