To 2009!

To smaller boobs and a brighter future.

Resolute or Indecisive?

This year I do believe is the year that I make no promises. All those seem to do for me is allow me to let myself down. Instead I resolve to see the "sunny side." For example, it's not that we are using the cheapest baby formula, rather it is the most cost effective baby formula. You see how I did that? It's easy, now you try it. You want another one? How about instead of me just being too cheap and lazy to put gas in my car and drive somewhere, I resolve to lessen my carbon footprint. I know I'm being silly about this, but really, I think it will help me to do this. I am way too negative most of the time and hopefully this will make me a more positive person on a daily basis. 

In other news, Cohen is just a great little guy. He and Stella are bonding nicely and she really seems to enjoy being the big sister. My mother has always told me that one is easy and that two is more than twice as hard. I didn't know exactly what she meant, but I did know that those words really worried me. What could she mean, more than twice as hard? Where was she going with this, and why couldn't she expand on that statement? NOW I GET IT! It's not that having a new little baby in the house is hard, it's dealing with that other little one that's been there in the first position for this long now feels like they are playing second fiddle. AHA!

Her personality has gone through such changes lately that I was concerned that she might have a mental illness. Going from so sweetly holding baby bro to making snotty comments at the least little thing. I spend most of my day feeling like I'm constantly trying to reassure her in not so subtle ways that she is still much loved all the while needing to scold some of the not so lovely behavior issues that have come up. Strangest part is, I don't feel old enough to have any depth of knowledge on this subject but at 31 with two children, I guess it is what it is. Matt and I can't help but notice all the personality differences between the two in relation to newborn behaviors. Cohen is SOOOOOO much more layed back than Stella ever was even just down to when he wakes up in the middle of the night. She would immediately wake up with this shrill cry that said "feed me know or pay later." All he does is sort of sqawk a bit and makes little noises to alert you that "hey, I'm here and when you get a minute could you feed me?" I think we could be feeling this way simply because we've done this before and we know what we're up

 against and anything less traumatic than what we've already experienced we chalk up to good luck.

He's precious and she's preciously precocious. 

This photo was taken just about 24 hours after giving birth to Cohen so excuse my strange look, but in this photo I really see how and why people say Stella is my Mini Me, weird how you don't always notice those things. 

I am happy to say that since having Cohen I have lost about 22 of the 30 pounds I gained during pregnancy and I'm guessing that the gigantic boobs I've been forced to carry around the last three days may just account for a couple more pounds, so I'm nearly back to my starting point and I would like to lose another 25 to get where I really want to be, hmmm, maybe I snuck in one shiny little New Years resolution. :)

But, since I am not quite there I've had to wear some of the early maternity pants because my regular jeans don't fit yet and today, the little miss asked me why my butt is getting bigger. Wow! Someone hasn't learned to be delicate about such subjects. Matt though did reassure me that it was just the pants that looked bigger on my butt, not the other way around.

Welcome: Cohen Sullivan

Yes, that is him and his prison number. I thought it was funny that when they discharged us, it was not by his name, but his number D5697. Hence the old time style prison photo and number. Let's see, I went in the day after Christmas at 8am. Instead of inducing me, they said I was already in active labor and so they weren't going ahead with the petocin. I was already at 4cm and progressing nicely. After a couple hours, they gave me a shot of Nubane to deal with the contractions and I was doing fine. That wore off and the contractions sort of stopped. They gave me a whiff of Petocin and the races were off. By noon, I was having heavy duty contractions with about 30 seconds in between them. I said I wanted the epidural. The guy came in all tattooed and buff acting bragging about how good he was at administering said epidural and began the process. The contractions were getting worse and worse and by now I was crying. After probably about 15 attempts, he was going to get someone to help him, something about the pockets between my vertibrae being small. Anyway, the nurse asked me if I didn't want Demerol instead and I said YES, don't let him get somebody else. He came in and looked all apologetic and let down and I was in so much pain I just said, "don't worry about it, I don't care." At that point I went from 8cm to 10cm in probably under a minute and KNEW that I was about to push. They came in and after I think 4 pushes, hard ones, he was out, by 2:33pm. He weighed 7lbs 11oz and was 20.25 inches. A wonderful little boy and we are so thrilled he's ours.

Here's a funny story though, on Christmas night Stella was spending the night at grandma's so that we could just go easily to the hospital the next day. I said, "what time to you want me to call you tomorrow?" She said, "2 o'clock, no 2:30." Wow is all I can say, I think she is slightly intuitive. 

Any way, I am tired, sitting here typing as Cohen is laying in his bassinet. And I'm thinking about heading to bed. Thanks for reading.

Visions of Sugar Plums Dance in My Head.

Well, I kind of owe someone an apology, not exactly sure who yet, but someone is probably due. Matt and I begrudgingly headed to the Health Department this morning and we were not prepared for what happened. I was already upset before we entered the building and basically told Matt, that he had to speak as I was already in tears. In my defense, I am 9 months pregnant and prone to emotional outbursts. So, this very nice girl tells us that she will squeeze us in on her break and we'll see if we can't get something. I'll spare all the boring details, but this amazing young girl whose only title was "Typist" is certainly much more deserving of a more inspiring title, maybe that of Goddess Representative on High, yeah, that's better. Whatever she did got not only Stella approved for MI Child - the very low monthly payment of $10/month with medical and dental which will allow her to continue going to the doctor in Plymouth that I absolutely love, but it also approved me for medicaid to fill in the blanks after I have Cohen and need all that follow up care, PLUS, she was able to qualify Cohen for the Healthy Kids program which is absolutely free!!!!! And, we were able to go back to Blue Cross Blue Shield, our beloved PPO. You do not know what it's like to go from having a PPO all your life to suddenly being thrust into the world of an HMO. I hated it and feel like I'm going home again. Before we left, both Matt and I hugged her and I told her that she had restored my faith in other people and I think I even called her honey, not like me, but I was again very emotional. So, needless to say, I finally feel like I am allowed to enjoy both this Christmas and the last few days we have as a family of three. Thank you again to our angel Nicole, you will never TRULY know what you've done for me and how I now trust other people with the things that are most important in my life. My hope is that someday I can do the same for someone else.

