Moving Day.

I've moved my blog!

It's all about design and crappy photography!

http://hellodesignerd.wordpress.com/

Feeling Negative.

OK, today, not such a good day.
A very young girl that worked in the same building as I do here at the college was killed on Saturday night by a drunk driver. It's devastating to hear about this any time, but to know that person and have had conversations with this person is another thing all together.

Now, I have to figure out what job I'll have in the coming days once school starts back up and it's looking like I'll be staying at the college because my other job is completely clueless/careless as to what a service I single handedly provide to them and their 25 stores!

I do have good things to report from our summer and a new venture on the way as I turn 33 on the 22nd.
More updates later and hopefully some happiness to report as well.
<3

I'm A Little Heated At The Moment.

This will be brief, but I had to get it out and vent a moment and I'd like some feedback from any of you PLEASE as to if I am out of line.

So, last week I designed a party invite for a friend of mines sons birthday and it was pretty time intensive, I'm thinking like 8-10 hours of work and I have done other work for this person in the past unpaid, but did receive a thank you gift. This time however she came over to the house to order them, went on about how money is tight and then sort of half offered me $20 for my time. I said no of course and she says, "are you sure?" I said "I'm sure."

I told Matt what happened and he said I should have taken it, but I understand money being tight so it was ok. Well, yesterday I found out that her husband just bought a new iPhone! Now, I LOVE this friend dearly, but when you compare our two lifestyles, they are drastically different and she knows it.

I am a little peeved about this, but will just be letting it go, I would never want her to know that it made me feel bad. So, am I wrong?

Going to my first "doctor" appointment tonight and I'm kind nervous and don't know where to start. This should prove interesting.

Something About The Acorn and The Tree??

Had a good laugh on myself yesterday while shoe shopping with Stella, so much so that I had to call my mom while it was happening. In my earlier, less economically insufficient life I loved me some shoes and not expensive shoes, but shoes all the same. Maybe not quite at Stella's age, but not much older I would throw fits about getting what I wanted and quite often I would win, much to my mothers frustration. I can understand, it was much easier to just give in then to contend with me for more than ten rounds, I was R-E-L-E-N-T-L-E-S-S. So, while browsing in the shoe aisle she finally found a pair she had to have and the cost was only $12.99 and she had something like $60 of birthday money, so I said of course you can get them, until we arrived in the toy aisle. She saw the $45 Barbie laptop and the shoes, well let's just say, she couldn't ever remember wanting shoes in the first place. She paid with her money, proud to receive some change back and we were on our way, shoes long forgotten.

UNTIL this morning, after having been allowed to stay up WAY too late, we're talking midnight because we had a bonfire and other children were there, so how could we put her to bed. We know our children and some may think that putting her to bed early, 8-8:30 that we're mean, but we know that she is a major ass pain if we don't. Today, no different than times in the past she performed true to form, even negotiating a trip back to Kmart this time with dad, only to discover that we were NOT going to get her the shoes and what she could afford with her remaining $5-6 dollars was not what she wanted. Which I think is great, she didn't give in to the impulse of just getting "something" to fill that void and I'm proud of her for that.

After coming home she was informed that due to whining and such, she needed to relax in her room with a movie which didn't last long and now after many tear-filled shenanigans has ended up grounded and mad and able to get to the heart of my insecurities all in one foul swoop.

She's an amazing kid, but alas she is still a girl and prone to emotionality. I remember it well so I try to remain calm, Matt on the other hand can't wrap his brain around it, especially on less than 4 hours of sleep. So, my gift to him this Father's Day, a 2 hour nap followed by a delicious dinner and finally a child going to bed at 6 and one who is already in her room because she's grounded. Sounds pleasant to me.

Have a great Father's Day today, no matter how it plays out for you! :)

What if Life Were Really Like One of Those Pick Your Own Path Books?

I'm all about the idea that your life has already been mapped out for you, and you just have to enjoy the ride, but do you think that the "universe" gives you clues along the way? I like to think that your "clues" are really those tiny bursts of happiness that occur when you know that what you're doing in that instant is exactly what you're supposed to be doing. I've been having those lately, when I create my invitations for my company Sully & Marge or anything associated with that. It's what I want for my life! What is giving you those little moments of excitement these days, I'd love to know?

I have reached a decision though, I've decided to see a psychiatrist. I've always been an emotional gal, but in the last few months, it seems to be getting in the way of the everyday. Well, at least probably 4-5 days out of the week anyway. I know where it all stems from, stress over Matt wanting a better job, not having enough money to survive much beyond paying the bills, getting our mortgage modified yet again and a little more personal stuff that I won't into here (a girls gotta have her secrets). It's all adding up and making for some pretty rough days, and the only thing that seems to get me through are the kids love and my escape in being a designer.

I'm so thankful I found my vocation, because if I had to add that in with the other stresses, I don't know where I'd be emotionally, probably in a padded room somewhere I suppose. I knew over ten years ago who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do, yet I'm not exactly where I'd hoped I'd be. I do know that I have the rest of my life to get there, so I am somewhat hopeful.

We had a party for Stella's birthday yesterday, she'd turned 6 on the 9th. We'd planned to only have immediate family, but it ended up being slightly more. One small family in particular ended making for a very interesting evening. Let's just say, without knowing what each other was thinking, after everyone had left, I walked onto the porch where Matt was smoking and both of us without missing a beat, made a reference to Cousin Eddie from the National Lampoon movies. Matt said he'd "never felt more like Clark Griswold in his life" and I said "doesn't he remind you of that guy from those National Lampoon movies?" I could go into detail, but I am unsure of who reads this blog, so I will say nothing more. And, if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then watching only one of these movies I've referenced will give you all the info you need, but "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" is probably the best example I can think of.

Aside from all that, Stella is growing up way too fast in my opinion. She wanted among other items, open toed high heeled shoes. I said "no way" but in the end, I found some sandals meeting all those requirements in her size. And, to her credit, she walks very well in them. lol We also gave her a Justin Bieber CD, and yes, she has the "Feve for the Bieb!" We also bought the new Alice in Wonderland for her, love that movie. Well, that's the catch up for now. Later.

I've Found a Hutch of Grey Hare.

Well, not exactly I suppose. I was in the powder room the other day attempting to do something with my hair because I'm debating/deciding whether or not to let my hair grow long. Yes, yes, how do you prevent your hair from growing, har har har, but you know what I mean. Since the day after I got married, I've pretty much had hair no longer then my chin with a brief time where I let it grow past my shoulders. I'm trying, it will be difficult. So, while trying to figure out a way to deal with my bangs for the day, I uncovered the most seemingly mysterious, yet dreadfully distressing thing...a patch of grey hair. :(I know, everyone ages, it cannot be escaped, but somehow I thought maybe I would be forgotten about. Who was I kidding, my gorgeous grandmother went completely white by something like 30, by far it could be worse. Although, it was the most beautiful showing of age I've ever seen. I miss her.

I've been sort of sad about it for the last 2 days until someone said, but that's what I'm here for, my friends who's going to cosmetology school. Aha! She's right, if I don't like it, there are things I can do about it, although they may not be the choice of just anyone. I'm a graphic designer, I LOVE color, and it is acceptable in my industry to us to be "eccentric." So, below are a couple photos of what I am planning to do as far as color. Eff You grey hair, I'm comin' for ya!

Yup, I'm going wild. I've always wanted to be a rich, warm brunette although I have extremely thin hair, which I hate, but I make the best of it. I will also be adding a nice shade of purple to the underneath portion and possibly a little something up top and front. I know it's not for everyone, but I like to try new things. I showed Stella and she thought I was crazy and said that she would be embrrassed. Oh well, she's got quite a few years of that ahead. Ha ha ha!

How Could This Happen?

This truly is the strangest thing that has ever happened in my life. That's how I'll start. I've been so busy with school, worrying about losing our house yet again that I didn't bother to stop and question anything else that was going on, albeit strange. It started right before Easter when my Las Vegas "client" was "missing." His assistant called me frantic saying she could not get a hold of him and that he would call her 10 times a day but now, nothing. We spoke quite a bit in the next day or so and then about 3 days after Easter she calls me again saying he's been in an accident in California and that he was found unconscious, but that the details are not totally understood, but that he is in a hospital in California. We are all sort of shaken, we were a "family" and we were worried about him. I trugged forward with my school work, regular job, etc not overly concerned about what was going on, but in my head sort of planning for the announcement that he'd passed away. Would his funeral be in Vegas or Indiana where he'd said he was from?