Merry Christmas!

Become A Dirt Ass, Get Rewarded For It!!!

*Alright, I am desperate. I know there are experts out there among you. Where can I go that I won't lose my house just to get my children seen or at the very least where can I take my newborn to get all the shots and checkups he needs? I am in a panic. We DO NOT qualify for any type of state funding, I make TOO MUCH money, however, at the moment, I can barely afford all my regular bills. Depending on when Cohen comes out, I will only have a day or so to get him to the doctor that I love, but will not be able to afford once I do not have insurance as a wellness visit would cost me $147 and a sick visit would cost me $87. What is wrong with this world where you are continually rewarded for leaching off the government. It's like if you are in the middle you are just f&%$ed! 

So, as you know, Matt was laid off the day before Thanksgiving and we'll be losing our health insurance as of January 1st. I was told by many people that my children at least would qualify for MI Child and potentially WIC. Well, I have absolutely no interest in applying for WIC, not a road I'd be willing to go down. But, for as far as health insurance goes, that is a necessary evil. Today I thought to myself, "gosh, I should really get that moving before Stella gets sick again and Cohen comes." So, I applied online. Well, guess what. We don't qualify because I make too much money. Gee Whiz, I knew that we were ROLLIN' IN THE DOUGH, but I didn't think that was any indication of whether or not my children would or would not qualify for the god given right to be raised healthfully? This is total BS if you ask me, and you should because I indeed have an opinion on the subject as you may have guessed by my post title. You see, in the eyes of the great state of Michigan, if you make anything above about $10/hour, you DO NOT qualify for a state funded program. Basically, we are being penalized for being 1. Educated, 2. Having Above Poverty Level Pay, 3. and basically Not Being Dirt Asses who always strive to be better, more productive citizens. Well, I for one am looking to purchase 4 tickets on the next train the hell out of this country and into Canada, maybe even France. Michigan and it's rediculous policies can kiss my you know what!!!!!

Do You Put Yourself Out There Too Much?

I do! How do you stop that behavior? At the moment, it can't be helped, but do you do it at the expense of your family and loved ones? I do! It's a pattern of mine that I'd like to end today! Why you may ask? Because it never seems to be reciprocated and it only seems to hurt the ones I love. Sorry, I'm just feeling low at the moment, I'll get over it.

It's A Marshmallow World In The Winter.

Well, the snow DID cover the ground, but most of our days go on as usual. All those lucky kiddies who don't have school today will be driving their parents nuts one day earlier than they would have. Took a couple photos of the yard and played with the color a bit, applied a Lomo Photo effect and then found a set of Vintage Photo Frame Brushes here to add a nice effect that so reminds me of the overexposed pictures my grandmother had in her collection of photographs that I was in love with. Feeling sort of blue today, but I always do when I miss my grandma. :( It's been 12.5 years, but she's never far from my thoughts, so this post is for your Margie!

An Amazing Gift.

Today when I opened my door to get the mail, there was a fluffy package there in that I was not expecting. But, I saw the name and knowing how talented this person is, I got so excited, I barely made time to put my other junk mail down. I ran to get something to open the package and what should be in there, but the most lovely little item I've ever seen, and it was all for me, well for Cohen anyway.It is the most absolutely loveliest little cozy sweater you ever did see. He is going to look so cute is this sweet little sweater. 

Sue, you are so talented and just once I want to hear you brag about how good you are at knitting and how you NEED to open a shop and how much people would just die to get ahold of the things you create. Please visit Sue's blog and encourage her to open some kind of shop where she can share all the beauty with others.

Sue, you are absolutely the best!

:)

One Last Picture.

Feeling really good today, and hoping sort of that it doesn't mean this is the calm before the storm. Or, maybe I do, I don't know. I decided I should probably take one last photo of the big ole belly before I give birth. We took Stella to see the lights at Hines Drive and needless to say, I was not impressed this year. Maybe it's the economy or maybe companies are bahumbugging it this year, but there wasn't nearly as much set up this year as the last. Hmmmm, not sure why it should cost $5 either. Oh well, not trying to be cheap, but if things aren't as good as last year, shouldn't the cost go down maybe? Well, feeling the pressure to remove old photos from Stella's scrapbooks as they are already falling apart and I'm going all digital. I can't help it, it kills me to see those stupid books already falling apart. I'm going with www.blurb.com for a large hard cover bound book. The cost isn't that bad when you consider what you'd spend on all the scrapbook paper products. You should check them out, they are so worth a looksee. Until next time.

My Zazzle Shop Items.

Just wanted to show you the items I have in my shop. I am sort of excited about them and who knows, maybe we can make a buck or two. Thanks for looking and remember, here is my shop.

This Is Not Meant To Offend

I don't think that this should offend anyone, but the only reason it's going here on my blog is because I want to protect my intellectual property rights and I've been advised that publishing it to the internet is as good as it gets. You all know that Matt was laid off the day before Thanksgiving right? Well and that because of all this bullshit, we are losing our insurance January 1st right? Forcing us to have Cohen early in order to avoid a rather large bill from Botsford General right? So, the other day at my OB appointment, I was chatting with Matt while half naked waiting for the doctor to come in and "survey the area." Well, we were talking about out of work auto workers and it dawned on me. I could change the UAW - United Auto Workers logo to the UOW United Outta Workers. And, I only felt justified in doing this because I had been personally affected by it. So, case closed for me, but I still hope not to have offended anyone. 