Maybe 2 weeks later I get another call from Brittany saying that he's still unconscious but that the tests are coming back positive and that the plan is to move forward with business. OK? So, I just say well, give me a couple days notice for anything you need and I'll be fine. I should back up a little and state that right before tax time, Rob called me to tell me that he might have to send me a 1099 for all the work I'd done for him and he asked if that would be ok. I said something to the effect of "do you have to?" And, he said, "well, I'll just tell my accountant something, don't worry about it."

So, somewhere around the beginning to middle of this week Brittany calls me again saying that now she can't get a hold of anyone and she thinks something is up. I do to. I mean, he's in some hospital, we are a "family" and yet no hospital name is given, no room number to send flowers to, no phone number to send well wishes, strange!?!? The very next day, Brittany gets a phone call from the Arizona State Campus government saying that she is their point of contact and that they wanted to know what Rob was going to do about the affidavit that he had against him. This was enough to send Brittany into a frenzy of searches and investigation, she is awesome. We email each other back and forth and then I hit the hay for the night. The next morning I check my email and right after I'd gone to bed, Brittany had hit the mother load. The email simply had a link and a message that read "girl, you gotta see this and you gotta call me!" I get to work, check the email, click the link and here is what she sent me: http://www.in.gov/apps/indcorrection/ofs/ofs?lname=peacher&fname=&search1.x=0&search1.y=0

I could not believe what I was seeing, a laundry list of crimes stemming all the way back from 1990! This man I had been working for for over a year had been in prison since 1998, I was working with and for a criminal. Everything I thought had been wrong, I had been duped. I thought, this is insane, I'm dreaming, this is a nightmare, this can't be true. I called Brittany and she had called the jail and by God, this was the same man, and he's been doing this for a long time!!!!!!!!!!

How the hell does something like this happen? In the words of my friend Richard, "you can't write this shit!" I agree, I could never have imagined in a million years that I would be a victim of something like this. Brittany called a bit later and told me that she'd gotten to positively identify him by hearing a recording of his voice that the jail had and she simply stated, "it's him, no guilt here." I got it, we weren't wrong, something was up, but who is involved, who is a victim like we are and why were we paid and who's money were we paid with?

I'm upset, worried about my identity being stolen, all those crazy emotions. I feel like I've been violated and it doesn't help knowing that his greatest crime was attempted rape at knife point. Now I'm just trying to figure out what my next move is, maybe a Chris Hansen episode of Dateline?

I'll keep you posted...

I'm A Jerk!

I've come to the conclusion that while I may be a seasoned designer, I do NOT take criticism well. I think it goes hand in hand with my pet peeve for being made to feel stupid which stems from dealing with my brother who was the typical middle child, me being the older sister had issues all my own. It's not like I feel like I'm better than everyone else, it's just that I think sometimes people don't know what they're talking about. :) In feeling this way, I often have a tendency to burn my bridges and get mad initially and then relent. Case in point, the site redesign for the CAID found in this post. I had to send the comp to them to get their opinion about it and I was so confident that they'd like it, I didn't give myself any room for real changes and when I get their email back, I was dumbfounded. Plus, the use of the word "circus" in reference to some of the items, I took offense to. So stupid. I need to realize that it's THEIR site, it may be my baby while I'm creating it, but I can't read minds and nothing is ever going to be perfect. My email response to them was a bit on the snarky side and their response was that of surprise for my reaction to their requested changes. Mind you, they are getting this site for the cost of FREE, and some of their requests were a bit excessive so in some case I was right to be frustrated. We've since ironed things out, so it's good and I was given some good advice about thick skin and all.

However, lastnight I was designing my Sully & Marge logo and was at the point where I didn't love it, but I'd guessed it would do. A friend made some suggestions and the outcome was awesome, I am so happy with the results. I really can't wait to get going on this venture, it feels like a really good fit.

There Is A Plague on My House.