However, if you know of anyone that might be interested in a t-shirt with said logo on it, please visit my Zazzle shop here to purchase something. It could only add to our dwindling income.

We Have A Date.

An induction date that is. I am officially scheduled for December 26th at 8am to birth my little guy. Unless of course he has his own plans and well, let's be honest he is a man and they ALWAYS have their own agenda.

:)

Poor Jilted Stella.

The other day Stella informed me that she and Jimmy were and I quote "In Love." I laughed, but she insisted her and her little schoolmate who is quite the cutey were in fact in love. I asked her is she was going to marry him and her answer was "I'm not going to marry a little kid." I assume she was implying that they were just very close friends.

This evening after school, I saw Jimmy and his grandma walking past our house with a little girl. I said "hey Stella, Jimmy just went by our house." She bolts to the window only to see this little girl and she screams "that's Faith!" And let me just tell you, she sounded very mad that her little Jimmy was with another girl. I said, "well, are you sure that it's Faith?" And she said, "YES! yes it was." She proceeded to step out onto the porch and yelled "Hi Jimmy" but got no response. She sat out there for a minute, I can only guess debating whether or not to run down the sidewalk and say hello. Instead she sulked for a minute and told me that I needed to make her feel better. I felt for her, really, but mostly it just cracked me up.

We are surely in for it aren't we. 

Too Too Busy.

It's been a whirlwind since well, the day before Thanksgiving. Yeah, Matt is out of work, but thankfully with all the OT he had put in through the last year or so, his unemployment is about $10 more per week than an average dues removed payweek. Yippee! Sadly though, it won't last forever. At least we weren't used to him making amazing money and it's not an adjustment, until it runs out of course. But, he'll be done with school in another semester or so and we have our fingers crossed.

Well, I am out of PC world and loving every minute of it. My brand new laptop arrived vis FedEx the Monday after Thanksgiving and here she is. 

I am indeed in love! I was even able to work at Panera this very afternoon after dropping Stella off at school. True bliss I say. We also got jolly the Saturday after Thanksgiving and Stella and I decorated our beloved pink tinsel tree. Matt pretty much hates it and says he needs to hand over a man card for every years it exists, but I enjoy it, it's something I've always wanted and finally, when we bought our house 2 years ago, I went ahead and just bought one on Ebay. Love it.

And, subsequently after Thanksgiving Stella was sick and not just a little, try double ear infections. And, on top of that, after getting her a free antibiotic from Meijer, we found out through some not so lovely hives that she is in fact allergic to anything with cillin in it so we went from free to a $40 antibiotic. YEAH! What next? No, I probably shouldn't ask that huh?

I have a question of all ya'll who may read or lurk on my little boring blog, can a pregnant woman tell if her baby is breech by how the baby moves and feels from the outside of the belly? I have a strange feeling and inclination that he is either diagonal or facing the wrong direction or something. There is an obvious side that he moves on and one side of my stomach sticks out further than the other and on occasion one side is downright more uncomfortable than the other. Am I just being weird? Please advise.

Secret Lair.

OK, so I'm coming to you from a remote location and have to be sure to dress warmly and type quickly. Actually, I'm located for the moment in our basement on Matt's PC. You see, for the past week or so, my computer has been acting strangely, just shutting off suddenly all on its own. We thought that maybe because of its proximety to our heating vent that it was in fact overheating, but since we moved it accross the room, it seemed to stop doing that. UNTIL, the other day. It must have shut itself off about 5-6 times before I finally realized, WOW, we really need to do something about this. I begrudgingly called my mother to see if she couldn't help us out and thankfully, since she's the best mom in the world an my rock, she obliged. I ordered a brand spankin' new macbook pro on Wednesday night. Thank god I did, as after that, it progressivley got worse and worse until finally I'd saved and transferred all that I could and the poor guy just conked right out. He'll be missed. He was my trusty steed for almost 3 years and because he was a refurb, who knows how long the previous owner had him. But, now with new baby quickly on the way, this little baby will make my life that much more portable and easier. Hopefully though, he will arrive much sooner than Cohen, I don't know how long I can last in PC world.
:P

And I Was In Such A Good Mood...

Some times I just love a good gloomy overcast day, so much more appealing when you have lots of indoor work to do. So, after dropping the little miss off at school I decided to head to Panera for a nice hazelnut coffee with a scotsch of nutmeg and a Cinnamon Crunch bagel. When, on the drive home what should happen but a nice fat rock hits my windshield and puts a nice little spider web crack in it. I figure it was only a matter of time before my cheer demeanor was forcibly changed and yet only still a matter of time before that small spider web turns into a giant spider mansion.

UGH!

A Conversation We Had This Morning.

Stella: "Mom, do you know that Patrick likes to say Fish Paste?"

Me: "Oh really, yeah, I guess I can remember hearing him say that."

Stella: "Yeah, and I think Sponge Bob likes to say Jesus Christ."

Me: "STELLA, don't say that again and by the way, I think it's Momma who likes to say that, but that's a big people word, you're not allowed to say it."

Stella: "OK momma."

Rough Day Today.