Two weeks ago the stomach flu swept through here and hit all four of us in the matter of about 5 days. It sucked but I did lose like 7-8 pounds so there was a high point. So, we had Easter after that and then Monday I was going to devote my time to creating my final comp for my website redesign. That DIDN'T happen! Stella developed a fever and Cohen refused to go to bed, threw up and his door knob broke but he was finally sacked out at 10:30. Now, that may not seem "late" to some of you out there, but this is the kid who usually can't stay up past 7pm and he's been known on more than one occasion to go to bed by 5:30.

Anywho, I didn't get much time today either to devote to it. Matt took the kids to the doctor and Stella has STREP. YIKES! I really hope I don't get this one, BUT, it could mean a few more pounds lost. lol I headed into class a couple hours early to finish mocking it up. While I was there, I found out that one of my clients, more of a friend really was in a very serious accident and he was finally found, but was unconscious, but they aren't sure how long he's been unconscious because they don't know when the accident occurred. So scary. I really hope he pulls through, he's a really amazing person. I'm praying for you Rob. :(

Here is what I have for the comp, I still have a lot of work to do, but my instructor did say my design was "Awesome!"

Sully & Marge?

Hello all my Easter Peeps! Dontcha love how I threw that out there? I'm not the biggest fans of that Easter confection, but I thought it fit the mood of the day. After the success of my baseball inspired boy baby shower invitation (found here), I talked with a friend at school and she has agree to help me try to launch an invitation design business. Obviously most of the beginning biz will come from word of mouth, but hopefully it will take off quickly. I really love doing invites and think it could be a fun and profitable venture. What do you think of the name Sully & Marge for it? I got the name from my children's middle names. Sully is short for Sullivan, Cohen's middle name and my MIL's maiden name and Marge is short for Marjorie, my beloved grandmothers name. So, no, it's not the monster from Monsters Inc. or the mom from the Simpson's.

In the mean time, I am thoroughly engrossed in my Dreamweaver final project, a website redesign and to see the monstrosity that I am undertaking, whew, you have no idea the task I've taken on, neither did I. Here it is. It really is a mess, but the people I'm doing it for, they are really nice art people, so it helps. At least they aren't bankers or real estate agents. I've dealt with those kind of folks before and OMG, they are the worst. No offense to any of you out there that are any of those things, sorry.

In addition to all this, I somehow managed to create a flyer for a new found friend. If your on Twitter or happen to be in one of the places hosting this event for the Kentucky Derby, do check here for further information. Thanks for the opportunity Chef, it was a fun little item to create. Until later all, have a very pleasant and enjoyable Easter!

Such A Good Night!!!

I hope you noticed that this posts title required not 1 but 3 exclamation points! I had my portfolio review at school tonight. I wasn't expecting much and had a few teachers in mind who I was less than thrilled to have in the case they would be the ones doing the review. However, when I got there, I was so excited to discover that I had my web design teacher, a woman Matt said was a great reviewer and another teacher I'd never met. I was nervous though, and my friend Nicole said, "it's because you care." She was right, aside from my immediate family, doing this work is the only thing I truly care about, it gives me purpose. I had their rapt attention the entire time, WITH mouths agape, literally, the teacher I didn't know sat there with his mouth open. :)

It couldn't have gone any better, they complimented my use of color, typography, structure, etc, it felt SO good. The teacher I really wanted feedback from told me I had the best student portfolio he'd seen in years. I was bouncing off the walls on the inside of my body. In his notes to me he said, "your skills dictate that you should be employed." Couldn't have said it better myself! When I left, the woman told me that it had been a pleasure to review my portfolio.

AMEN!

I had coffee with my friend and we talked for a couple hours about design about family, felt good to talk to someone new. She's young, doesn't have a family yet, but she is good listener and good for conversation. Awesome night!

Me, Cameron Crowe and Marvin Gaye?

Got some interesting and exciting news today. Don't even really know if I'm allowed to share it, but he won't find out, but let's try to keep it hush hush for now. A friend of mine is a painter, his name is Tony Roko. He is a self taught painter who currently works for Ford Automotive and for a long time he worked on the line, but now he's been asked to return to his duty of mural painting for them. However, this is not what I'm about to tell you. Tony was commissioned to created a work for Marvin Gaye as they were celebrating Marvin at the Motown Museum this year. Tony painted it and got some rave reviews about it. Now, writer and director Cameron Crowe, who's going to be doing a biopic on Marvin Gaye potentially wants Tony's painting in the movie! The cool part for moi is that I created postcards of Tony's work for his press kit and now some of my work is being emailed directly to Cameron Frickin' Crowe! My first and probably only ever brush with fame. I'm quite tickled.