*UPDATE: Mission accomplished, not a repulsive mess any longer and still not as cleavagy as Pink. :)

Today started out good, but quite quickly regressed. Someone who shall remain nameless came over today to "cut" and I use that term loosely my hair. Needless to say, once this person left I began to try my attempt at fixing it. Matt suggested not fussing too much with it so that I didn't push it beyond being repairable. So needless to say, this is what I feel like I look like. Yes, not exactly like this, a little longer, but that's how it makes me feel. Then we decided to bring the babies dresser into the house from the garage only to realize that it was a complete and total piece of junk. A neighbor down the street gave it to us and acted like it was this great piece of "old" furniture but it ended up mostly being made of literally cardboard and particle board. It just brought me to tears in the end. With having to deal with Matt being laid off for all of December, the prospect of my hours dwindling greatly lately and losing our health insurance by January 1st, this day just sent me over the edge. I just want to scream AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

But, first thing tomorrow morning I plan on getting a cut that fixes the hackcut I received today. Stupid me for not looking deeper into the background of said person and trying to get something for nothing. Lesson learned. Here's what I'm going to hopefully get tomorrow. 

Wish me luck!

A Shocking Response.

Had another baby doc appointment and all is well. Baby Cohen is measuring 33 weeks already. Last time he was only measuring 29 weeks. Growing fast. I asked Stella tonight if she had any concerns about the baby coming and suddenly things got dark. She looks at me like she going to cry and says "I'm worried that Cohen will be dead in your tummy." All I could do was say "Oh baby, NO, he's fine, he's moving all the time, don't even worry about that." I thought she would say something more along the lines of "I'm afraid you won't love me as much as the baby" etc. 

Then she told Matt and it made him upset a little, apparently something he NEVER wants to hear again. Wow! Sometimes I am so shocked by what comes out of her little brain.

New Pregnancy Symptom!

OK, aside from eating anything and everything I see these days, I've developed yet another pregnancy symptom that I didn't have with Miss Stella. I started getting achy pain that felt like I had a bruise forming on my right wrist. Upon looking up this symptom in relation to pregnancy, I discovered that I more than likely have pregnancy related carpal tunnel. OMG! I cannot handle one more new thing to pop up. Oh, well, being that I am nearly 33 weeks, it could just be about a month from now that little Cohen arrives. Oh god, I'm scaring myself now.

PS: I should be receiving my prize from Candace Ang and I am breathless with anticipation.

The History of Halloween *aka* My Favorite Moments.

A recap of Halloween's past and present. Here is the little goobie as a goldfish for her second Halloween ever. Yup, I made the costume all with my own little hands. Felt was my medium for a few years.

Here is the Halloween for our first year in our new home. Actually we hadn't lived there for even a whole week by Halloween this year. Here she is Tinker Bell, well my felt covered version anyway. And of course an obligatory shot of her at the Pumpkin Patch with daddy.

This year right before Halloween, she fell off the porch and scraped her arm from wrist to elbow on a brick paver. "Ow!" It looks worse than it actually was because we only had really small band aids. I dubbed her Frankenstella for the next few days.

Daddy took her on a "Photo shoot" for a website he is creating. She is supposed to be the female, much younger, Woody Guthrie.

Yes, that is her guitar and yes those are Sponge Bob vinyl cling stickers on it.

Ah, the thankless job of a pumpkin carver. I was "busy" and didn't have to carve or get all gooey, that was her job.

Here are the treat boxes I created for her first class party. They are supposed to look like little monster with orange and green rice krispy treats on the inside. They came out pretty nice.

Here she is getting into costume for school. 

And, here she is on her costume parade around some of the hallways.

I'm Not Wrong, I'm Just Not Wrong!

I know this may easily offend, so steer clear if you even think you won't like it. Today apparently I offended someone and their political views. I do apologize to this person, but I have to say I don't think I'm wrong.

How can people say, because a certain person was NOT elected, that they feel scared, numb, frightened, etc??? What that implies to me is that they are ignorant and well, I just won't say anymore. This unelected person decided it was better to back out of Michigan only a few weeks before our historical and amazing vote the other night. Now, to me, that is not a good example to set as a would-be leader. It's cowardice and a sign of a quitter. Hmmmmmmm........not exactly what I expect out of my future leader. I have never aligned myself with any particular party. Although I was raised in a democratic household and married into a republican one. I have voted for both sides. This time around I sided with a winner! And, not to mention the "Change We Need!" I am proud to call Mr. Obama my president now and till the end of his term in office and I will pray for his safety every day for protection from the racist and bigoted. 

This was personal for me mostly I think because where we live is doing so poorly, but strong people will always survive regardless of your situation. You must Improvise, Adapt to Overcome! This is the motto in our home these days thanks to a former ex marine boss of my husbands. Matt works in the auto industry and our life has been a constant struggle ever since. We at least had enough foresight for him to go back to school, as he already has an Associates and a Bachelors degree that didn't get him where he needed to be, he will be receiving his 3rd degree just to be able to make it in this struggling economy. Being on the line as it were, his job will soon go to the lowest bidder as will all men and women in his position! It is just the reality of our times and area of the country.

People, what I'm saying is EMBRACE CHANGE! Damn! I get so frustrated hearing racist jokes about Obama and bullshit about being disappointed. Get on the bus and fast track it to the 21 Century, life is too short to spend your life afraid to change.

:(

WOW!

Well, I'm not very deep, but all I can say is that this is the first election where I feel like my voice was finally heard. Today, I am proud to be an American.

A Great Weekend.

Well, things are turning around for me, and fast. Still not ready to share yet, but soon enough ya'll will hear about it non stop I'm sure. Thanks Tristan!:) First off, here is a 30 almost 31 weeks pic of me.

Can't tell till I line up the photos how much bigger I look but from how I'm feeling lately, it's definite that I am substantially bigger now. I'm not getting as much sleep as I'd like right now because of me and working and stuff, but to be honest, my back hurts more when I sleep than when I don't and it seems to take me forever to get to sleep now, which is a total change from before pregnancy. Also, we were dealing with the little Miss and her cold in which she basically kicked Matt out of our bed Friday night forcing him to sleep in her bed and she finally settled down around about 2-2:30am. So, life lately, not conducive to good sleeping habits and old habits die hard as well. 

Saturday was just a really good day in general, new things on the horizon, a visit to a neighborhood haunted house all decked out that Stella absolutely loved. She actually told me she would pick Halloween over Christmas, that's a pretty big deal. On top of all that, I got this WAY cool bag from Scrappin' and Stampin' that I'm gonna use as a baby bag. 

I only had to buy $20 worth of Little Yellow Bicycle products to get it for free and that wasn't difficult for me. I am psyched.

I'm also in process with a treat box I'm creating for Stella's Halloween party at school, then I'll be making purple and orange rice krispy treats that will go in the box.  Today Matt and Stella carved pumpkins, pictures to follow and I am doing something a little different to mine because honestly it's rotting we're pretty sure and we won't be carving into that bad boy. I still need to get pics of the few little layouts I did last weekend at my crop, so hopefully in the next couple days I'll be posting all about Halloween and what we've got going.

It's Time For Things To Change.

Had a rough day yesterday, between managing the everyday and trying to mix in a doctor appointment for me that took WAY longer than it needed to and trying to feel like I'm a good mother, I was pushed to my limit by the time Matt got home from school at 10pm. I unloaded to him and luckily for him, he just sat there, listened, and sympathized. YES, after all this time, he knows what I am looking for when I do that, not spending the whole time interrupting me offering "suggestions." I actually felt a little better after talking this time. However, I stayed up till 2am and felt sick to my stomach when I woke up at 8am. I really need to stop doing that, but I feel so much pressure to produce lately. The doctor told me that my issues with stress and anger are most likely the result of severe sleep deprivation, and I would have to tend to agree, but everything else as far as the new babe goes is perfection. Aside from new symptoms now of sciatic pain and what could be the start of vericose vains (OH YEAH!). This is my life. 

But, there is something new and potentially positive on the horizon, only time will tell, but I can't wait to get started, it could only make things a bit easier in the long run.

The Feeling of Unraveling.

This was not the best weekend for me. Rather than delve into all the dirty details, I'll just say that what I'm left with today is the feeling the my life and myself are slowly unraveling. It mostly involves my immediate family and really, life long underlying issues that I've had to deal with there. My assertion that someone I love may be dealing with possible mental illness and the lack of support by said person to someone who so desperately needs support from all of us. Since we were kids, my brothers and I have had a somewhat rocky relationship, but I always felt like we could be open with each other, get angry, but then get over it and move along. Not so apparently, at least for them. Matt always tells me that I am full of holes that allow people to reach in and poke at me, and that I force myself to deal with toxicity at all times because of that. I agree, I wear my heart on my sleeve, but it's ME, take it or leave it, I won't be changing any time soon. All I can do is choose where and when to express my opinions and protect myself.

While in preschool, I was voted most sympathetic, and that hasn't changed. I feel what others are feeling, I can fully engross myself in someone else's emotions and take on their burdens along with my own, especially with those in my immediate circle. And, believe you me, it IS exhausting, I was emotionally spent yesterday as I weeped with my mother over the issues at hand. And, when a brother arrived, I begged him not to get things going while I was there, it would have just sent me over the edge with nausea. He understands, he didn't want to involve anyone else but my mother and father, hopefully that went well. 

Oofff, I'm still trying to come down from this weekend. On the upside, I did get to scrapbook for almost 12 hours on Saturday at an event up the road from my house. I didn't get as much done as I would have hoped, but I work slowly, painstakingly to give birth to each and everything I create, so it's fine with me. Thanks ladies for a fun weekend.  When I have time, I will post pics of what I did accomplish.

I'm A Winner!!

But, you all knew that. JK. I commented on a blog called The Blah, Blah, Blahg. I just commented and told them my favorite color and voila, I am a winner. I don't know exactly what I've won, but I do know it's a Candace Ang original. Could be jewelry, other than that, I'm not sure exactly what she designs, as soon as I know, you will! You should check out he Blah Blah Blahg, she does giveaways all the time and I NEVER win things, but this time I was lucky. Wahoooo!!!

What's Wrong With Me!

Am I having a hormone surge that I'm not fully aware of? Am I just a stick in the mud? I am just feeling down the last couple of days. Not like depressed, but just not yeah happy like I think I should be. I mean, I could use for the heavens to raineth money down upon us, but we're ok. I think it's because I keep waiting for this stupid reimbursement check to come in and every day it doesn't, I get irritated. But, it's not all about money. Things have just felt sort of rutty lately. Went to the doctor today and knew I probably gained some weight because I'd been eating like a little pregnant piggy and to my shock, I gained over 7 pounds. Wow! For me, that feels like a lot in 2 weeks. Maybe I should try NOT eating 6 meals a day.

In other news, we watched Oprah the other day and have decided to unplug all pluggable items when they are not in use so as to lower of some times excessive energy bill. The last one was for $160 or so, we're going to try to see how low we can go with unplugging as much as we can handle, you know tv, lamps, alarm clocks, radios, stove, furnace/air (just turned off) and turning off lights until we need them. It should be interesting if I can just get Stella to turn her bedroom light off when she leaves her room. So far, so good. I'll let you know what the verdict is.

I Am Heartbroken.

Today I heard something that made me so sad and it even made me cry. We picked Stella up from school this afternoon as we always do and she was telling us about her day. She cut out a stop sign and an arrow for her Stop, Drop and Roll mobil, apparently learning about fire saftey. Then she proceeds to tell us that at snack time a little boy sitting next to her told her she was fat. Her response was that of utter surprise and she stated, "I'm Not Fat!"