Where My Heads At

Since I've begun this cleansing ritual, I've realized that I'm also cutting off things I didn't mean to. Such as potential clients via some friends, friends who's emails I must obtain and those people who never did anything to me, but who will get swept under the rug because I have no way to contact them unless I break this vow of digital celibacy. Hmmm, what to do, a problem for another time I suppose. But, it has really put into perspective what I need to focus on. Not in any particular order other than brain dumping order: my health, my daughters health, my job search, my portfolio, my ability to learn and retain, the list could go on and on, but these you see are the highlights.

Was busy a couple weeks ago doing an invitation for my cousin's baby shower and I had to have them printed and buy envelopes for them. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how they turned out and it's for a boy so I wanted different envelopes and to match the theme, I purchased an earth friendly version. Love anything printed onto or just made from the same material as paper grocery bags and wouldn't ya know it, the envelopes were called "grocery bag" envelopes. I even found a cheap source that ships for free in the US! Yeah for my cheap ass and my unwillingness to pay too much. Plus, why should envelopes cost $8 and ship for $15? I mean, hello, I don't even think they weigh a pound and your charging me almost double the cost of the damn items themselves?

Something of note that's come out from all of this is I feel like I'm already having more meaningful conversations via email. Strange how a lack of lol's, emoticons and ......'s can change how you feel about the language.

I'll be pretty heads down the next few days getting my portfolio ready for a instructor review at school tomorrow night, working on a website redesign for my final project, creating a hat logo/flyer for a Kentucky Derby event and I'm sure more that Im forgetting at the moment. But, because I've missed you so much, I'll be back soon.

A Cleanse of Sorts.

I did it, and hopefully for good. I really started hating Facebook and to be honest, we had a rather abusive relationship. I would get angry, I would say things I meant and then take them back. Then I just wouldn't say anything for a while. Then of course the nasty messages were sent and posts deleted and the damage had been done. I'm hoping that this is a forever severed relationship, but if not, when I do decide to come back, it will be to a foreshortened list of friends and family who seem to get me. I never mean negativity or unkindness to anyone, but damn some folks just seem to ask for it don't they?

I think too that this will be better for my home and work life. I get so easily distracted by the games, message board etc that I often just sit and surf and come back to it in the hopes that something new and different has been posted, but really is it ever that ground-breaking or interesting? NO! Just like me, it is a lot of crap that you must filter through to get to the real meaningful stuff, but I figure if I'm off Facebook that means I can blog more often and get more done and spend more quality time with the people that surround.

OK, now back to life.

So Much Up In The Air.

As is everyone in life, all things in mine are up in the air. I am trying to surround myself with positive people, positive ideas, progress and such. I've attained potential new clients, thrust myself back into the life of digital scrapbook design and am trying my hardest currently to embrace my necessary schooling that will push me along the way. I don't know if any of you remember or even know that a long time ago I was a part of this great little group at KJOI Studios? I had to step away for a while because of work commitments and other things that ended up actually sidelining my life rather than helping it when I could have been make stuff and having a blast doing it all along. DOH! Well, I took that step and asked the lovely Kara if she'd have me back and she welcomed me with open arms. Thanks Kara, I'm thinking to you that in the future I will owe you my sanity because you may have just given me the place to call my own and hone my skills. I am really excited.

On another note, I met up with an old friend, who was actually a boss of mine in a former life while I worked at the Gap as a young 20-something and I am designing a business card for her and she has a few ideas up her sleeve as well for more and more clients. Oh how I love new clients, it's what keeps me alive. She also sells Aloette cosmetics. Any of you who know me, probably know that I am a no frills, low maintenance kinda gal, but I am 32 now and soon enough my skin won't be gettin' any more elasticy and so Jo turned me on to their line for us ladies who are veering on upward towards the middle part of our lives so that we may maintain our luxurious young elasticity and youthful glow and looking damn pretty to boot.

SO, I said well sign me up after a nice facial and moisture rich rebuff. I feel better, my skin looks better even after only one application too. You need these products, they are a must. Visit her website to order products from her, you won't be sorry.