Inside I crumpled like a brittle leaf. All my worst fears leapt to the front of my brain and my throat clenched. My little baby may be slightly fluffy, but she certainly is not FAT!!! Damnit! These are my issues, not hers, why does she have to have those words uttered to her? She is beautiful and in my opinion, the cutest girl in her class, this little boy must obviously come from a family where it is acceptable to criticize even the youngest of people for various things. 

Matt's response to her was to tell the little boy, "well, at least my parents are literate, and married!" I half laughed, but inside I was hurt beyond recognition. As I got out the car after the 45 second car ride, I could hold back the tears no longer, even as I type this, I still have tears in my eyes. I called my mom, a teacher at the same school and she advised me to write a letter and that is what I intended to do anyway.

You see, in my preschool class, I was voted most sympathetic, and this is something that has stuck with me ever since, almost like a handicap, so far, Stella doesn't have this gene. God, I am so hurt by that, but luckily, she's a smart little girl, and not yet nearly as sensitive as I am or was. I love her so much.

A Bragging Rights Post.

Today is all about bragging. Well, not boastful bragging, oh well, maybe just a little. First, here is my latest belly shot, 27 weeks today. Wow, I wasn't freaked out until yesterday when I received in the mail a nice little pamphlet titled "New Beginnings Maternity Center at Botsford Hospital" which contains pages upon pages of info dedicated to my delivery day. Yes, it is inevitable, but up until now, I was under the impression that I wasn't afraid of labor this time around. Ha! Suppose I even fooled myself. Alas, here is my latest photo. Oh yeah, here comes the bragging part. Last week at the doctors office, I had to ask them how much weight I've gained, because I honestly hadn't been keeping track. And, guess what, I've only gained 3.25 pounds. Now, it's not as good as when I had Stella, where I only gained 2.5 pounds up until the weekend before I actually gave birth to her, the weekend I put on 12 pounds of water weight and delivered her 5 days later. But, I wasn't sure how my body would behave this time around, I WAS SCARED! There is just something about my body's chemistry while I'm pregnant, however, when not pregnant, it's a toss up. While it may not be appearing on the scale, I indeed am feeling blimpalicious, and this picture proves it.

Today we had a visit from Stella's teacher, part of this preschool programs requirements, a home visit once in the beginning of the year and once at the end. I was a little nervous, as I know that we all know our own children's short comings, but it's still hard to hear them out loud, not discussed in hushed voices with your spouse while said child is in an adjacent room. But, luckily she is doing just fine. She's not ready for the talented and gifted program, but I have learned that I have a very sweet and very tolerant little girl on my hands. Yesterday she came home telling us about a little girl that kept following her around telling her that she wanted to be her friend. Stella told us though in no uncertain terms that she DID NOT want to be this girls friend, but she played with her anyway. I told her that she didn't have to be best friends with everyone, but that she DID however need to be nice and she assured us that she would be. I do know that child she is talking about and I am guilty of harboring the same feelings about her becoming friends with this little girl, but my feelings com from a more shallow and even a little bit of a concerned place. You see, this little girl cries every day before going home because she does not want to go home, and that makes me wonder just what the heck is going on at home. I will never let Stella set foot in that little girls home, I wouldn't want her to be subjected to anything that may or may not be going on there. But, that may be fodder for stories for another day. 

Finally, I decided just what I wanted to do with that wine bottle that I had holding my fake dozen black roses. I decided at about 10pm last night that I didn't want fake black roses just sitting in a wine bottle in my house when Stella's teacher came by to visit so here is what I did with it.

In the close up view I tried to show where I used white ribbon to create a mummy like feeling to wrap the portion of the bottle that was difficult to wrap with paper, I think that I was successful. At least it was creative and as usual, I accomplished it at my pace.

New Addition To My Blog: Favorite Moments

Taking a cue from Jules over at Pancakes & French Fries, I am going to start posting hopefully as often as they occur or at least once a week, my favorite moments of the day/week. So far I have a "Favorite Moments" from the weekend and the beginning of the week.
First and foremost, we got a new couch! YEAH! It's about time. Ikea had a 3 day sale going on and we picked up this spiffy little brown leather couch for $300. We definitely could have put that money to what some would term "better use" but honestly if you could see our old couch, you'd realize why we wanted and needed a new one. Not to mention, with new baby coming, our old couch was not too comfortable nor suitable for feeding and sitting with said baby, so there. Next, Stella is loving school, but told us lastnight that a boy in her class kissed her while they were in line going into gym class. I was quite surprised, and thought it was sort of cute. Apparently he kissed her on the arm, but you could tell she was embarassed. Lastnight she also made an attempt to ride a 2 wheel bike. Matt took the training wheels off quite a while ago, but she just decided to get brave in the last couple of days. Go Stella! And, finally, in the mail we got a little letter from Matt's school stating that because he was almost done with his degree, that he should meet with a counselor to do his senior audit. YEAH! Thank the lord. Once he's done, hopefully he'll find an amazing job and really take over most of the monetary responsibilities. I mean, I'm all for women's lib, but after over 3 years of working quite literally every day all hours of the day, I'm looking forward to a break in the next year or so. I love you Matt, you're my hero!:)

Slightly Bigger Belly.

Since I'm just over 24 weeks, I thought I should post a belly picture. It's funny how much bigger you think you are than when you actually see a picture. I feel like a house, while now I don't see that.

I Already Embarass Her.

Sitting at the kitchen table as it pours rain, discussing going to school tomorrow. You know, feeling out the situation trying to headoff a morning of weepiness. She says to me "why do you have to stay with me at school mom?" I said, "well, tomorrow I don't. I'll be dropping you off at your room, giving you a kiss goodbye and then picking you up when school is over." She says then, "mom, can we kiss outside? I don't want the big kids seeing me kiss my Mommy!" I was stunned, and said "ok then can we at least do our secret handshake?" To this she agreed. Kids....

Is It Halloween Already?

Well, if you've hit ANY store in the last week, yes, yes it is Halloween. Last night we hit Walmart and I discovered the coolest thing. I know they've probably been around every Halloween for the last millenia, but I've NEVER bought them myself. Here they are, 1 dozen black long stem faux roses. I want to have them sitting in this wine bottle, but I want to decorate the bottle for Halloween with some very cool Halloween papers I've got. Other than just doing decoupage, anyone have any suggestions as to what would look cool? Ribbons, whatever? I'm sort of at a creative loss. Thanks for all input.

A Day To Remember.

At the moment I'm watching the 9 11 documentary "102 Minutes That Changed America" on the History Channel and it's all flooding back to me. I feel like I'm on the verge of some tears. Like everyone else, I remember where I was exactly when I heard the news I NEVER thought I'd hear, such horrible things happening in our own country. It was at this moment that I no longer lived with a secure and protected feeling. Maybe this is something that would have happened anyway being that I was in college, but this seemed so different from just that F* the government thing most college kids go through. I don't know about you, but I still don't really feel safe now, 7 years later. Is it just me?

My Little Rock?

The first thing you have to know is, Stella thrives on other peoples attention, always has, and never gives me a hard time about going anywhere, in fact she usually looks forward to visiting new places for as much as I can tell of her personality, she is a perfect combination of extrovert with a little introvert thrown in for security purposes. So, this morning, when this incident took place, it broke my heart to see that my little rock, had started to crumble.

I was awoken in the usual way this morning by a little voice yelling "Mama, I POOOOPED!" Which obviously means come and wipe me. So, I begrudgingly get out of bed to do the duty. After I'm finished, she is suddenly overwhelmed with tears and telling me how she doesn't want to go to school because she'll miss her grammie. In that instance I was taken back to my early school years, when I spent more time faining sick in kindergarten than attending. Her situation was quite similar to mine, my mom was home with my little brother, and my baby brother was only a few months old and to top that off, my father was unemployed at the time. So, needless to say, I HAD to go to school while everyone else was able to enjoy the comforts of home. I vaguely remember those times, but can imagine that I almost felt abandoned in a way. Like, get outta here kid, ya bother me. In reality, it wasn't like that at all, and I'm sure with all that going on, it sort of ruined the whole my baby is off to school thing, but somehow I made it through the public school system and she'll do the same. At least today, I will be there with her,some sort of parent child thing. But, the part that's hard is, I KNOW how she is feeling. That sick feeling in her tummy, being on the verge of tears and all you want is for things to be like they are and have been every day for the last 4 plus years of your life. Maybe it will make it easier, maybe harder, but at least someday I can tell her that I totally understood how she was feeling at that exact moment when she woke me up this morning and she began to blubber on the toilet.

The Final Reveal.

I've been keeping the baby to be's name sort of "hidden" so to speak, just because we weren't exactly certain, but since I've gone and painted it on his wall, here goes. Here a picture of the wall mural and his crib. We just really wanted a strong sounding name that we felt could really stand alone. We also wanted a name we'd never heard before, well as a first name anyway. Since reading up on it, I've learned that it can either be used for a boy or a girl, which I did not consider, but to me, it best suits a boy. No, neither one of us are jewish, not that it matters, but since choosing this name, you wouldn't believe the guff we've gotten. We like what we like and it's the one name of tons that we both agreed on, and since it's now on the wall, there is no way in hell I'm changing it. We are still deciding on a middle name, but my vote is Jefferson, so that if at some point he just hates his name, he can go by CJ. I'm not completely heartless, but what kid just loves there name at every point in their life. I think even just having my name was difficult, simply because there were never many girls with that name I'd heard before entering junior high.
And, not to be outdone, the little miss insisted on having her name on her wall, but it HAD to be different and of course GIRLY! So, here is hers. It isn't quite completed, but we're close.

Her Latest Phrase.

I think it's come from me, but I can't be certain. She will state "My God!" lately when she is either enraged about something or sort of surprised. On the way to the mall tonight we were again talking about the baby and how small he'll be when he's born and then how he'll get big like her and how he won't have teeth but he'll get those and how he will have some hair, but likely he'll lose most of it and then regrow it. Without missing a beat she says, "my god, is it MAGIC?" She is wise beyond her years I think. Here's a cute pic of her in her (I had to buy them, they were too cute and we were already returning a pair of too small tennis shoes) new pink cow girl boots. She loves them already! A girl after my own heart, she loves her some new shoes.

My Creative Girl.

I'd been in a bad mood for a good portion of the day today due to still dwelling on what things my MIL said, but by the time Matt went to school I had chilled out and sat at the kitchen table with Stella as she painted. She is very precise about what she does and really concentrates until which time she decides it's all over. In the span of about 20 minutes she completed 4 wonderful paintings. One of which she proclaimed was her brother. And, to top it off, I died when she told me that she used every color in her palette because she doesn't know what color he'll be when he comes out. Made me laugh out loud. Here are her masterpieces. We even had time to play a round of Candy Land.

Good News. Good News.

I just got great news! Stella has been accepted into a program at the Elementary school for 4 maybe 5 days a week. I don't know yet if it will be mornings or afternoons. I'm actually pulling for PM. Oh, I am so excited, I think she will be too. The best part of this program, it's absolutely FREE! Thank the lord above, he really does hear your prayers, and helps you attract to you exactly what you need. It will really be good for Stella and will make it easier for me to get more hours at work. Hallelujah!