What A Life!

Not really, just bidness as usual. Yesterday was my "day" to sleep in, that's how my hubs and I work it at home so that the same person isn't waking up at some god awful hour with the kids. Although it always seems that he is the one to have to get up when the kids decide, "ya know, I think 6am is a perfectly acceptable time to wake up on a Sunday morning!" Muwahhhhahahaha I say as I roll back over and stay in bed till 10. Mind you, the kids got up at 8:30 on my watch and I managed to bathe the baby then put him down for a nap, do the dishes and clean the house, all before hubs woke up. Not too shabby. But, poor Matt had a banner day yesterday. He was basically up by 5:30, officially with both kids at 7am. In that time, Cohen threw up twice, had a bath a short name and was generally boogery and crabby. Stella was demanding as usual and my restful sleep to be was constantly interrupted by bellows from below. When Matt doesn't get enough sleep, WATCH OUT! Then I got up, showered and was ready for the day, he was off to take his mother to Canada to buy her some things. As soon as he got back he was going to do laundry only to realize that my using the disposal after I hit the grocery store with both kids in tow then came home and cleaned out the fridge, put baby down for a nap, started our dinner of corned beef and cabbage and finally ate my lunch at 3pm, that my running the disposal had backed up in the wash tub in the basement. In a word, he was disgusted. Seething underneath, but swearing to me it was not my fault, YEAH RIGHT! After a few hours of trying to bail out and plunge, he went back to his moms to get her drain snake. It didn't work. Luckily he has a friend who is a plumber, but as you can see he is a man and refuses to admit defeat and waited until 8pm to call him. Needless to say, his friend was over tonight for a couple hours and cleaned out the drain like a champ, he is my new hero and the poor guy wouldn't take a dime from us.

Phew. I'm tired just from typing it and I was the one who lived it.

Today was spent trying to figure out ways to make extra buckage, not doing so well yet, but I'll keep trying. I'm so over with this struggling thing, but then I remind myself that I'm only 32 and my time is coming. Right?

I Have Been Published

The other day as I was going through my usual job search process I take nearly every single day, I stumbled upon something of interest. A job posting looking for designers with a lot of experience to write articles for a design website. I said "what the hell you can simultaneously conquer your fear of writing and make a few extra dollars in the process." I emailed the company and within less than 8 hours got the opportunity to try out. So, I searched the recesses of my tired mind and thought about what has been at the forefront of my brain these days and landed upon my idea. I would write an article about my struggles and successes with freelance work and the process as I see it. I sent the article off last night and didn't hear anything and after a long day with the kids, starting a new class tonight and coming home to more frustration with a client, I checked the website for the company whom I wrote the article for and tada!, here it is. I was even given credit for the article when I was told originally that I would start as a ghost writer. I'm so excited, I've never been published, and this is a dream come true. Thanks GrindSmart!

Like I said, I started my class tonight, Dreamweaver and I can't wait to get started. I have been designing for over ten years now and I am dying to break my way into web design. I feel like I am very skilled in print and design, and this lack of full web design knowledge is really cramping my style. So, here I am busting down these walls for myself and it feels pretty damn good when I look back and see how tough and what a struggle this last year has been. I've come a long way baby and it feels really damn good!

I Wear My Heart on My Sleeve.

If you already know me, you know that I am an emotional person. Just like everyone else, I feel sad, angry, happy, blah, etc. I however, maybe like some of you out there, let it rule me from time to time. I may be different from you, but since I can remember, this has shaped who I have become. I mean, in preschool I was voted most sympathetic. And, for me, my sympathy comes with a small price. If I've given you some sympathy, all I ask in return is that from time to time you let me be me around you. I won't apologize for being who I am, but if you don't like it, maybe you should reconsider the relationship we have. I would not ask you to stifle yourself and stop doing something that comes naturally to you, even if it rubbed me the wrong way. I would accept that it is just a part of your personality and leave it at that. I guess what I've learned is there are people who are in it with you 100% and others who are only maybe 75-90% and that's ok but don't make me feel less than.

Besides that, I like people who show their emotions, it lets me know that you are real and true. And it lets me know what things effect you in both positive and negative ways. Is that so wrong?