A Small Sneaky Peek.

Since I've been working so hard on the babies room, I thought I'd do a little sharing. It doesn't look perfect yet, but I've only done one coat of paint, so it will take at least one more for each color, maybe more than that. Plus, his name will go in the center portion, and we're doing it in the same style font as the movie "Juno." We LOVE that font, and found it somewhat fitting. Besides that, my wonderfully talented neighbor is going to paint his dresser in much the same manner. So, for now, here's a little sneaky peek. Our colors for the room are a limey yellowy green, aqua and chocolate brown with white as well. Soon, once all is complete, I will show each and every wall. Thanks for looking.

We Are Influx This Weekend.

Well, we have been busy little beavers all weekend, starting to get the babies room going. Matt will be starting school on Wednesday so, as we have decided to move our room to the babies room temporarily for like the first 6 months or so, we have painted and soon will be moving furniture. I will show pictures of what it looks like all newly painted, even down to freshly stripped and soon to be painted vent registers. I'm even doing sort of a wall mural with the babies name on it behind the crib, I'll take pics of that too obviously. A special thanks goes to Steve and all the Dyke family for a job well done. It was a long day for all of us, but the guys forged ahead and finished the job, we couldn't have gotten it done in such a timely manner without you. :) Now, as I sit here, all I here is the VERY loud sound of a saw cutting into my kitchen cabinets. A really sweet neighbor from across the street works for Sears and installs appliances and has offered us a dishwasher, the husband of the woman who loaned me the book "The Secret." They are such lovely people and would give you the shirt off their back if you asked for it. But, in approximately an hour, we will have our first ever dishwasher in the 31-33 years between the both of us. Honestly, someone's going to have to show me how to use it, but I'm thrilled. We honestly don't know what we're going to do with the extra 2 hours a week or so that our almighty dish buildup would take us to wash. YEAH for modern conveniences. When all this work is said and done, I will post pictures. So excited!!

Child Trickery.

Stella has been really funny lately. I mean, she's always funny, but saying funny things and asking "Big Girl" questions. A few weeks ago, while driving home from a day spent at Grandma & Grandpa's, we were talking about the baby. Out of the clear blue, Stella asked us "how did that baby get in momma's belly?" We both looked at eachother, chuckled for a moment nervously and I turned to her and said, "can I get back to you on that?" She said, "ok!" I've yet to decide to tell her anything and she hasn't brought it up again since. It seems like she's too young to be asking a question like that, but I guess it just comes with the territory now.

On the way to grandma's this morning for her usual day at grandma's while I work, we were talking about the possibility of her attending preschool. You see, we applied to get into a free program at the school up the street from our house, that also happens to be the school that my mother is a teacher at. The normal preschool program there runs $100/month, but this program is free and depends on various factors such as income, housing situation and the like. We knew that when we applied, it would be REALLY iffy if we'd even get in, but we thought what the hell, with Matt being in the auto industry, our income varies from month to month and now, with all that we've found out about our mortgage, preschool of $100 or more a month is simply not in the cards, it would literally break the bank. So, I had completely lost all hope of preschool for Stella. Then a couple weeks ago I got a call from the school asking if we were still interested in having Stella attend and I excitedly replied, most definitely. My hope was renewed and I called my mom to see what she thought our chances were and she agreed, if they were calling, then we were probably pretty much in. However, the other day, she went to the school to see what the situation was and was told that there were less spots available than who applied, so she told me not to count on it, but that we still had a shot because she filled the teacher in on our current monetary situation. I don't really want to get in because my mom helped us, but I REALLY don't want Stella to have to miss out on preschool, I know she's ready, she NEEDS this! So, we will find out for sure on September 2nd, keep your fingers crossed. But, getting back to the car ride. So, in all that talking about school, I think she was starting to feel like a big girl and she proceeds to tell me that big girls don't have their grandma's watch them. I laughed and said, are you sad that you're going to grandma's, she promptly said NO, but I thought it was a very funny thing for her to say. The girl who sometimes cries on the weekends when she forgets that she isn't going to grandma's for 2 whole days.

Then, tonight I decided to make eggplant parmesan for dinner. I didn't want to tell Stella exactly what we were having, so I lied and told her it was chicken with cheese and sauce. She ate nearly every bite, but asked me why I made "tires" for dinner? Matt and I both thought it was pretty inventive of her to see eggplants as tires, but not once did she say "this isn't chicken!" When she was done, we told her what it really was and at first she was shocked and sort of disgusted, but then realized that it tasted pretty darn good anyway.

A Positivity Theme.

A very, very kind neighbor has loaned to me the book "The Secret." Cheesey to some yes, but right now, it's exactly what I need. My normal outlook on a daily basis for the last couple years is downright negative and look where it has gotten me. Now, I am taking the blame for past injustices and forging forward in a new spirit of positivity. My new mantra: "Good thoughts are strong, negative thoughts are weak. I'm only going to think good thoughts!" Yes, this is a new thing for me, and in doing so, I have already remembered one good thing today, that will help lessen the pressure we are under when our mortgage readjusts in November, taking $34 worth of pressure each month off of a $130/month stress. Not too shabby!

Been Trying To Keep Busy.

Well, since dealing with the reality of a potential foreclosure, I've been trying to do as much as I can to keep my mind off of it. So far, it's not easy, but yesterday somehow ended up being a good day. I paid for half of my space at the Craftique mall, $20 and brought together 8 projects so far, and I'm going to try to paint something today as well. It was a nice release, and kept me distracted. Here are the pics of my projects currently for sale. They probably won't sell, it's my luck, but my fingers are crossed.